Lily's Lab

Updated update

2011-05-08T02:10:00.000-04:00

Studying for my last final as an undergraduate. YAY.

Staying up WAY too late at night to do so. Not so yay.

Trying to convince my body that it doesn't need to consume its weight in sugar to stay awake, just because I'm not allowed much caffeine... body isn't listening to me. Body is going to be in a world of hurts when I start forcing the weight off come summer.

Trying not to be resentful that boyfriend's family took him out of the country to visit family during my graduation. Because they forgot I was graduating this year. And it didn't occur to them that being gone the whole middle of May meant missing that.

Grateful that the way-too-freakin-long rocky patch with the boyfriend finally seems to be smoothing over. The bad shit just isn't happening any more. We're having sex again. We're telling stories and laughing and having tickle fights again. We're sharing fantasies (sexual and otherwise) again. I don't dread the thought of him visiting, and me having to hide that I just want to be alone, anymore. But now I'm clingy, and I need him... and they took him away for 3 weeks. Assholes.

Failing at the whole not-being-resentful thing.

Slapping self upside the head for being a bitch.

Trying to figure out if there was going to be a point to this post, or if it's just a gramatically impaired braindump.

Nope.

I got nothin.

Quick Update

2011-04-28T00:10:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update - I haven't been around because I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I graduate in 2 weeks (OMG when the heck did that get here?!), I have medical school applications to work on (OMG I'm gonna be a doctor!), and my health's been kind of shitty (OMG I pulled a muscle coughing, yay for two months of bronchitis). So, I will be back, but things may be a bit sparse for a few more weeks.

HUZZAH

2011-04-22T03:00:00.001-04:00

I HAD SEX.

IT WAS AWESOME.

I am a happy Lily. And a sore Lily (in a good way). And a Lily that has to get up for work in a few hours, so doesn't have time to freak out all over her blog about how awesome and wonderful and loving and wonderful it was, because she needs sleep.

That is all.

PS - For those wondering why this is such a big deal, this is the first time we've successfully had full-on PIV mutually enjoyable sex in a whole pile of months. So yeah, it's kind of a big deal. ;)

Bronchitis and Getting Ready for Medical School Applications

2011-04-10T23:38:00.000-04:00

I've spent 8 of the past 10 weeks keeled over with Bronchitis. I do have more posts and reviews (including my first porn/educational vid review!) in the pipeline, but they're going to have to wait a few days while I retrieve the lung I just coughed out.

In other news, I got my MCAT scores back, and the news is VERY good - my shiny 35 means I can apply to any medical school in the US, and have a good shot at getting in. That puts me one huge step closer to my dream school. I'm super excited; now I just have to get and stay healthy enough to get all my paperwork together to apply in time!

It's really hitting me - some day, it'll be Dr. Lily, MD. For years I've imagined growing up to be Dr. Lily, Ph.D, and it's taken a long time for my subconscious to really wrap itself around the idea of OMFG LILY'S GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!!!

And with this collection of fever-addled thoughts I bid you good night.

Moving Home after Graduation

2011-04-03T21:28:00.000-04:00

In almost exactly 6 weeks, I will graduate. After 5 long years, my undergraduate schooling will be over (and then... helloooooo years upon years of medical training!) I'm looking forward to being able to get a bit of rest, and to breaking away from endless academic deadlines for a year.

What I'm not looking forward to is moving home. While I love my family, I'm not looking forward to losing the autonomy and privacy I've gotten used to here at school. The ability to close my door and disappear for a day or two to recharge, not interacting with anyone, is kind of nice. Having the privacy and autonomy to jerk off whenever I feel like it, to watch porn without fear, to have my boyfriend sleep over and to have sex, to play my music without worrying about disturbing my family, to eat my meals in peace without anyone judging my attempts to lose weight or to self-medicate with food, to set the thermostat to a temperature where I don't have blue fingers, all this means a lot to me. All the little things that I've come to take for granted about living alone. All of the things I won't even realize are important till they're gone.

There's also the whole thing my therapist said about how moving home right now would be one of the worst possible things I could do to my mind at the moment, but when has that ever stopped me?

Then there's the problem of all of my good friends being here around my school (or way, way, WAY out of state). I have no close friends at home. The only person from my hometown that I still talk to on a regular basis is my boyfriend. Huzzah for going in blind.

And damn, I'm going to miss the unlimited jack-off opportunities.

Pleasurists #123

2011-03-31T01:06:00.000-04:00

Beauty by Any Definition by UniqueNudes
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #122? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #124? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form and submit it before Sunday March 27th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Sweet Treats! Deadline: March 29th.
Taste This Deadline: March 30th.
Just Enter Okay? Deadline: March 31st.
Win a Gorgeous Glass Sex Toy from C.A.P. and Dr. Ruthie! Deadline: March 31st.
Win Baci Lingerie and Spice Things Up This Spring Deadline: March 31st.
Win an XL V-RIng Vibrating Cock Ring Deadline: March 31st.
Get Naughty and Win a Naughty Weekender Kit Deadline: March 31st.
Welcome Spring & Love Your Butt! Deadline: April 4th @ 12pm Eastern.
Fascinator Leopard Throe Giveaway Deadline: April 4th @ 11pm Pacific.
Who Says Adults Can’t Have Easter Presents, Too? Deadline: April 25th @ 11am Central.
Sex Toy Reviewers Shopping Spree Contest Deadline: April 30th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus
On to the reviews…
Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Fleshlight Vulva by Evil Poptart

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Sex Furniture

Liberator Decor Whirl by True Pleasures

Storage

FYN Foot Long by Lucid Obsession

Lingerie

Liberator Mardi Mask by Mistress Kay

Miscellaneous

On Privilege

2011-03-28T01:22:00.000-04:00

Privilege. It's a nasty word for those who have never had it applied to them before. If they even understand what you're talking about, most people told they have privilege of some kind will react as if you had made an attack on their character, as if you had made a judgment on who they are as a person based on, for example, whether they had been born cis and white or not.

In many ways, one of the most insidious expressions of exploitation of privilege comes from some of the people who claim to be fighting against exploitation of themselves. (take for example the way RadFems so often treat Trans women and people of color) They are fighting against discrimination, so how could they possibly be discriminating against someone else? They are on the Side of Right on their pet issue, so how could they possibly be on the wrong side on another front?

Also, the majority of people who get the short end of the privilege stick in one facet of their lives will fight you tooth and nail should you suggest that they are in fact privileged in some way. Privilege doesn't "balance out," it's not a checkbook or a balance sheet. However, it is possible to be privileged in some areas but not in others. (I, for example, have white privilege, but I'm a PWD*; I'm well off financially, but I'm a woman trying to make a career in a "male" field) Having some other privilege doesn't make you a bad activist, or a bad spokesperson for the disadvantages you have. Having one privilege doesn't invalidate your experiences with your other disadvantages.

Before anyone starts getting huffy and trying to start into Oppression Olympics, remember that everyone who has the ability to read this blog has a hell of a lot of privilege - literacy and access to the internet, to name just two. Done derailing? Awesome.

It's hard for people to understand or accept that aspects of life they take for granted are part of some facet of privilege. It's very uncomfortable to acknowledge that some of the nice things in their lives aren't standard, and that things they do may directly or indirectly take those nice things away from other people. It usually isn't intentional - hence why I said that most of privilege is stuff we simply take for granted. People don't think about it, they don't intend to cause harm... but that doesn't in any way prevent harm from being done. It's generally not someone's fault that they have some kind of privilege. Unfortunately, most people see statements of privilege as personal attacks (you have X privilege over me, so you are an evil scumbag who is deliberately repressing me) and react accordingly. Honestly, if you thought someone was trying to say something like that, it's a reasonable reaction.

The thing both sides need to understand is that you "get" the majority of the most powerful privileges the same way people "get" onto the receiving end of repression - birth. A person has no control over being born into a white, middle class family. A person has no control over whether they are born with testosterone or estrogen developmentally marked bodies, or over their sexual orientation. (obviously, this does not apply to privileged groups people can theoretically move in and out of, like thin privilege and socioeconomic status and others)

What people do have control over is what they do about that privilege. Do they pretend it doesn't exist and shout to the world that discrimination is dead? Do they exploit their privilege, consciously or unconsciously? Do they try not to cause harm with their privilege? Do they try to strike down privilege to build a more egalitarian society?

This is what marks the difference between someone who has privilege and doesn't know it, and someone who you can justifiably say is an evil scumbag who is deliberately oppressing you. This is what marks the difference between someone who has no idea they have privilege, and someone who knows but has no fucking clue what to do about it.

Many activists have said that the first step is acknowledging that privilege exists, and that you have it. To that end, I've tried to be as honest as possible with myself about the sources of my privilege. At this point in my lift, with the shit that's going on, I figure it's at least a start, and not one I deserve a damn cookie for. I'm going to keep working on this whole "being a decent human being when it comes to privilege" thing. Because it's the right thing to do.

* Person/People with Disabilities

Review: 26" Plain Crop

2011-03-24T01:42:00.001-04:00

While I've played with other kinds of impact toys, this crop was a first for me. A first that took a while to grow on me, but has come to be a favorite.

The design is simple, but well executed. There are no bells and whistles, but honestly? A good crop doesn't need them. The handle is narrow, about half an inch wide with a slightly flared back end. It's molded of a rubbery material with a slight texture, like it was pressed against sand. Most of the length is covered in ridges, and it compresses slightly with pressure. The end result is a handle that is comfortable to hold for extended periods, but won't go flying at inopportune times.

The shaft has a bit of flex and is rather springy. After wielding it a few separate times, my boyfriend said that the ~15 degrees of flex were great for getting a nice springing snap going without wearing out his wrist. The entire shaft is wrapped in a herringbone-like weave with a black synthetic thread. After banging around for a while, there are a few black fuzzies showing, but otherwise it looks pristine.

The leather tip is whipped onto the shaft for about two inches with what appears to be button cord (nice and strong). There is some kind of glue or epoxy between the leather and the cord to secure it, which dried to a hard and glossy finish. The end result is that I wouldn't be able to remove that tip without cutting the leather off, or trying to cut the shaft itself. The leather tip is stitched down around the very end of the shaft. This stitching may be too tight or too flush to the shaft, as there are a few spots where the leather looks like it may begin to rip around the thread.

The tip itself is made of a nice leather. The dye is not struck through, so while the outsides are black, the suede inside is a medium gray. Unlike many crops I've seen, this tip is two pieces of leather open at the end, instead of a single piece folded over, looped end out.

The edges are rounded, so the sensation is almost purely the slap of the leather instead of the bite of corners. Aimed correctly, (which is harder than it looks for a beginner like me) it gives a powerful stinging slap felt mostly at the skin surface, then blooming downward. I also found out the hard way that if you are not a fan of canes, you want to avoid accidentally hitting with the shaft end with great care - it seriously hurts, and at the speeds crops are often used it could cause some serious damage. That said, the shaft itself could be used as a decent slightly-springy cane in a pinch.

I have one complaint, and one complaint only about this crop: I wish it had a hanging loop. I prefer to store it with my other impact toys, and I store them all on a series of hooks. It's not the end of the world, though - some cord and a quick larkshead knot around one of the grooves of the handle lets me hang it just fine.

This was a great introduction to crops for us - it's inexpensive yet well made, and there's nothing fancy like rose tips or funny shapes to make it harder to learn to use consistently. Thanks for a great toy, Fascinations!

This product was provided to me free of charge by Fascinations in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Ableism

2011-03-14T10:00:00.000-04:00

For the last few years, I've jokingly called myself a cripple. It's always been a joke, a reclaiming of an ableist term among friends. But you know what? Having a medical condition that physcially limits me doesn't make me a lesser person. It doesn't make me lazy, hypochondriac, or over-worried. It does not mean I'm crazy, or that it's all in my head. It does not mean I'm just not working hard enough to get over it. It does not mean that my divinity of choice hates me. It doesn't make me a slacker. It doesn't make me less able to do intense mental labor, though I may never be able to do the same physical things you take for granted.

It sure as sunshine doesn't give you the right to interfere with my life in any way, nor does it give you the right to condescend to me, nor does it give you the right to force your "advice" on me.

Cripple I may be, but don't look down on me for it. And don't EVER call me that without my permission.

"It could never happen to me" and a culture of Sanism

2011-03-12T14:26:00.000-05:00

The more exposure I have to the field of mental health, the more I realize that a curious fallacy has taken hold in the minds of the general population. Mental illness has come to be seen as something that is either there, or is not. They see it as black and white, with raving psychotics and suicidal depressives on one side, and the rest of the world (themselves included, of course) on the other. In reality, it is a gradient, with very few people completely untouched by the slightest hint. It's hard to draw the line that says This is just normal variation and healthy, and This is mental illness. You simply can't arbitrarily draw a line in the sand and say below this point, you're perfectly mentally healthy, but the tiniest step beyond it and you're a lunatic.

And yet that is what society would have us do. It's an alluring proposition. Most people can look inside themselves and say, I am nothing like that screaming, thrashing creature. That, then, is mentally ill. Therefore, I could not possibly be mentally ill, because I'm nothing like that nut. It's an easy, though logically flawed way of reassuring ourselves that we are sane.

The world is a terrifyingly unpredictable place, so it is understandable that so much of our thought revolves around making ourselves feel safe. I couldn't possibly be crazy, look at that crazy person, I'm nothing like that! That poor nut, they must have been abused as a child; I was never abused, so I don't have to worry about ending up like that. What a shame, that person is crazy because his brain is broken somehow; thank goodness I have a healthy brain, I'll never have a mental illness. Being poor and homeless is terrible, lucky for me I work so hard, I couldn't ever end up that way, I'm not lazy. That poor rape victim must have done something to encourage the rapist, poor thing; I'd never do anything to put myself at risk or encourage a predator, so it couldn't possibly happen to me. Look at that kid getting such bad grades; he must be lazy, anyone can learn to be exemplary at anything if they just try hard enough.

These may seem extreme, but there are people who believe each and every word I wrote. It's a coping mechanism for dealing with the fears of our world, rationalizing why it couldn't possibly happen to you.When it comes to the many faces of mental illness, sanism has gone undercover and become a part of the fabric of our culture. Perhaps it's time to shock people awake to the knowledge that unbalanced brain chemistry or faulty wiring isn't an immutable sentence to mental illness, nor is a perfectly healthy brain a guarantee against the same. (aside from the fact that neuropsychiatric research is a field in its infancy, so we're not even sure if "unbalanced brain chemistry" or "faulty wiring" are causal elements in mental illness at all) Abuse is not a required prerequisite for instability, nor will it doom someone to craziness. There is no way of predicting for sure if someone will or will not have some form or level of mental illness. No way at all.

The scary truth is that it could happen to anyone, no matter what you do, no matter what happens to you. The reassuring truth is that for most people, the monster never does more than peak around the closet door or send a tail swishing out from under the bed. Most people never see the monster come charging down on them to devour their lives. And for those who do have to face the monsters which lurk at the edges of our vision, may there always be those who will join them in battle, lend them a sword or protect them with their shield or bind their wounds so they can continue to fight and keep from being devoured. You may call them damn shrinks, mucking around in peoples heads with shoddy guesswork, or you can call them meddling bleeding hearts who won't make people take responsibility for their lives. We call them doctors, teachers, therapists, psychiatrists, priests, councilors, parents, lovers, children, friends. And without them, few of us would be here.

As a wise professor of mine once said, when asked if psychiatric patients should be allowed to become doctors:
"Just about every human being who has walked this earth could've used some psychiatric help at some point. You should be more worried about those that don't get it than those of us that do."

Review: Chocolate Massage and Body Oil

2011-03-10T21:50:00.001-05:00

I am a chocolate snob. I when I can get it, I prefer my chocolate to be very high quality. Give me single origin, give me perfectly blended, give me Fair Trade (I swear, these companies have some of the best chocolate around!), give me that perfect smooth blend just light enough to really appreciate the notes of berries, citrus, rum, nuts, and leather. Give me chocolate that is so delightfully complex that a little bite will have me floating on clouds of bliss for an hour.

Sweet Beauty has brought to life a wonderful dream I never knew I had - they've made a chocolate massage oil so decadent that it fulfills my chocolate cravings without a single calorie. How is this possible? They used real, honest-to-goodness cocoa nibs to scent the oil.

Pause for a moment. Let that sink in.

A massage oil made with real chocolate.

From the very first moment I opened the bottle of Chocolate Massage and Body Oil that Babeland had sent me, I was in love. I wouldn't have cared if it had otherwise been the crappiest massage oil on the planet, sticky and gunky and unusable for massage. I would have been perfectly content to just sniff the stuff.

When I got the pump going (which can take quite a few pumps the first time, don't give up!), I got another surprise - it was very runny. I discovered that day that yes, this stuff will leave permanent oil stains on sheets. However, once I was prepared, I came to like the low viscosity. A single pump leaves a nice-sized puddle in the hand, which warms very quickly and spreads oh so easily.

The first use it saw was as a body oil. Having never used one before, I wasn't sure what to expect. What I definitely wasn't expecting was for it to be so easy to apply, hydrate so well, and disappear so completely into my skin! If you have the 5-10 minutes to wait for it to dry, this oil hydrates as well as my go-to Gold Bond lotion, but doesn't leave a sheen of dimethicone hanging around to make it hard to pull on socks and pants. I did a comparison test deep in the depths of winter, one leg with the oil, one with my usual lotion. At first, they looked similar, but by mid-day the lotion leg was itchy from the cold, dry wind that cuts straight through clothing, while the oiled leg was still soft and supple. I later discovered that this oil is even gentle enough to use on my face! I have a face so picky that I can only use 2-3 different lotions or creams on the market, so this was a pleasant shock.

Verdict: As a body oil, this stuff ROCKS.

As far as massage went, I can happily say that this is by far and away the nicest massage oil I have ever used. The only massage product I like anywhere near as well is a massage bar I reviewed, but that's like comparing apples and salmon. As I said before, it warms quickly, and you don't have to fight to get it spread around. A single pump was enough for a 10-20 minute massage of the back, or a pair of aching legs. (How long it lasted depended on the dryness of the skin) As usual, nobody wanted to move for a while after the massages; by the time either of us were ready to get up and trade places, the oil had all but disappeared into the skin, leaving behind a hint of chocolate scent. There was a trace of greasiness on the hands of the massager, but a quick rub with a tissue or wipe was all it took to remove the feel.

Verdict: Best massage oil I've ever used.

I adore this oil. From the worry-free ingredient list, to the heavenly smell, to the way it makes my skin feel, I love it. The packaging is completely safe to leave out on a dresser, unlike many sensual massage oils. (yes, I'm looking at you Kama Sutra) The only flaw I could find was in the locking mechanism for the pump. It simply doesn't work for travel. Multiple times I've locked it and tossed it in a zip-top bag, only to reach my destination and discover that it unlocked itself and squirted precious oil all over the inside of the plastic bag. Frustrating, but not the end of the world - I just transferred some into a small pop-top bottle for when I'm on the go. ^[1]

I can't sing the praises of this product enough. It's wonderful. If you like chocolate and massages at all, you need some.

[1] - Since I received my bottle, Babeland seems to have switched over to selling only the pop-top bottles of this oil.

This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

PSA: Dating Rights

2011-03-10T21:39:00.000-05:00

Public Service Announcement:

Neither I, nor anyone else, in any way "owes" it to humanity to "shop around" more on the dating scene to give them a "chance" at us. We are not National Parks, we are people.

Addendum:

This also applies to procreation. We do not "owe" society any copies of our supposedly wonderful DNA.

Assumptions and Shower Sex

2011-03-05T09:23:00.001-05:00

My friend and fellow blogger Rockin' wrote a great post a while back about societal assumptions in sexual language. She does some really insightful deconstruction of some of the ways people talk about sex; you should take a look. It got me thinking about the way people think about certain, sometimes non-sexual activities.

Let's be honest here - how many people who have actually tried it think shower sex is a good idea? (I'm assuming that you are of average strength and flexibility, and don't own any of those "shower sex" handles and steps to make life easier) I've tried it at least a dozen times now, and it's difficult, it's often dangerous, and in most showers there isn't enough room to get in a pleasurable position anyway. When we take showers together now, we might cop a feel, or at most go down for a very quick bit of oral sex, but mostly we just... shower together. It's nice to have someone who can scrub your back for you, you know? And letting him shampoo my hair and massage my scalp is absolutely divine. I love to be able to reach over and get a naked hug while we're showering. Trying to kiss without drowning is silly and awesome.

But sex? We'll wait till we're out of the shower.

Just For Grins

2011-03-02T23:55:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how the little things can do so much to brighten a day.

The first amaryllis poking its green head out of the icy ground.
Neon pink nail polish on sale at the drug store when you're picking up yet another round of antibiotics.
A random twitter follower checking in to make sure you're ok, and not ignoring a medical issue.
Your favorite candy being back in stock on campus.
A random patch of blue sky on a cloudy, cold, crappy day.
A random text from an old friend long lost touch with, asking how you've been.
Taking terrible-yet-funny pictures of stuffed animals with dildos, just for shits and giggles. (yes, really)

The little things are what remind us that all of life can be wonderful, beautiful, interesting, important. The little things are what remind us that just because we aren't having a peak moment of our lives, doesn't mean life sucks. They remind us to enjoy the day-to-day, the beauty that is all around us in the world, in our experiences, and in the people we rub shoulders with on the subway. They jolt us out of our gray little worlds, knock us off of autopilot for a moment, just long enough to think "Wow! That was awesome!" They give us a little smile in a world were so many of us seem to have forgotten how to smile just for the sake of doing so.

Wicked Faire 2011

2011-02-22T00:33:00.000-05:00

This weekend, I went to the wonderfully crazy event known as Wicked Faire. To make a long explanation short, Wicked Faire is a little bit of Renn Faire, combined with a Con, mixed with a hefty dose of the local (and not so local) kink and pagan communities. It's an absolutely epic blast. For my boyfriend and I, our second year going was even better than our first. No, we weren't able to go to many of the performances (and I'm PISSED that I completely missed seeing White Elephant Burlesque perform, they're a wonderful group) but we still had a really good time.

We did our first pass of the vendors Friday night, a few hours in when everyone was set up and stuff had really gotten going. Between fondling silk and leather and oggling gorgeous hardware, we caught an amazing fire-spinning performance by Hubris. While their flaming stunts were wicked cool, the weather had also gotten wicked cold, so after their main performance was done we ran back inside, missing the encore and extras.

After watching the fire, we spent a while at a fun display by The Bee Folks. They had a mind-boggling array of handmade beeswax candles, from simple tapers to ornately carved dragons and puppies and flowers and Greenmen and... penises and boobs. Yes, really. The line was called "Mother's Special Candles," and they were hidden under a cloth so that those who didn't want to see naughty wax wouldn't have to. They were very well done, and absolutely hilarious. They also had a whole line of hand creams and lip balms made from beeswax and/or honey, which were quite decadent. The crowning jewel of their display, however, was their array of varietal honey. There was honey from bees fed from only blueberry bushes, and from almond trees, and on bamboo and buckwheat and radishes, and my new absolute favorite, from avocado trees. It's richly flavored, yet mellow. There is little to none of the dry aftertaste that some honey gets, and no bitterness, yet it isn't too sweet, either. I usually don't gush about honey, but this stuff is crazy good. (unfortunately, they don't seem to have it on their website right now. I has a sad.)

Later that night, we ended up at the ginormous display of Red Falcon Armories. I cannot say enough good things about these people. Seriously. First of all, they make wonderful, cool, amazing stuff. (check out their site: they may not be good at the whole "making a website" thing, but they know their leather!) My boyfriend got a flask and leather belt case for it, and a fun "mana potion" bottle with belt case. And me? I ended up spending FAR more than I planned on a fantastic lamb leather corset vest. It is worth every penny I paid, though. It's incredibly comfortable, the craftsmanship is superb, and it looks amazing. Plus, between the high-quality leather and the styling, I could use it for some kinds of everyday wear. Paired with a light blouse and a blazer? I could totally wear this thing to a job interview, then ditch the blazer and go dancing in it, then go home and Domme it up a little with my boyfriend. Their customer service is also fantastic - about two hours after I purchased it, the busk had a catastrophic mechanical failure. I sat down, and suddenly one of the closure posts parted company with the busk, and flew across the room, almost taking someone's eye out! I quickly unlaced and removed the dangerous garment and went back to Red Falcon, where they immediately replaced the corset with effusive apologies... then started digging around for the number of their busk provider, muttering dark imprecations upon the people who provided such a dangerously sub-par busk. No such issues occurred with the second corset, I'm happy to say, and I'm happily looking for any and every excuse to wear it.

The last thing we did before leaving was spend almost an hour chatting with Dr. Clockwork about his stock in trade, Violet Wands. My boyfriend got to feel what they can do for the first time, after hearing me talk about them for a year. All I can say is, it is now certain that when we can finally afford one, we will acquire a Violet Wand. Somehow. Because I rarely see that expression on my boyfriend's face when he tries something new, and I love it.

Saturday was long, and wonderful. To make a long story short (or an already long story not quite so endless), our shopping loot from the rest of the Faire included 15' of bright teal hemp rope (recommended by our friend the Wiccan Shibari Boy), a one-hand set of eagle talons (metal talons that attach to the tips of your fingers, for sharp sensation play or electro play), a pretty suede pouch for me to wear at Renn Faires, a stunning hand-dyed silk scarf/shawl/veil (5'x2.5' of sheer, multi-shaded purple silk. I'm in heaven.), and a lot of fantastic memories. I met new friends, reconnected with old ones, and spent time with friends I didn't even know were interested in faires/steampunk/kink/any of this crazy stuff. I was invited to an absinthe party by a close friend (which I missed due to my body deciding to start getting sick), and I saw some of the most amazing costumes.

I adored it all. It was a wonderful weekend, and I wish I didn't have to wait a whole year for the next Wicked Faire!

Seller Shout-Out: TheDominaesWorkshop

2011-02-13T14:00:00.000-05:00

I usually don't hype sellers here on my blog; it's just not my thing. However, once in a while I stumble across something so beautiful, so wonderful, so unique, or so incredibly epic that I have to share with all of you.

Today, in my internet meanderings I ended up in TheDominaesWorkshop, a store on Etsy. While occasionally other items show up, the primary fare for this little shop, run by "two slaves and their domina," is paddles.

And oh, what marvelous paddles they are! They come in a variety of woods and shapes, from red oak to basswood to poplar, frat paddles and round paddles and fat paddles and skinny paddles. However, it is what the artist puts on the paddles that make them such unique works of art. Each paddle has an image lovingly burned into the surface. My favorite is a pegasus on pine, titled Volatus. Each feather in the wings is delicately detailed, the hairs of the mane seem to curl in the wind, and there's even a twinkle in the pegasus' eye. It's a truly beautiful piece, worthy of hanging on a wall to display for the world to admire. (and discretion be damned!)

Those of you with more disposable income than this poor college student should really go check this shop out. Their work is beautiful, like nothing else I've ever seen.

Crazy Sex Toys Found on Etsy

2011-02-11T13:00:00.000-05:00

Those of you familiar with Regretsy know that some of the craziest, strangest handcrafted oddities end up listed on Etsy. One day, in a fit of whimsy, I discovered that a strange, wonderful, and sometimes terrifying array of hand-made sex toys are also hidden in the depths of Etsy. I decided that I needed to immortalize a few of these gems...

Click each image to jump straight to the listing!

A knitted bamboo/silk vibrator bag. I was going to make fun of this concept, but then I realized how awesome it was. I can totally see myself storing Lelo or Njoy toys in something like this. Or glass toys that need a bit more padding.

Again, I was going to make fun of this one, until I realized that it was such a great idea. A tube full of water will hold its temperature much longer than a hunk of solid ceramic - basic thermodynamics.

It's a fish. Carved out of holly wood. For your vagina.

I know it's just the glaze job, but this thing looks like it's filthy and covered in mold. Even if I bleached and boiled it myself, I'm not sure I could ever get over the squik factor enough to introduce it to my vagina.

Jerks

2011-02-10T10:43:00.000-05:00

Following a woman around, listing off characteristics about her and trying to guess things about her, loudly, is assanine. It is not flattering, it is not cool, it is not funny, and it sure as hell is not going to earn you points with her.

"Look, there, no, her over there. The hot one with the ponytail. Yeah, I see her walking along here every week. I know it's her because she always wears the same coat and pants" (Which I don't, I just happen to prefer dark denim, and it's been cold so I wear my parka most days.) "She's got to be somewhere between 18 and 19. I'm betting... she's got to be 17 3/4. Don't worry man, she'll be 19 soon. *lecherous chuckle" (I'm 23.) "But she's definitely a sophomore, definitely man, so you're good." (I'm a 5th year "super-senior.") "That hair is probably dyed, too." (No, I'm just the first natural blond you've seen this side of the Atlantic.) "Yeah, she's DEFINITELY possible. Dude, totally! *laughter* *mutter mutter* ask her *mutter mutter* See ya later, man!" (No. Hell fucking no. I am not even a remote possibility for you assholes.)

Seriously? Do parents teach their children no manners anymore? Thank goodness I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now, because I might be tempted to stab my eyes out in frustration at the 3rd grade social tactics of the testosterone-drenched sex.

Motivation

2011-02-08T01:54:00.000-05:00

It's strange what things can motivate us to great lengths, and what fails to even hit the radar. Take my extreme lack of libido as an example. I don't want to have sex anymore. Ever. However, I really, really want to want to have sex. Unfortunately, this was like wanting to not want sugary foods - desperately desired, but not forthcoming. I'm just not interested in sex. I'm not even interested in jacking off most of the time. Confession - as of today, I've had exactly 3 spontaneous jack-off sessions (i.e. not "ok, time to go review these toys" chore-turned-orgasm sessions) in the last two months... and two were in the last week. I just couldn't bring myself to "bother" to jack off.

I had a thousand good reasons that I should force myself to start masturbating again. First of all, I know very well that the more often I jerk off, the more I'll want to jerk off, and the better I'll feel. (actually, it's a lot like working out that way... but I digress) I knew that it would help with the stress, the anxiety attacks, the joint pain, the beginnings of what may be depression... It would be a damn good panacea for what ails me. I knew that when I jack off, I feel like a sexual being again, and that's an important first step.

And I just couldn't be bothered to give a damn. I wasn't having sex. So? I didn't have a sex drive, so it didn't bother me to go without sex. Once in a blue moon I'd manage to feel a twinge of arousal at the right time, and bam! We'd have sex, it would be awesome, I'd orgasm my brains out, we'd cuddle and kiss and reconnect and revitalize our relationship... and then we'd go another few months without sex.

What finally motivated me to start trying to get myself interested in jerking off again was not me - it was my boyfriend. While cuddling after some hardcore Mario Party, it came out that he almost never masturbates any more, either. He just doesn't want to, because it's not me, and he misses me so much that it's horribly unsatisfying. I wasn't just killing my sex drive, I was killing his. I had driven a 2-3 times a day tantric multiple orgasms jack-off guy down to a once a week, maybe. I was shredding him to pieces inside bit by bit while I sat there and ignored my lady bits.

And so, I started on a new plan. I didn't tell my boyfriend, because I was afraid of how hurt he'd be if I failed. I decided to try to force myself to jack off once a day for a few weeks, hoping that this would lead to returned libido. As usual, I didn't stick to the ambitious "every day" agenda, but I still count this as a success thus far - I'm jerking off again, and enjoying it. I'm not staring at my crotch, wondering why I feel nothing more than if I shoved my Wahl against my forearm.

I have hope. I have motivation. I don't know how long either will last, but they're a start.

PSA: WTFJELLY

2011-02-07T11:00:00.000-05:00

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Let it be known that any material known as Jelly, Jel-lee, Jellie, Gelly, etc, is NOT sterilizable, under any circumstances.¹ Such materials are highly porous, and very unstable when subjected to high temperatures. They cannot be sterilized, or even sanitized, with boiling water, bleach, rubbing alcohol, UV wands, or antibacterial soap. Even medical grade Quatricide cannot sterilize a jelly toy.

You cannot sterilize jelly. Ever. Period.

__________________________________________________________________

(1) And oh, sprockets, I wish I was kidding when I tell you I've heard people claim this.

Post-MCAT Maunderings

2011-02-06T11:22:00.000-05:00

And so she returns at long last, from the endless desert of studying for the MCAT exams. There is a heaviness in the air as our heroine pauses for a rest - is it the looming month before the scores will be released? Is it the mountain of the application process that looms before her? Is it the prospect of leaving her nice, comfortable lab to find a "real job" for the year between graduation and medical school? Or is it simply being unable to believe that the 8 months of frantic studying for the epic 5-hour exam are finally over?

---

Melodramatics aside, I can finally say I've done it: I've made it through the medical rite of passage that is the MCAT exam. Not only did I survive it, I left feeling very, very confident that I had done well. I'm amazed, elated, relieved, and exhausted. I've spent the last week doing a lot of sleeping and playing video games and staring at walls. Now, it's time to start picking up the pieces of my life and putting them back together.

Because honestly, completely changing your life plans this quickly does shatter your life. My friendships need mending, because I disappeared to study for so long. My academic relationships with professors and advisors need cultivating so that I can get good letters of recommendation soon. My networking needs help, so I can find the elusive medical-field-with-just-a-BS job for my gap year. My relationship with my boyfriend is in desperate trouble - we're working on it, and he's promised not to give up on me, and I'm still madly in love with him even when he's frustrating, so there's still hope. I just have to drag myself out of bed and get back to seeing my therapist, because anxiety disorders are hell on relationships.

Also, I'm going to be getting back to writing reviews. I sincerely apologize to both my readers and the companies I work with for falling so far behind in reviews. I have a whole pile in the works, so we'll be returning to our regularly scheduled reviews, rants, and ridiculousness soon.

Nuvaring - 1 Year In

2011-01-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

I have now been on the Nuvaring for a year, and I must say I am impressed. I seem to be one of the lucky ones who has minimal side effects. My hormonally-driven mood swings are gone. I self-lubricate again. I'm not bleeding like the losing gladiator every freaking month. (I'm lookin' at you, Yaz) It works, I don't have to fuss with it except before and after sex, I don't have to remember pills, I don't have to worry about whether I can take my BC when I get sick (with my health, this is a serious concern. I just put it in, set a reminder on my phone to take it out in 3 weeks, and forget about it.

There have been a few slight drawbacks. Once in a while, an average of once every 3-4 months, I spot randomly for a day. Once in a blue moon (literally, it happened once all year) I have breakthrough bleeding. And that's seriously a bitch - I bled for 2 weeks, then I got to have my period ("withdrawal bleed" to be precise). Not cool, and a bit scary the first time, but not the end of the world. Also, the discharge production is up, but that's to be expected - when you've got a little ring hanging out up in there 24/7, any self-respecting mucus membrane is going to get a bit fussy. Again, no big deal, whoop-dee-doo.

If I had to really nitpick, the one thing that bugs me is that I HAVE to take the ring out for sex. I have a bitchy, whiny cervix, and she freaks the hell out if something even remotely pointy (i.e. the folded ring) trespasses on her domain. Seriously, that bitch is crazy.

Overall, I'm very happy with the Nuvaring. I can definitely say that I recommend it for anyone who has side effects with other birth control pills - it's the lowest effective dosage available, and being able to stop taking a pill on the clock is nice.

This month, I'm starting my second year of Nuvaring. Here's hoping that we have another good, side-effect-free year.

Pleasurists #112

2011-01-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

Tied Up by Sherwin-Prague
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #111? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #113? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form and submit it before Sunday January 1st @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Dare…to Have Sex Everywhere but in Bed by Marc Dannam Deadline: January 13th.
Fun Factory Bimini Flash Deadline: January 16th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Single Girl Giveaway! Deadline: January 17th.
Boss Dildo Giveaway Deadline: January 19th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
Best Bondage Erotic Anthology Giveaway Deadline: January 21st @ Noon Central.
Vibrator Giveaway! Deadline: January 31st.
Happy Birthday Giveaway Deadline: February 13th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
On to the reviews…
Vibrators

Dildos

Boss by Lucid Obsession
Joya Little Su by LucyLemonade

Anal Toys

Tantus Protouch by CLP

Toys for Cocks

LELO Bo & LELO Tor by Mistress Kay

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Sex Furniture

Liberator Fleshlight Mount: Two Play by Mistress Kay

Lingerie

Miscellaneous

Spam FIlter Issues

2011-01-11T17:56:00.000-05:00

I'd like to apologize on behalf of Blogger's spam filter to the people whose comments have been drifting in limbo. I'm trying to beat the stupid filter into submission so your wonderful, insightful comments will go back to posting automatically again. The filter seems to be snagging anything that mentions sex or anything pertaining to it... which kind of defeats the purpose of a sex and sexuality themed blog, dontcha think?

The fallacy of polarities and binaries

2011-01-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Polarity. Binaries. As humans, we're drawn to them, because they make the world easier to understand. They take the work out of classifying what we encounter in life.

If you're not with us, then you're against us.
If you're not perfect, then you're a failure.
If you're not straight, then you're gay.
If you're not gay, then you're straight.
If you're not male, then you're female.
If it's not perfectly good, then it's utterly evil.
If the answer isn't no, then it must be yes.
If it's not a scientifically proven fact, then it's a horrendous lie.
If it's not so clean it's sterile, then it's totally filthy.
If you're not a virgin, then you're a whore.
If you're not monogamous, then you have no loyalty or ability to love.
If you're not a scientist/doctor, then you're stupid and ignorant.
If you're not a layperson, then you can't understand what real life is like.
If you're not a size 0, then you're fat.

Look at those statements carefully. Anyone who can't see that there's a deep, common conceptual problem with each and every one of those statements should stop reading now.

In real life, there are few, if any, true natural binaries. All of these heavily polarized binaries are human inventions, human concepts. Even Alive vs Not Alive is a gradient - viruses are so hard to categorize because they straddle the barrier. We classify them as "not alive," but they haunt us, because they have so many of the characteristics we use to describe "alive." The barrier, the cut-off point is completely, humanly arbitrary.

So are all of the binaries I listed above. Each is a gradient, not just shades of gray but a glorious field of color. We have artificially created binary categories to define them because it makes it easier for our poor little brains. Sometimes, that's a good thing (for example, "food" vs "not food" was incredibly adaptive from day one); other times, it is horribly damaging.

How many times has "if you're not with us, then you're against us" been used as justification for hatred, violence, subjugation, exclusion?

How many bisexual people have found that they aren't welcome in many gay communities?

How many transpeople have found themselves unable to find acceptance at either pole of the gender spectrum?

How many non-monogamous parents have had their children taken away?

How many spiritual or philosophical truths have been laughed away simply because they cannot be tested?

How many people give up, or never even try, because because they cannot be perfect?

How many wonderful accomplishments are ignored or even reviled because they are not perfection?

How many good people find their lives destroyed because they made a single mistake, and were identified only by that mistake for the rest of their lives?

The answer is not to destroy all classification systems, all binaries and categories and labels. We're human, we need them - that's just how the brain works. The answer is to be aware of your binaries and your biases, your categories and your labels. The answer is to question them. How are they helpful? How are they hurtful? Why are they there? What does it mean to me? Do I really need it in order to function? When you find ones that are more healthy than hurtful, keep them, but always under surveillance. When you find ones that are harmful, try to understand them, and to perceive the gradient of color that lies between and around the poles.

Dare yourself to look inside, and to be honest with what you find. No one is perfect. No one can eliminate all of their false binaries and biases and stereotypes. That's not the point. The point is the awareness, the attempt.

The process.

Snowed in again

2011-01-07T11:28:00.000-05:00

The last vehicle to make it up my street before the snow made it impassible was the USPS guy, delivering a box of sex toys for me to play with. I think this is a good sign.

I'm snowed in with new toys. Let the fun begin!

Review: Incognito

2011-01-05T12:39:00.001-05:00

I'm usually not much of one for watch battery bullets or sex toys that masquerade as something innocuous. I mean, why try to explain a giant plastic sunflower when you can leave a big honkin' back massager on your desk with no one the wiser?

However, said big honkin' massagers aren't the most portable of devices. For one thing, they're big. For another, they're usually tethered to a wall by that pesky power cord, and/or they're really, really loud. This is where small, quiet, portable, discrete toys come in. I figured it could be fun to have the thrill of walking around with a vibrator in my purse that no one would recognize. I wanted to be able to grab a quick orgasm between classes.

The Incognito is one such discrete toy. Designed to look like a bottle of nail polish, it hides a secret - removing the lid reveals not a pot of lacquer, but a small bullet vibrator. To turn on the bullet, you simply twist the business end. This is very easy to do, so make sure you take out the batteries when not in use unless you want your purse to start vibrating randomly.

The power is quite respectable for something that runs on (included!) button cell batteries, but there is only so much they can do. Its strength is about on par with your average 1-AAA vibrator, and quite buzzy. However, the trade-off is that the Incognito is comparatively quiet - not quiet enough to use in a bathroom if no one else is there, but quiet enough to be covered by a little background noise, like a fan or air conditioner. The bullet easily lifts out of the bottle for cleaning, and there is plenty of space below in the bottle to hold the batteries or even a small foil packet of lube when not in use.

The biggest downfall of the Incognito as a discrete toy for tossing in your purse or leaving on a nightstand is that it simply fails to pass as a nail polish bottle, except for the quickest of glances while it's half-buried in the deepest, darkest recesses of a purse. To be brutally honest, it looks like a small child's toy makeup. Its presence could easily be explained away by caretakers for feminine children under the age of around 6-7, but the rest of us are going to get some rather strange looks for carrying what appears to be a child's toy in our purses.

Is it worth it? Maybe. Buyers with a little more money to toss around and a little less need for toys that don't look like toys would do better with something that runs on AA or AAA batteries, like a pocket rocket or larger corded bullet. If you absolutely must have discretion, but want a higher quality toy, the Lelo Mia is the way to go. However, at only $10, the Incognito would make a nice toy for a beginner to start testing the waters. While the quality is not as high as other, more expensive toys, beginners are often afraid to spend too much at the outset. The Incognito is non-threatening, the appearance isn't as likely to get them "caught" as a cheap jelly dildo, and for a toy in this price range, it packs some serious punch. For such people, this could make a good "gateway" toy, or a fun gag gift.

This product was provided to me free of charge by MyPleasure in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Where did the vacation go?

2011-01-04T16:00:00.000-05:00

And here I thought that I'd have all this time to catch up on reviews over my lovely winter break. I guess I forgot that living under this roof means no locking of doors, no privacy because of freaky acoustics, no playing in the shower because of the small water heater, and no computer time because if I can't prove I'm studying for the MCAT, I get bitched at for wasting time goofing off online when I should be studying or cleaning up after my sister or, most importantly, spending time with my family!

(Oh Great and Terrible Goddess of Grammar, I do beseech thee to forgive me for creating such a hideous run-on sentence.)

I planned on testing toys at my boyfriend's house... until his family decided after 4 years of us enjoying ourselves in his attic room, that they didn't want to hear the floorboards creak anymore. Boo, hiss. (Also, they don't approve of kink, so I can't test my very first crop, or play with my scrumptious deer suede flogger)

I planned in finding time to test that nice crop... until I injured most of my upper back. (long story short, I caught someone WAY too heavy for me)

I planned on getting reacquainted with myself sexually, now that I might have a libido again... until I got hit by

epic stress + nuvaring = month-long "period"

And since then, I've been either ill, or in the hospital for a procedure (went fine, thanks), or studying my brains out for the MCAT. Free time? What's that?

Review: Lelo Ina

2011-01-03T00:12:00.001-05:00

I like pressure with my clit stimulation. A lot. I'm what you might call a pressure junkie - I actually have a hard time getting off at all without pressure. Confession time: on two separate occasions, I have actually left visible bruises on my poor crotch in my, ahem, enthusiasm.

So when people started griping about how Lelo's first dual stimulator, the Ina, pressed down on their clits WAY too hard, my ears perked up. I might even have done a little happy dance. Epic pressure, without hurting my wrist or worrying about breaking the toy.

Bottom line? I adore it. It is the first and only dual stimulator I've ever tried that gave me the kind of vibration and pressure I wanted, without me needing to get another hand down there manipulating things. The inner portion was shaped just right to make it to my g-spot every time. It's no Pure Wand, but it does well enough. The motors are definitely stronger and are felt more deeply than the earlier motors.

Yes, motors. The Ina has not one, but two motors - one in the clit portion, and one up in the shaft. The vibration patterns let you choose between steady with both on, or with just one or the other, then patterns that include both. My favorite? When the vibration switches back and forth between the two motors. Some people have described it as almost feeling like thrusting; I'm not sure I feel that, but it's very, very fun.

For me, the icing on the cake was the pressure. The clit arm isn't rigidly attached to the shaft, as a solid piece of underlying plastic. Both the shaft and clit arm are solid under the pure silicone coating, but the attachment point is flexible. However, it is also quite stiff. You have to push it a bit to open it up for use, and once it's in place, it clamps down. The majority of reviewers have described it as pinching, painful, even torturous. Personally, I found it enjoyable and not at all painful, but I love pressure on my clitoris. Be warned - if you aren't a diehard clit-pressure fan, (or a masochist who's into clit torture) this toy may hurt!

I had very few gripes about the Ina. Sure, I would have liked a wee bit more power, but I'm a power queen. It was more than enough to get me off multiple times in a reasonable amount of time. I'd love to see them do a variation with the Gigi's head on a dual stimulator, because I still love that shape. As always, I wish it was waterproof, or at least splashproof - dorm-dwelling college students get most of their private time in the shower, ya know? It would make cleanup easier, too. (Since I received my Ina, Lelo has come out with the Soraya in their Insignia line, which appears to be functionally identical, just waterproof. Huzzah!) Otherwise, I'm happy as a geek in a gadget shop. This toy has lived in my bedside drawer, charged, at all times since I got it months ago.

And? It's bright lime green. LIME. FREAKING. GREEN. Why don't more companies make toys in such wonderful colors?

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T02:02:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year to all of you! May this coming year be a wonderful one, filled with blessings, opportunities, joy, love, and sex toys!

Sex, I Think

2010-12-18T00:22:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in... let's just say that it's been far too long. It was beautiful. It was wonderful. It made us feel closer, and it smoothed the tensions, and it helped us forgive the small stuff.

And yet, while I unreservedly call it sex, there was no penis-in-vagina. There wasn't even any strapon-in-ass. Just two people, partially nekkid, making out and groping and sharing a vibrator and orgasming our fool heads off.

Most people would look at what we were doing and call it mutual masturbation. After all, there was no oral sex, no anal sex, no vaginal sex. Therefore, it couldn't have been sex, right? But it wasn't until today that I even questioned calling what we did sex. We went into it knowing that my vagina was not going to be open for business, but wanting to have the pleasure, the emotional connection, the intimacy of sex. We went in treating this as fucking, as making love, as everything we usually call sex. Even though his penis never gained entry to my poor, forgotten vagina, on some deeper level it FELT like sex.

I'm not sure if I can explain it any better than that. By most people's definition, what we had the other night wasn't sex. By this culture's standard definitions, it was mutual masturbation, it was grinding, it was frottage, it was heavy petting with weapons-grade vibrators. As far as we're concerned, it was sex.

This whole thing has forced me to really look at my definition of sex. I'm realizing that when I really dig, I don't have such a hard and fast answer to "what is sex, and what isn't?" Yes, it's fucking (with or without any emotional component). Yes, it's oral or anal or vaginal or any combination of genital-to-genital(s)/orifice(s). It's also the nebulus region of stuff like this, that doesn't have a cut-and-dry category. In this case, it's the emotions and intent that make it sex, not what was actually done.

(As I'm writing this, I'm struck by how truly absurd the modern concept of Virginity is. That, however, is a subject for another time.)

I am just so, so glad that we had sex again. I missed the closeness. I missed the intimacy. I missed being able to appreciate his body and mine. When we're not having sex, the diseased corners of my brain decide that if we're not having sex, I must not be attracted to him anymore, and that I'm not attractive. Great self-fulfilling prophecy right there. One of the many ways that an anxiety disorder can completely fuck up lives and relationships.

Besides, until this happened, we'd never realized how awesomely sexy it can be to share a super-powerful massager-style vibrator. Share as in making a boy glans-vibrator-girl glans sandwich. Actually, he'd never realized just why vibrators are so fucking awesome until he got off on just my Fairy wand against his glans.

He's insanely quiet during sex... I'd never HEARD most of the noises he made that night. With porn, I get off most on the sounds people make when they're having a damn good time. I can, and have, masturbated to just the moaning and panting and other lovely noises in good porn. For me, suddenly getting all of these noises out of the man I love was quite possibly the hottest thing he's ever done.

Even though this is an insanely stressful and busy time for me, I'm also in a wonderful place because of this. I'm still not quite sure what happened, but it made me happy. And right now, that means a lot.

This is your brain...

2010-12-09T01:54:00.000-05:00

Because I'm on Vicodin for my badly strained back, I do not have the coherence nor the attention span to write a true blog post today. Instead, you will get an assortment of the crazy things that have floated through my drugged mind today.

My Loki-loving Druid friend is awesome, but needs to ask her deities to keep their hands to themselves. No, I will not even try to explain that statement.

My friend made me a Yule CD! I may not celebrate that particular variant of the midwinter holiday, but I greatly appreciate it. Yay pretty music!

A hug from the right stuffed animal just makes everything better. Well, maybe that's a hug TO the right stuffed animal, because an inanimate object can't really give a hug. And it doesn't make EVERYTHING better, obviously. It makes me feel better, but it's not like it's going to cure cancer or bring world peace or anything. It's a stuffed dog, damn it, not fucking Superman. Though a stuffed dog that could cure cancer would be pretty badass.

I have discovered that having my dorm room at 75*F seems to be a perfect temperature for hanging around in just PJs, without needing to cuddle under a blanket. I like lounging around in pj-shorts, so this is a nice discovery. Still a bit chilly for just bein' nekkid, though.

I have also discovered that having my dorm at about 80*F is about the right temperature for just wandering around my room naked all day.

Pretending to be a nudist behind closed doors has some drawbacks when you've got G-cup boobs. Those bitches are heavy. I have three choices - deal with my chest and back and neck hurting as they hang there all day, get very little done because I'm always using one arm to hold up my boobs, or getting nothing done because I made the mistake of asking my boyfriend to follow me around holding up my boobs all day (he is quite distracting when he gets his hands on my boobs).

Today, I missed my hip-length hair more than I have in a long time. There's something incredibly sensuous about spending the day all but naked, and feeling your own soft, soft hair rippling across your back and butt all day.

I adored the feeling of my own hair against my skin. I miss it like crazy. I'm afraid that even if I started growing my hair back out today, by the time it was long enough again I would have forgotten what the big deal was. Or gotten fed up with the crazy WORK the hair is when the roots ain't healthy. Which they won't be until we resolve my mystery health issue.

Huh. The bodies of the stylized dragonflies on my wall hanging look a LOT like penises. As in, holy shit why are there flying green penises on my wall. I may never look at dragonflies the same way again.

I have deleted the next set of thoughts about 5 times now. Each time, it was something that seemed like an awesome idea to share, that I then censored out. I guess it's good to know that I still have a modicum of good judgment left to me in my drugged state.

I kinda hate how codeine and its related drugs (esp hydrocodone) seem to make me an insomniac. I take them, and then I'm gonna be up until about half an hour before they wear off. Kinda sucks when you're sick, or injured, and need to heal.

And this is just my brain on half of the smaller Vicodin dose (the doc's having me break the pills in half to get a good dose for my body weight and stomach issues). Imagine what nonsense I'd be spouting if they made me take the whole pill? Or upped the dose? I might start babbling about schizophrenic ninja octopi again.

Maybes

2010-12-05T20:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if my relationship with my boyfriend started too quickly - or at least the sexual aspects of it. I went from completely untouched, never-been-kissed virgin to fuck-like-bunnies nympho in under a year. I had never even dated before he came into my life. He was... quite experienced for his age, all of 16 at the time. He's admitted that he pushed me, because he thought loosening up and bringing some sexuality into our relationship would make me happy. And for a long time, it did make me happy, wonderfully happy.

Somewhere along the line, something changed. Maybe it was the winters where we rarely had sex because I was always sick. Maybe it was the pain of trying to have sex when my back was chronically being a royal bitch. Maybe it was the slow, insidious, creeping onset of my anxiety disorder. Maybe it was all of them, or none, but somehow I began to lose my libido (in all senses of the word, not just the sexual). We have gone from having sex 3-5 times each weekend he visited me, to once a month... or once every two months. I'm not certain how long it's been this time. At least a month, I think, but I've lost track.

And it's not as if I'm just avoiding having sex. Compared to a few years ago, I rarely jerk off now. It used to be multiple times every day. Now, I'm lucky if I want to jerk off once a week. I have to force myself to get started when the review backlog builds up... and then I have a wonderful, marathon session with half a dozen toys, and I thoroughly enjoy myself.

That's one of the strangest things. I still love having sex, and I still love masturbating. I have crazy-good multiple orgasms. I have a damned good time. But... I almost never want it. I want to want it, but I don't.

Were you able to follow that? Good, that makes one of us.

Whatever the source, I've begun to wonder if the sexual aspects of our relationship got going too quickly for a little virgin like me. The of the decline in my libido and the beginning of our relationship hitting a very, very long rocky patch that we're still enduring line up a little too well. It leaves me wondering: if we had taken longer in the getting-closer stages, devoted less time to making out and pawing each other, would our relationship be faring better today? It's always seemed like the sexual intimacy opened the door for a wonderful emotional closeness that we'd been reaching for before, and that our relationship had been deepening and blossoming.

An insidious little voice that I know is my anxiety disorder whispers that it was all never anything but sex and endorphins and such. I know this isn't true, so I try to ignore it.

I'm left with more questions than answers. Maybe we should have taken it slower in the beginning, taken more time to kiss and cuddle and talk and dream instead. Maybe I should have spoken up when he was pushing me too fast, instead of assuming he knew what relationships were "supposed" to be like, because he'd been through it before. Maybe I shouldn't have jumped off the deep end of sexuality right from the get-go.

But maybes don't repair a broken libido and a battered relationship. Woulda coulda shouldas just send us spiraling into dark places inside ourselves, where we might be better off not looking.

Crazy Sex Toys Found On Etsy

2010-11-30T18:00:00.002-05:00

Click each image to jump straight to the listing!

Frighteningly reminiscent of a propane torch. You light the fires of my passion, baby?

Declared a "Marital Aide." Because of course the only reason to use a dildo is to help save your marriage. (Otherwise kind of cool looking. How many bright yellow dildos are there, anyway?)

Brings a whole new meaning to "blue balls"...

Dildolls. Really. I... I don't even know where to begin.

Weapons-Grade Awful

2010-11-29T15:00:00.001-05:00

My evening on twitter started here:

Ugh. This flavored Motion Lotion from Doc Johnson is gawdawful. Seriously, weapons-grade awful. AVOID.

A perfectly honest statement of opinion. Somehow, over the next hour, it devolved from there. To be quite honest, I'm not sure how it happened.

@Epiphora My tongue threatened to sue, or at least get a restraining order.

I blame my friends for goading me on.

I wonder if there are any lawyers who would take my case? "Um, you see, my tongue is trying to sue me, and I need your help..."

I really don't know how to explain this stuff.

I swore to my tongue that it would never happen again, that I would never subject her to such crappy flavors again. She doesn't believe me.

I wonder why?!

It's kinda hard to argue with one's tongue, though. They always get the last word.

I... um... hell, how does one apologize for puns? By asking that the punishment fit the crime?

Thankful

2010-11-28T21:17:00.000-05:00

Yes, this blog post is late. It's a few days past that bizarre holiday we Americans celebrate called Thanksgiving. But you know what? The post was late in part because of some of the things I have to be thankful for.

I'm thankful that I have such a wonderfully loving family who actually want to spend so much time with me. I'm thankful that they demand I put aside the books for a day to spend time with family, cook, and enjoy epic food. (Recreating all of our recipes to fit three completely different sets of dietary restrictions, yet still be delicious, is surprisingly fun. I loved it!)

I'm thankful for my health. No, really! As shitty as my health is, I can still function. I can still go to school full time, pull in an amazing GPA, and spend endless hours in the lab. As far as my pain issues go, I'm worlds better than I was this time last year. I don't have to take prescription pain meds and muscle relaxants every night just so I can get up the next morning. I am vertical and mobile without half an hour of agonizing stretching. My lungs may be going to hell in a hand-basket, but I'm grateful for the health I do have.

I'm thankful for my best friend. This guy has stuck by me through thick and through thin. When a medication turned me into an apathetic, depressed, non-social hermit last year, he wouldn't take no for an answer. He'd show up in his crazy little pick-up and whisk me off somewhere for shenanigans - ice cream, Indian food, taking pictures of our pretty campus, watching a movie... just getting me out again. Now that most of my other friends have either graduated or moved away, he's pulling me through again. He voluntarily uses his break time to pick me up from therapy to save me the cab fare. He hangs out and the most random times. He helps me with the shit therapy is putting me through. He has been my lifeline in more ways than he will ever know.

I'm thankful for my mind. Being an intellectual has been a wonderful thing these past few years. My activity levels are often restricted, so it's a good thing I enjoy just getting lost inside my own head.

I'm thankful for my boyfriend. No matter how rough things have gotten, he refuses to give up on me, on us, and he keeps trying to make it work between us. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I'm thankful for my dog. He's a bit of a nut, but he's a sweetheart. Whenever I come home, and I'm sick, he spends the whole night sleeping at my feet. Every time I so much as twitch a finger, he pads over to make sure I'm ok. The pooch may not understand bronchitis, but he's such a comforting presence.

I'm thankful for all of you, my readers, my friends. You've been with me through one of the craziest periods of my life. You've listened to my crazy rants and rambles, you've been a sounding board for my strange ideas, you've comforted me when the shit hit the fan, you've gone along with my crazy twitter hijinks. You all rawk hardcore.

Unassuming Feminism

2010-11-25T10:00:00.000-05:00

I never thought I'd one day call myself a feminist. When I was a kid, "feminist" was a dirty word, but not the way you may think.

When I was growing up, as far as I knew the world seemed to be split into two kinds of people: the normal people who believed that women were equal to men in every way and should be treated as such, and the scary uber-militant-man-hating-"feminazis". (I apologize if the term offends anyone; I'm trying to illustrate a childhood view, and that is the term I heard used for these women when I was young.) Feminists were the women who went around trying to convince us that "All intercourse is rape!" and "All men are potential rapists!" and "Marriage is nothing but slavery!" and "Down with men! Women shall rule the world!" You know the type.

Given that this was the image that was called a feminist in my childhood, it's no wonder I grew up never realizing that I was surrounded by a wonderful class of feminists: the ones who just never question that men and women are equals, that women should be treated the same as men, paid as much as men, taught the same classes and skills and encouraged to go into the same fields as men. I grew up surrounded by unassuming feminists of all genders, and I have reaped the benefits of this wonderful formative environment.

I never questioned that I could love science and math (and trounce all the boys in my school at those subjects).
I never questioned that I could prefer to build and launch model rockets instead of playing with dolls.
I never questioned that I preferred sci-fi novels to "the babysitter's club" and other "little girl" books.
I never questioned that I would be able to get a PhD in any science I chose, or an MD, or any degree I decided to go for.
I never questioned that I would keep my career when and if I got married.
I never questioned that someday, I might be the breadwinner of my family.

Some time in the past few years, I discovered that the whole world isn't like that. (Naive, I know.) I discovered that not everyone just knows, deep down, that we're equal. I discovered the horrible truth that there are people in my own community who believe I should set aside my career plans so that I can have children. (Because everyone knows that women must have babies, and you can't be a good mother if you're a busy doctor) Somehow I discovered that what I call "normal," the rest of the world calls...

Feminist.

And you know what? I kind of like the sound of that.

Inside my head

2010-11-24T02:43:00.000-05:00

I'd like to apologize to all of you, my readers, for falling apart and dropping off the radar. Due to precarious health, I've been staggering from one school deadline to the next. I've been trying very, very hard not to work myself back into either another bout of bronchitis or bad burnout. I've been trying to remember to force myself to make time for a social life, and to fan the flames of a floundering relationship with my boyfriend.

And, shock to end all shocks, I've been getting help. I've been in therapy for... gosh, almost two months now. I'm not sure whether it's helping with my GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) yet, but it's nice to have someone to talk to who can help me figure out what the hell is going on inside my head. If nothing else, my self-awareness is improving. I can now look at some of my panicky thoughts and say "hey, that's not right..." I haven't figured out how to fix said thoughts (because thoughts are slippery fellas, easy to change superficially but hard to truly alter), but knowing where the problem is must be a step in the right direction.

I've only had three full-fledged anxiety attacks this semester, and they were all very short, for me - each was under twenty minutes long. Unfortunately, my old defense mechanism against anxiety is back. I call it apathy, but I'm still highly motivated. I'm not sure what it's called, but I lose most of my desire and drive for social interaction, it becomes too much work. It makes me feel like there's a sheet of glass between me and the world, me and the future and the past. I'm still incredibly driven and high-functioning, but I'm not quite here.

Part of me wonders if that should scare me. The rest just shrugs.

I'm sorry for the lack of real posting recently. I'll try to get back to writing soon, I promise.

Untitled

2010-11-19T15:01:00.002-05:00

Some weeks the apathy is harder to fight than others.

Levaquin is a hell of a drug

2010-11-02T12:16:00.000-04:00

I absolutely love Levaquin (the antibiotic, for those of you who have never been sick enough to use it). Why, do you ask? Masturbation, of course!

Let me break this down for you. First of all, being on Levaquin means that I'm way too sick to, you know, actually be able to do real work. I can't study, can't work in my lab, and can barely tpye straight. (you know, I think I'll just leave that typo in place, because it looks funny. I wonder how you would pronounce that, anyway...) That means lots of time to jack off and catch up on porn!

Secondly, being on Levaquin generally means that I have bronchitis, so I'm coughing all the time. Generally this is a bad thing, but I discovered that the cough reflex includes tensing the PC muscles. Slip in my favorite Xhale kegel egg, and suddenly my g-spot is loving this whole sick shindig.

Third, and best, this crazy antibiotic sets of a crazy sympathetic system response (for the non-bio-geeks in the crowd, that's the one that turns on your fight-or-flight reaction). Again, sounds awful, but think about it: my heart is racing... like I'm aroused. I'm breathing fast... like I'm aroused. I'm already halfway to convincing my body that it's sexy time! Plus, and this is the bestest of them all, Levaquin makes my hands shake. All I have to do to jack off is hold my hand in the general vacinity of my clit, and the shaking does the rest! Talk about the epic pinnacle of lazy masturbation!

Damn, I need to get horrendously sick more often. I have a lot of porn to catch up on!

"Miss, we're going to have to ask you to step away from the internet, very slowly... keep your hands away from the keyboard where we can see them..."

Change in an RA program

2010-10-31T21:59:00.000-04:00

I recently spent an evening talking about all of the recent homophobia-bullying triggered suicides to a friend of mine from Rutgers. My friend is an RA in one of the Rutgers dorms, and she painted a picture for me that hasn't made it into the news.

Tyler Clementi went to an RA for help before he killed himself. While the RA took his situation seriously, and the University had rules in place against invasions of privacy that should have resulted in the expulsion of his filmers, nothing had yet been done about the situation when he decided to take his life. The RA he spoke to hadn't had any idea that he was on the verge of suicide.

The world has seen how the Rutgers community rallied in support of Tyler's family, holding candl-lit vigils in his memory. What they have not seen are the shock waves that have reverberated through the Residence Assistant program. As a group, they are beating themselves up over this. As a group, they feel that they failed him. They blame themselves for his death even more than they blame Ravi.

It will take a long time for the program to recover from the emotional aftermath of this tragedy, but in the healing are springing up seeds of hope. The residence assistance program has a strengthened resolve to be advocates for the victims of harassment. They have a very immediate motivation to make sure that they never, ever overlook the signs of depression and despair in a student. The aims of the program are changing for the good as they are trying to do everything in their power to make sure nothing like this every happens again. Ever.

It was good to hear, from someone on the inside, that Tyler will never be forgotten. It was good to hear that his death has finally sparked the changes that have been desperately needed to protect LGBTQ students from harassment and abuse. It's good to hear that something good will come of this horrible tragedy.

But damn it, what the hell is wrong with us, as a culture, that kids need to DIE before changes are made to protect them?

Just Imagining

2010-10-25T01:31:00.000-04:00

In my mind, I am rewriting what happened tonight. Instead of me ending up with a fever and missing out on sex, I'm going to pretend that I got laid. I'm going to imagine that watching our action flick lead to kisses and gropes and fondles. That we kept having to rewind to see the parts we missed while we were making out. That after the good guys saved the day, he turned off the TV and gave me a wonderful massage with this delicious-smelling chocolate massage oil I just got for review. That his massage got a little on the erotic side, and he went down for a happy ending. That we tried out some new lubes, and slipped on a new cock ring to try.

I'll imagine that between that vibrating ring, his cock, his hands, and my trusty Mystic Wand, I was screaming loud enough to wake the neighbors. That we had one of our old marathon-style sex sessions, where we actually have to pause for a rest after the first 45 minutes of fucking. That we laugh as usual at the sheer volume of lube we're having to use ("Does my pussy eat lube for breakfast or something?!"), and my hair always getting between his face and mine just when we want to kiss. That our bodies fit together so perfectly in the heat of the moment, even if someone's head accidentally hits the wall. That we both collapse into a happy cuddle-pile afterward, whispering sweet nothings to each other. That we can't keep our hands off of each other, even while we're cleaning up the toys once we recover. That we end up in bed for another quick round before dinner.

I'm going to imagine that, because it's so much sexier than having to be taken home with a fever by a worried boyfriend.

On Dealing with Doubts

2010-10-23T01:23:00.000-04:00

I know my horribly diminished sex drive is mostly due to medications and my newly-diagnosed GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I know that it is not my fault. Through working with my therapist, I've started learning to not blame myself for things I cannot control. But still, in those dark hours while you wait to fall asleep, when doubts come creeping, I wonder.

I wonder, why am I broken? Why, no matter what I do, can't I keep my libido from flatlining? Every time I change my birth control method, I get a few months of having a half-decent sex drive, but eventually it always nose-dives again. For medical reasons, I have to hormonally regulate and shrink my periods (unchecked, they cause anemia), but I've reached what my gynecologist has said is the "last" option as far as shrinking side effects go. Sterilization would do nothing for my periods. IUD can cause heavier periods; anything more, and I'd be bleeding for half the darn cycle. Besides, the anemia my periods caused makes me illegible for an IUD. Currently, I'm on the Ring. It's the lowest concentration of hormones you can get floating around in your system while still being useful; if this doesn't eliminate the side effects, no hormonal method will. And most of my side effects did go away - just not the libido issues.

I wonder, are my libido issues even directly caused by my medication any more? Sure, the hormones were the original cause. (Yaz sucked, big time) But... I've changed pills. I've changed dosing methods. Most gals don't get these issues with every single drug they try. By Occam's Razor, it's still being caused by the hormones I can't safely quit. But, because of my ugly GAD, I doubt, I question, I wonder if it really is my fault.

I wonder, is my lack of desire for sex slowly killing my relationship with my boyfriend? We went from two years of jump-each-other-at-the-slightest-excuse to once every month or two in the space of a few months. I know he's been fighting the "does she not love me any more?" demons, because he knows that for me, sex is always about love. I don't do no-strings-attached sex. Even when I had a raging sex drive, the desire didn't get pumping unless I was really feelin' the love. I still love him. I still really, really enjoy the sex we have, but I usually don't want to have sex until my first orgasm hits (or he spends twenty minutes worshipping my labia with his mouth. That feels good even if I have no desire for sex). We both feel so much more connected after sex, but most of the time, until we're actually doing it, I have no desire, no "need" for sex. And he has needs, too. A little voice in the back of my head reminds me that if he were like many guys, he'd have left by now, or would be cheating on me. I know he isn't, and wouldn't... but I have no way of knowing if he's regretting his decision to commit to me.

I wonder, is there more I could be, should be doing to "fix" my languishing libido? I haven't tried supplements, or sprays. I have a balm that causes lovely sensations and helps me get going, but I never have the desire to put it on... because I don't desire sex. Why use something to stimulate desire if I'm apathetic toward the whole thing. I haven't tried couple's therapy; I know that some of my lack of sex drive has to do with problems in our relationship, but I keep rationalizing the way I shy from this option by thinking that we both need to get our mental health issues (my GAD, his ADD) under control first. Also, we're poor college students. We can't afford couple's therapy, and there's no way in hell my insurance will cover it.

I wonder, is there some deep, dark corner of my mind that doesn't want sex? A part of me, outside my conscious awareness, that isn't just apathetic towards sex, but is actively against it? Have I so deeply internalized my family, religion, and culture's demands that I not have sex until marriage, and then definitely not with kink? Or worse yet, the question that arises on the latest of insomniac nights - has some part of me given up on this relationship with the guy who is my rock, my partner, my comfort, my jester, my reality check, my exasperation, my beloved? I want to make us work, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but... what if some demented corner of my mind has just said "fuck it"?

I wonder, I worry, I fear. But now, I've started learning to fight back. I'm a scientist, damn it! I'm an intellectual. The bodypart I prize most is my cerebral cortex, my dear brain. I'm going to reason my way out of this deep, dark funk, because I deserve better than this!

Am I broken?
Maybe. There's always a chance that some hormonal process got all bzonked to pieces, but you know what? Medication side effects are FAR more likely. I'm on hormonal birth control. I've been on and off methylprednisolone, which plays hell with the hormones. I've got low vitamin B12, which among other things can tank the libido. Over the years, we've found that my body is incredibly sensitive to most medications, so I'm very likely to be having side effects to something.

All of which means, I'm not broken. If I take a step back and pretend I'm looking at someone else's life, I've got it pretty damn good - at least I enjoy the sex I do have. Hell, I'm still wildly multi-orgasmic. Boo-freakin-hoo, I have trouble getting started. At least I enjoy it when I can make it that far.

Am I hypochondriaching my lack-of-libido side effects?
Seriously? I've never, ever had issues with hypochondria. Yeah, I get side effects to many prescription meds, but they usually show up before I go read the side effects list to begin with. If I was "faking" it, that would mean that I would have to be a psychic to pull that list out of the aether. Right. Sounds real plausible, doesn't it?

Am I ruining my relationship?
Yeah, we're going through a rough patch. Ok, call it a rough year. We're having communication issues, but the root of those issues is benign, not sinister - we both hide the things we think would just make our partner worry about us. (So we're a bit over-protective of each other, hahah) We're working on it. We've gotten the dialogue going, and after some long talks we've re-committed to doing everything we can to make this work.

On top of all that, is the lack of sack time hurting us? Probably, but it's not the main element of the problems. He understands that I have no sex drive. He has told me over and over that he intellectually knows that it's not his fault, and he never blames me for it. He knows I still love him, sex or no sex. Once he even told me that if something happened and I could never have sex again, he'd still love me and cherish me and want to marry me. Sex, while a wonderful way to express our love (and have a hell of a lot of fun doing so), is not the foundation of our relationship.

And I totally need to shut my inner voice up about the whole "does he regret it" shpeil. He's told me that he never, ever regretted committing to me. Yeah, he wishes that we didn't have to deal with my health issues, but he wishes that because he hates seeing me in pain, not because he wishes he was gettin' some. I need to learn to just accept his love and trust, without wondering if I deserve it.

Am I not doing enough to try?
Alright, stop it right there. No more of this toxic "coulda, shoulda" talk. I'm doing what I feel comfortable doing right now. There is no "should be" doing anything. There are options I am not pursuing, but you know what? That's ok. I'm not Wonder Woman, for crying out loud. These options are open to me, if and when I feel that I need them and am ready to pursue them. Until then? If I'm not ready, they're not going to do a damn bit of good, because I'll take them to mean I'm broken.

Am I anti-sex?
If I'm going to worry about this, it's time to stop just fretting and drag it out into the light, analytic style, the way my professors trained me. Yes, I have to some degree internalized the anti-premarital-sex ideas that float around me. It was bound to happen, the personality traits that made me susceptible to GAD make it all too easy for me to internalize what other people think. The first step to fighting it off, though, is self-knowledge. I know it's there. Now, I can argue with it, pick it apart until it falls into the insubstantial fluff it really is.

Am I giving up on my boyfriend?
Ok, let's look at this seriously. I have a feeling it's going to look really, really stupid once it's fully articulated. I believe that I love him. I care deeply for him, on a thousand different levels. And it torments me that something in me is sabotaging my relationship? Reality check... if I'd given up on us, this wouldn't bug me. I'd be relieved. It's like the old saying - if you're worried that you might be going insane, then you must be sane. If the thought of damaging our relationship hurts me so much, then obviously it still means a great deal to me.

I'm not broken. I'm not defective. I'm not trying to sabotage my relationship. It's hard to fight the doubts, when they come creeping in late at night, but I can beat them back. You can, too. That first step back from the fears is the hardest, but it gets easier. That little bit of perspective makes it all a hell of a lot easier to deal with.

Review: Fun Factory Share

2010-10-20T01:55:00.002-04:00

A curious thing seems to happen when a female-bodied person starts wearing something like the Share. It can happen with any strap-on dildo, but I've heard of it happening a lot more often with this style of toy. We start calling it things like "My cock," "My dick," and "My gloriously radiant fuck-stick of rapture." Ok, maybe not the last one, but you get my point. In some strange alchemical process, they cease to be toys and start to become part of us.

The first time I inserted the bean-shaped "giver's end" of the Share and looked down to see a lovely onyx cock bobbing between my shapely thighs, I began to proudly think of it as "my cock." After I masturbated with it a few times, it was most definitely a part of me in a strange and wonderful way.

Given that my psyche has, without my intent or consent, absorbed an inanimate sex toy into my being, then I guess it's a damn good thing that it's an absolutely fantabulous sex toy, isn't it?

And it is fantabulously glorious. Fun Factory started with their usual soft, velvety, plush, squeezable silicone for this toy, and then made some magic happen on the design table. The bean-shaped giver's end, while definitely girthy (1.9" in diameter at the widest point), is a very comfortable shape once inserted. It stays put pretty well, as long as you have the PC muscle strength to support its weight. The receiver's end is a smooth, sleek, gently curved penis with a slightly pronounced head. It tops out at 1.75" in diameter all the way at the joint, but the portion that is actually usable once it's in use stays between 1" and 1.25", which is a great beginner to intermediate size for vaginal or anal penetration, and a decent size for faux-jobs (like a blow job, but given to a non-biological penis).

The joint between the two ends is shaped to accommodate a wide range of anatomies. I had no problem using it alone or with a harness, or with a small vibrator wedged behind it. The flexibility of the joint makes the cock droop when inserted, but allows the bean to fit many body shapes, and even be inserted anally and still be used (even fitting around the balls of male-bodied users; just be careful not to crush them). I'm torn over whether or not I want a hole for a bullet. As long as I wasn't using a harness, I could easily get a bullet in to my clit, but I do wish I could make the whole thing vibrate. For now, I press my Mystic Wand to the joint to make the magic happen.

In many ways, the Share is the easiest dildo to peg with that I have ever tried (and the hardest in others). I can actually feel what I'm doing, so it's more than just a psychological turn-on for me now; we both get a lot of pleasure out of pegging with this. I can't "feel where I'm going" like I could if my cock were flesh-and-blood, but this is the next best thing. Steering the Share is both easier and frustrating - because of that bendy joint, there's a lot of hand maneuvering of my cock to get started, and once I'm in, some of the force and direction of the thrusts is lost when the joint just... bends. I highly recommend a harness to help with this: I used my Joque Harness, and I could still feel everything while getting a bit more control over the Share. It also helps with the issue of retention, because anal muscles are strong. I don't care how strong you think your PC muscles are, if they haven't fought with sphincters for a dildo before you may be very surprised.

My darling receiver of the pegging was an instant fan of the Share. He prefers slimmer dildos with a nice head for pegging, because it makes it more comfortable for him when he asks me to go hard and rough, so this was right up his alley. While I was frustrated by the bending of the joint, he had a different point of view. The bending meant that if I thrust too hard, the joint acted as a shock absorber to keep him from getting stabbed in an unpleasant manner. He preferred lying on his back facing me so that the upward curve of the Share spent a whole bunch of time cozying up to his prostate.

But did it generate orgasms? It was fun, but did it really deliver?

Yes. Yes it did. Not only did get off, but for once I manged to orgasm from pegging. I actually had trouble concentrating on what I was doing at times, because I was busy having wonderful g-spot orgasms from the inner portion of the Share moving inside me. I finally understand what guys mean when they say they suddenly reach the point of no return when fucking.

The Share is epic even if you don't plan to use it for penetration of a partner or gender play. As a solo jack-off toy, it's a glorious g-spotter. I love hard, pounding lovin' on my g-spot, but my poor joints seriously start to hurt if I start thrusting away at Warp 2 with a regular dildo. It's an awkward angle to hold anything at for long, and with my joint problems it's often not possible. The Share goes after the g-spot completely differently. With the bean inserted, it nestles up to the front of my vagina as happy as can be, my silicone cock bobbing in front of me. I can put my hand in my lap, in a very comfortable position, and grab the phallic end of the Share to start jacking off "guy style." Pumping away at the penis end of the Share starts banging the bean around in my vagina in a wonderful manner, thumping it against my g-spot over and over with a minimum of effort. The only difficult bit about the whole thing it is not shooting the Share across the bed when I orgasm. (Yes, really. Quite amusing, if a tad frustrating)

This isn't the usual semi-direct rubbing the g-spot as a dildo thrusts past, by no means! It's not quite like anything else I've tried, but I like it. A lot.

After play care of my lovely new cock is wonderfully simple. The Share is made of 100% silicone, so it can be wiped down, washed, bleached, dumped in the dish washer, or boiled. It's totally inert, so you can toss it in your toy storage container of choice without a care in the world. Just don't use it with silicone lubes - the one thing that can destroy your Share is silicone lube. Pjur Bodyglide and Sliquid Ride Silicone both tested safe with my Share, but always test your silicone lubes on a small, unobtrusive patch to make sure they won't ruin the toy.

To make a very, very long story short, I love my Share. I adore my Share. It's everything I hoped it would be when I started wishing for it way back when, and more. If anything ever happens to my wonderful black cock, I will be immediately running for the nearest internet access point to buy three more. Just in case.

Thank you Fascinations for sending me the Share to review!

This product was provided to me free of charge by Fascinations in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Bigotry and Transgender Health Care

2010-10-19T16:10:00.000-04:00

On Tuesday, my family was reminded of the discrimination that transgendered couples can face in our area. My transmom had been sick for a few days when she went to see our doctor (who does know that my transmom is transgendered). She sent my transmom straight to the hospital to be checked for diverticulitis. She should have gone straight there, but she couldn't.

Why?

Because she had to go home and change into masculine clothes, taking off her bra and switching from panties to briefs. She had to make sure that no one would question her presentation as a man before she could go to the hospital.

Why?

Because if she went to the hospital as the woman she is, the hospital could (and has, to other families) turn my mother away and refuse her visiting rights. They are legally married in this state, but the hospital would assume that a marriage between two women couldn't possible be valid, as homosexual marriages are illegal in our state. (My parents can remain married once my transmom legally transitions, but they would not be allowed to marry if they hadn't met until after the transition)

My transmom had to endanger her health and delay going to the hospital, just to make sure that she didn't offend someone by being in a homosexual marriage.

Diverticulitis is not a condition to be trifled with. The doctors at the hospital suspect that my transmom may have a perforated bowel. She may have an infection spilling into her abdominal cavity. She may need to have a section of her colon removed after this.

And she had to delay even going to the hospital, because of pure, unadulterated bigotry.

Pleasurists #99

2010-10-12T18:55:00.000-04:00

rainbow by bootlog
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #98? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #100? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form and submit it before Sunday October 17th at 11:59pm PDT. Also, keep a look out this week for our 100th Edition Giveaway Celebration!

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes! Deadline: October 15th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Guest Post and Giveaway Deadline: October 15th @ 11:59 Central.
Win a bottle of Sliquid Swirl Pink Lemonade! Deadline: October 17th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Win a copy of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples by Diana Daffner Deadline: October 18th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Join in True’s 24th B-Day Blowout for the Chance to Some Sexy Party Favors! Deadline: October 18th @ 11am Central.
Win the Death by Orgasm Scorpion vibe! Deadline: October 19th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Win a Whipspider toy from She Vibe! Deadline: October 20th @ Noon Eastern.
Death By Orgasm Giveaway Deadline: October 22nd.
Halloween Birthday Bash Giveaway Deadline: October 27th.
M’s Halloweeny Birthday Bash Giveaway Deadline: October 29th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
Holy 4th Blogiversary Contest Deadline: October 31st @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Win Flower and Rocket Balm Deadline: October 31st.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #20
Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
On to the reviews…
Vibrators

Sqweel by Ginger Leigh
Sex A-Peel by True Pleasures
LELO Liv by Mistress Kay
Symphony by Evil Poptart
LELO Gigi by Greta Switch
LELO Mona by Evil Poptart
Budding Bliss by Mistress Kay
Pirates Pendant by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
OhMiBod Club Vibe by Kit O’Connell
OhMiBod Club Vibe by Luscious Lily
Remote Control Vibrating Panties by Kate
Touche Ice Vibe by Aurore
Fun Factory Ocean by Dr. Ruthie
Fun Factory Spring by Kate
Vibrating Dilator Set by Luscious Lily
Fun Factory Patchy Paul III by Femenina Deliciosa
Liberte 1 by LucyLemonade
Pirate’s Cove by Sammi
Wanachi Mini by Outspoken Clitic

Dildos

Anal Toys

Ophoria Rapture #6 by Cooper
LELO Bob by Outspoken Clitic

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Moregasm by Quizzical Pussy

Adult DVDs & Porn

Sex Furniture

Liberator Stage by Mistress Kay

Lingerie

Wicked Tickles Bow back Pants and Striped Thigh Highs by Joanna Cake

Miscellaneous

Review: Vibrating Dilator Set

2010-10-11T00:20:00.003-04:00

The Vibrating Dilator Set is an interesting answer to a common need. Whether vaginally or anally, many people have wanted to work their way up to insertion of something larger, be it flesh or sex toy. However, how many people want to buy a dildo in every half or quarter inch increment between their start and their goal, when they just want to play AT said goal?

That's where this vibrator comes in. With a single sex toy, you have four different sizes to play with, ranging from 7/8" in diameter and 3.5" long to 1.5" in diameter and 6.25" long. (the image above shows the smallest of the three shells already attached to the base over the smallest size) All four sizes are shaped like a basic "stick" style vibrator. The smallest size is built onto the handle and houses the motor. The other three nest around it and lock into the handle, like a set of kinky Russian Dolls. I'm serious when I say they lock in place - they give a firm click when you twist them in, and if they're wet or covered in lube, you are not going to be able to get them back off without hilarity and embarrassment. When you're working your way up, just leave the smaller ones in place and attach the big ones around them. Trust me. Do as I say, not as I do. You can avoid much frustration.

It may only run on two AA batteries, but the motor on this toy is STRONG. I'm talking stronger than Wahl-on-low strong, but incredibly buzzy. As you start adding shells to the dilator, the power damps down considerably, and the vibrations get much less buzzy; with the final shell in place, it starts to move into deep vibe territory. If very strong, buzzy vibrations bug you, make sure to turn the little power dial on the handle way down until you have a shell or two in place. The advantage of this motor is that there is still some power left when it gets all the way out to the last shell, so it's a worthy trade-off. Those vibrations can go a long way for getting either the vaginal or anal muscles to relax, which speeds up the dilation process.

The set comes with a ridiculously large lavender organza drawstring bag. I'm assuming it's there to store the set, but the size is just comical. With everything inside, I was able to roll the excess around the contents three times. The bag also easily fits three netbooks, or five water bottles, or a pair of shoes, or a small pillow. Seriously, they went a little overboard on this one. There is also a clear, nubby silicone blend sleeve included in the kit, which fits over all but the largest shell. You have to like large, squishy nubs for this to do anything for you, though. We never use it, because without it the Dilator is completely waterproof and sanitizable - wash it with soap and water when I'm the only one using it (anal only), or wipe it down with bleach when we want to share. That sleeve is not sterilizeable, so it's a one orifice toy. Share between vaginas if you're fluid bonded, but otherwise you're going to need condoms.

Whether you're working through them in quick succession in preparation for penetration, or slowly, gently teaching your body to accept increasingly larger insertions, this is a good, solid choice. It's not fancy, it has no bells and whistles. It's innovative, and it just works.

Thanks to Good Vibrations Sex Toys for sending me the Vibrating Dilator Set!

This product was provided to me free of charge by GoodVibrations in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Jaded Adventures

2010-10-10T18:24:00.000-04:00

Recently, I've noticed that I may be becoming a bit jaded when it comes to sex toys. It's happening across the board, but I'm seeing it mostly with vibrators. I've tried a whole bunch of vibrators by now, and I've got a very good idea of what works for me, and what doesn't. It takes a lot to get me excited about a vibrator anymore. It does happen, but I don't start jumping up and down and squealing every time someone offers to send me a premium vibe now. (Yes, that did happen once upon a time. The first time I was sent a Lelo toy, I went a little bit nuts.)

Crazy as it may sound, this has been good in some ways. I have a few vibrators (in a wide range of price points) that really get me there; no matter what my mood, that small group has what I need. Because I'm no longer hunting for a vibe to fit an all-important niche, so to speak, I've broadened my horizons. Originally, I had no interest whatsoever in dildos - now, I want to try every non-porous material I can get my hands on. I'm trying toys for anal play, and pegging. I'm wandering around the world of lubes a bit more. And I'm branching into some BDSM and fetish interests.

I haven't reviewed many BDSM toys here, I know. The toys I truly love are almost all handmade beauties I've picked up at vendor fairs, or the occasional toy I've made myself. However, I drool over all sorts of toys I haven't tried or don't own. Wartenberg wheels and other prickly toys. E-stim, both TENS and Violet Wand. Pumps. Clamps. Interesting restraints. Paddles. Floggers and whips. Dragon Tongues and gags. Lovely, lovely rope.

Things I would never have considered a few years ago are now on my radar. A year or two ago, I was curious, but they were never priorities - there were always other things I wanted to review and try more. Now? I'm definitely a lot more curious, though still a little newbie.

Maybe being jaded isn't so bad after all.

Review: Club Vibe

2010-10-07T10:00:00.002-04:00

Confession time: I'm a gadget girl. A serious gadget lover. Put a new geeky electronic in front of me, and I'll disappear for hours learning everything I can about it, and just fiddling around with it. Phone? Ebook reader? Camera? Game system? Little whosit no one can figure out? I'm there. For me, a vibrator is just another kind of gadget, so an innovative, cool, and functional looking gadget of a vibrator? The Club Vibe was right up my alley.

There is a lot to love about the Club Vibe. First of all, it's a sex toy that is designed to be taken out and about in your outside-the-bedroom life. That is totally hot. Second, this bullet responds to your environment, vibrating along with the noises you hear. That's where its name comes from - when you wear this vibrator to a club, your clit gets to thump along with the music.

The controls are wonderfully intuitive, and simple (they sound more complicated than they are). One edge of the control box has a slide switch allowing you to choose between Off, On - built in functions mode, and On - Ambient mode. The bottom edge has the audio in jack (cord provided) and the volume roller. The top edge is where the bullet plugs in. The front has two fingertip-sized buttons flush with the control box. When the Club Vibe is set to Ambient, these buttons do nothing. When it is set in Function mode, the circle button turns on the vibrations and switches between functions, and the X shaped button is an instant-off. (I love this one, as I'm always bitching about wanting to be able to turn off my vibes in a hurry. This toy is wonderfully easy to use, with all its clearly labeled buttons.

The thong that came with the Club Vibe was ok. It wasn't amazing, but it wasn't a total loss, either. The fabric is soft, the scalloped edging is annoying, the stretch lace waistband is comfortable. It's supposed to be one size fits most; it fit well in some areas, and gapped in others, so it wasn't something I'd wear to feel sexy. It would work better for someone with the right body shape, but I'll be darned if I can figure out what that is supposed to be. It didn't have a pocket to put the velvety micro bullet in, so I just did what I always do when I don't want to hold a bullet - tuck it between my labia right where I want it. They hold it in place just fine, especially once I put my pants on. You could tuck it inside the vagina (though I'd recommend a condom, since it's not waterproof), in front of or behind the scrotum, or just loose in the underwear to roam where it will, but don't stick it up your butt. This is not anal-safe, and the bullet might decide to go on an unauthorized adventure!

There is a definitely learning curve with taking this toy to a noisy event. I had to fiddle with the volume quite a bit, because on Ambient, the higher the volume setting, the stronger the vibrations for the ambient noise level. I discovered a flaw in use, however. For discretion, I tucked the controller in my pocket, but the fabric muffled the sound. I was vibrating to the sound of my jeans rubbing against the microphone, not the explosions in the movie. I did eventually clip it to my waistband, and hoped that no one would wonder what the heck it was. Problem solved; it picked up the sound effects quite well, and those dramatic explosions suddenly got a lot more exciting!

Where I really ran into issues with this was when I tried to use the Club Vibe while watching porn. I love listening to all the moans and sexy vocals in porn, so vibrating that hit me in time with the moans? Should have been perfect. The Club Vibe comes with a neat little cable: it plugs into your headphone jack, you plug it into your Club Vibe, then you plug your headphones into the split second end of the cable. I found that if I kept the sound low enough that it wasn't physically hurting my ears, I got very little vibration out of the club vibe, no matter how high I turned the control pack's volume. It may have been my nice (but not uber-good) headphones; it might have been my sensitive, musician-trained ears. Either way, I couldn't get vibrations and hear the porn at the same time, which kind of defeated the point.

The Club Vibe can pack a punch. When set to its functions mode, the highest setting is quite strong, but very buzzy. It's about on par with your average 2-3 AA powered bullet. It has some fun patterns, but as usual I found myself going back to the steady settings to get off.

Even though it isn't water resistant, the Club Vibe is pretty easy to care for. The bullet, cord, and battery pack can be carefully wiped down with toy cleaning wipes or a damp cloth. Be careful to get the seam and connection point of the bullet clean, as those two spots like to collect junk. This toy is not sterilizeable, so use a condom to share. Between uses, pull out the batteries and store the whole set in the pretty included bag. OhMiBod gets major props for including this. It's a very sturdy drawstring bag made out of stretchy, almost sparkly black velvet, with OhMiBod embroidered on the front in white and pink. The control box, bullet, all cords, a set of batteries, and the thong all fit inside the bag easily, making it easy to keep track of all the pieces.

Is the club vibe worth it? That really depends on what you want it for. If you've always wanted to have a toy that vibrated along with your porn or music, you may want to pass on this one and go for one of their other toys (the original OhMiBod absolutely shone here; I don't know about the more recent models). If you want a strong microvibe to wear that will pulse with the music or the movie, then this is it. This one rocks that niche.

Thanks to Good Vibrations Sex Toys for sending me the Club Vibe!

This product was provided to me free of charge by GoodVibrations in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Cystic fibrosis? Again? Really?

2010-10-06T09:00:00.002-04:00

Last winter, when my Vitamin B12 deficiency came to light in and around the usual bouts of bronchitis, my primary care doctor (Dr. M) decided that I should be tested for Cystic Fibrosis. She told me to get in touch with my pulmonologist (Dr. D) and talk to him about getting the test done.

Long story short, it took me a month to get that appointment. He had a new secretary, unfortunately - the old one knew that Dr. D wanted patients like me with cronic, often critical medical problems to be worked in the week we called for anything other than the twice-yearly lung checkup. That left me with a month of time to stew.

I've joked that I'm addicted to the internet, that I've got an "interwebs graft into my thalamus" and that I half live in the online world. While it has its downsides, I am also very comfortable and competent at finding good, reliable information on the internet, fast. Google and I are tight, you know? Like a good patient, the first thing I did when I got home from seeing Dr. M was to head over to MedLinePlus (a website run by the NIH) to find out more about this disease she wanted to test me for.

As I scrolled through the page, I learned. I saw lists of symptoms, treatments, causes, and mechanisms. I saw that yes, I did show a few of those warning signs (phlegmy lungs, frequent lung infections, vitamin/mineral deficiencies). Then, I reached the part about median lifespan.

40.

Forty years old.

That was the middle-of-the-road time of death of patients with cystic fibrosis. I was 22. I had just decided to go to medical school. According to this, I could croak after about 5 years in practice. I could already be over halfway done with my life, and finished with the "healthy" phase thereof.

I had never, before or since, feared for my life. Ever, for any reason. In that moment, though, I looked into the terrifying abyss, and a small part of me screamed and jibbered in fear. The rest of me was just struck dumb with shock.

In retrospect, I'm amazed that I didn't go into an anxiety attack. Instead, I turned back to my trusty internet. Further digging around showed that there was a direct correlation between the age of onset of cystic fibrosis and lifespan; over 70% of patients are diagnosed by age two, skewing the median way, way down. If I did have cystic fibrosis, then not showing any symptoms until I was in my early twenties meant that I had a very, very good chance at a longer, moderately healthy life. I probably wouldn't be hitting the usual 90-100 and healthy that women in my family often reach, but I should be able to enjoy my retirement.

This was reassuring to some degree, but seriously? I was fucking terrified. I was just told that my doctor wanted to test me for an incurable disease with a MEDIAN LIFESPAN OF 40. True to form, I buried myself in my studies and flurries of work to get stuff done while I waited for my appointment with Dr. D. I tried not to think about the test, and when I did, I reminded myself of all the information I had found. I made me feel better while I was actively thinking about this information, but when I moved on to other things, it stewed in the back of my mind.

Finally, the day came to see Dr. D. I arranged for someone to cover my hours in the lab so I could take the morning off, and off I went. After talking to me and hearing what Dr. M asked me to tell him, my pulmonologist told me flat out that there was no way in hell that my problem was cystic fibrosis. It just didn't fit. (he also said that I would have been tested in infancy; I later learned that no, I wasn't, I was born in an area where that test wasn't part of the standard infant battery) He talked for a moment about why such a suggestion was way out in left field, and gave me his hypothesis for what was wrong with me, explained scientist to scientist. (Have I mentioned how much I love the respect this man gives me?) He told me that the one and ONLY reason I might possibly get the cystic fibrosis test was if it would make me feel better. A very proactive, often aggressively treating doctor told me that it would be a waste of money to get this test. I left his office feeling endlessly relieved, and didn't think about it again for months except to laugh over it with friends.

Fast forward to this Monday. I've just been diagnosed by Dr. M with my first case of bronchitis of the winter. We had been hoping that treating my Vitamin B12 deficiency would make my immune system strong enough to stave off these recurring lung problems. Again she says that she thinks I should be tested for cystic fibrosis. I spent the next ten minutes trying to relay, though my sickness-induced haze, that Dr. D had decided it was completely unnecessary. Dr. M, my primary, decided that I really do need to get tested for cystic fibrosis. She wrote me a script, and said "Get thee to a LabCorp!" (ok, maybe not quite like that, but I can have a wee bit of poetic license, can't I?)

So here I am, sitting with this prescription for testing for a genetic disorder of the lungs that a lung doctor says I don't need to be tested for. Last time, I was terrified. This time, I'm just frustrated and slightly angry. I feel like I'm being jerked around. I feel like my primary, Dr. M, is just grasping at straws. She's a wonderful, sweet woman who cares deeply about her patients (too deeply, perhaps). She has been truly hurt watching me suffer through joint and back pain she couldn't cure, nutrient deficiencies that shouldn't be there, acid reflux caused in part by her treatments for the former, and endless attacks of debilitating bronchitis shredding my lungs to mincemeat. The poor woman was hurting from watching me suffer and not being able to cure any of it. Treating my vitamin B12 deficiency really was a bit of a Hail Mary pass, as it were, because my numbers were borderline. Part of me wonders if she has run out of ideas and is continuing to grasp at straws, desperately hoping that something she does will show us the answers.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being a pincushion once a month as we do test after test trying to figure out what's wrong. I'm tired of treatments that don't work. I'm tired of being told that I'm too young to have these problems. I'm tired of not knowing what's wrong with me. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Another odd little tangent into religious beliefs...

2010-10-05T19:40:00.000-04:00

Unlike many people, I rarely experience the divine in a church. I experience the divine in a beautiful piece of classical music, in a perfect sunset, in an insight into quantum physics, in the study of neurulation, the development of the embryo's nervous system. Crazy and geeky as it may sound, I see god/goddess/creator/spirit/whatever you want to call it when I understand a truly elegant biological system like the retina or the neuron. I see these things, and I am struck by awe and wonder. I don't see the divine as "intelligently designing" these things, I see the divine as immanent in them.

And yes, sometimes I see the divine in orgasm, both during masturbation and during intercourse. So I guess you could say that I sometimes pray with my vibrators, hahah.

Why We Gift

2010-10-01T00:58:00.000-04:00

"Why do you still give each other anniversary gifts?" My friends as me. "I mean, seriously. You've passed the stage where you need to impress each other, and it's not like you're married!"

It may seem a little strange to some of you. Why force yourself to buy each other gifts? Wouldn't it be more financially responsible to just enjoy each others company? What is this commercialized world coming to?!

Back up a bit. My boyfriend and I are both the kind of people that love giving gifts. We love seeing a person's face light up with joy when they open a gift that really makes them happy. We love how even little gifts can make someone so happy. It's no surprise then that we love to give each other gifts. Heck, we'd be randomly springing little gifts on each other all the time if we could.

And therein lies the rub. Endless random gifts, much as we would love to give them, equal an endless hemorrhage of money from the bank account. Simply put, neither of us can afford the constant gift-giving we want to engage in. We came to a bit of an unspoken agreement that we would try to keep the majority of our gifting tendencies tethered to "excuse days" like Giftmas, birthdays, Valentine's Day, and anniversaries. It lets us save up for one or two really nice gifts each year (the Kindle he got me; the PSP I got him), without also blowing a hole in our wallets with all sorts of "just because" presents.

That doesn't mean they don't happen - they do. The "just because" presents are usually fewer and farther between now; they're usually less expensive. (say, a box of silly Pac Man candies instead of a hardback book or a pretty shirt; doesn't seem like much, but trust me, they add up...) Neither of us feels guilty now when the other brings a little gift. There's no more worrying about "matching" or "topping" the other's gift, either. It takes a lot of the stress back out of gifting, and lets us just enjoy it.

And isn't that what gifting is supposed to be about?

Pleasurists #97

2010-09-28T15:25:00.003-04:00

Altisonus by loadsatequila
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #96? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #98? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday September 26th at 11:59pm PDT.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Name My Toybox Deadline: First person to correctly identify every item.
11:11 Designer Condom Cases Deadline: September 30th.
Win an Ophoria A Chain Deadline: September 30th.
Win a Sex Positions 101 Deadline: September 30th.
Cumming for Kasidie Contest Deadline: October 1st.
Dare… to Have Anal Sex Book Giveaway! Deadline: October 3rd @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Guest Post and Giveaway Deadline: October 15th @ 11:59 Central.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #19
Editor’s Pick

A gushing review… by The Bedroom Blogger

The Fascinator Throe by Liberator is the best thing that has happened to my bedroom since the boyfriend. So, you may ask…what is a Fascinator Throe? To which I would respond, ‘Uh, you mean other than amazing?’ Okay, seriously…I’ll stop gushing (ha…that’s the beauty! I don’t have to!). Oh…I’m too much.

Note: A very new reviewer with an excellent voice. I enjoyed the cliché euphemisms that she tosses around (ironically?) and her feeling about the product nearly jumped off the screen giving the medium-length review a lasting impression. It’s not always that an excitedly positive review will grab me like this one did and I look forward to forthcoming reviews.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
On to the reviews…
Vibrators

Jimmyjane Form 3 by Femenina Deliciosa
Teardrop Bullet by buzzvibe
Tybo Europa by Holly
Blue Venus by Lucid Obsession
Blue Venus by buzzvibe
Blue Venus by Elodie
bSwish bNaughty Deluxe by VanillaKinks
Ophoria Beyond No. 1 by Bitchin’ Babe
RO-120 Mini Mates by Mistress Kay
Rocks Off Bullet Bunny by Femenina Deliciosa
LELO Mona by Trina
The C-Spot by Red Vinyl Kitty
Petite Couture Amorous by Shay
Sqweel by VanillaKinks
Mystic Wand by Luscious Lily
Natural Contours BonBon by Dr. Ruthie

Dildos

Anal Toys

Deluxe Anal Douche by Kate
LELO Billy by Sammi

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Lingerie & Costumes

Miscellaneous

Open Letter to My Breasts

2010-09-27T21:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Boobs,

Please pick a size and stick with it. Seriously now, this is starting to get a little ridiculous. I'm almost 23, it's high time you settled down. Continued size- and shape-changing shenanagins will force us to resort to more drastic measures.

Respectfully,
The Management

Future Plans

2010-09-26T22:45:00.000-04:00

Someday, Lily's going to be Dr. Lily.

Now, don't get all excited on me yet. This glorious day is still years down the road. I have to finish my 5th and final year of undergrad (had to slow things down for medical reasons). Then, I have to take a year off... because you have to start getting ready to apply to med school around New Years of your junior year, at the latest, if you want to go straight to medical school when you graduate. I was still figuring out what the hell I wanted to do with my life at that point, so I was SOL. Then, I have 4 years of medical school to get through. When I graduate, I will have earned the right to put that Dr. in front of my name.

But wait! There's more! You don't get to really BE a doctor for a few years after that. There are these little things called Residencies that you have to do first, lasting 3-5 years. Then, if you want to, you can specialize... which takes another 2-5 years. (supposedly, with most specialties this ends up being 6-7 years total)

If you've been counting along, you may have realized that this means 9-16 more years of stuff I have to do before I'm a full-fledged, off-on-my-own doctor. In reality, it'll probably be around 12 years, because I do plan on specializing. In something. Don't rush me, I haven't figured that part out yet.

That would put me at the lovely age of 34 before I'm actually an honest-to-goodness practicing doctor. 34 before I truly get started in my field of choice. And if I hadn't delayed things with medical problems and not knowing that I wanted to go to medical school, it would still be 32. And I'll have somewhere between $100k and $250k in medical school debt to pay off. (ever wondered why Docs get paid the big bucks? That's a big chunk of why why. No life of your own till your 30s, and you start it with uber debt. Sound like fun? Didn't think so.)

Crazy as it sounds, I'm happy. That's what tells me I'm making the right decision. The fact that the idea of being 34, taking my first "real" job in my field, with a pile of school debt doesn't phase me because of what I'll end up doing, tells me I've found my place. I love research, I really do... but I was grumpy about slogging through grad school to get there, even though I'd probably have little to no debt when I graduated. (hooray for science graduate programs that pay you...) There's a very loud voice in my head crowing that it doesn't matter, because I'll be doing what makes me happy. I'll be using all this stuff I store in my bizarre warehouse of a brain to help people, directly, hands-on. I won't be hoping that, someday, what I do in the lab might help someone. I'll know, every single day, that what I'm doing is making a difference.

And for me, that's what matters. I need to help people. I need to make a difference, for good. Hell, that's part of why I started doing sex toy reviews in the first place. The free toys are great, but I wanted to help people make informed buying choices. That's why I've been writing the series on being the daughter of a transwoman - to help other people, both those who might be in the same position, and the general public who need educated.

So, to come back from a very long-winded ramble, I just wanted to share this with you. It's a huge part of my life. It's quickly becoming an integral part of the way I see myself. And... I'm dropping off the face of the earth a bit to study like mad for the MCAT. I've got all my other ducks in a row, so I need to make sure I've got the highest score I can to get into my goal schools. I just keep telling myself that it will make me stronger!

Review: Tenga Egg - Spider

2010-09-23T15:53:00.000-04:00

The Tenga Egg has been buzzed about for long enough to get me curious. At first, I figured that it was just another disposable masturbator; isn't that what Tenga was known for? Then, I started hearing the gals raving about it. I tried to wrap my mind around wrapping a masturbator around your Hitachi, and my brain ended up needing a hard reboot. I was seriously confused until I dug up some pictures on sex toy stores of what the heck this thing actually looked like. I was curious, but not desperately so.

When Babeland offered me the chance to try one with my Mystic Wand (which they also provided), I figured I might as well. If nothing else, I could pass it off to my boyfriend. I mean, come on, how much fun could a little handful of TPE be?

A LOT. Seriously, a lot.

After peeling off the "shell" and popping open the "egg," I was confronted with a little egg-shaped blob with a packet of lube down its center. Tenga gets major props for considering the little details here. Dubious, I pulled it out... and was instantly enthralled. It was squishy. It was soft. It stretched and stretched forever! Even just as an innocent toy, it would have been cool.

(Me? Easily amused? Perhaps...)

When I flipped it inside out, the reason for its name, the Spider, quickly became apparent. The textured inside looked like a cartoon spider's web. In that moment, I felt like the Spiderman of Sex Toys.

But enough about how fun it was to mess around with. What really won me over with the Tenga Egg was using it on my Mystic Wand. It flips easily around the head, then stays put until you peel it off. It adds a whole heck of a lot of cushion and texture to the wand without damping the vibrations much. It also makes them feel even more deep and thrummy, so it might be good for taking the edge off of toys like the Hitachi and Fairy wands. A bit of lube helped the egg glide, but be careful not to use too much of a very thick lube - for one thing, much of the texture will be lost; for another, it suddenly gets hard to keep the damn thing on the wand!

I know this is supposed to be a one-use toy, but if you're careful it isn't hard to clean and re-use an egg at least 3-4 times. Even with all of that texture, it was easy to clean. Flipped so that the smooth side wraps around the fingers off one hand, the other hand can gently rub soapy water around the toy. To dry, leave it standing, texture out, on its opening. Do not put it away until completely dry!

After one use over a massager and a cleaning, there was almost no distortion to the egg. However, after my boyfriend got a hold of it and jerked off with it just once, where his head hit it there is now a badly stretched-out portion that will probably rip soon. And this was while he was playing gently, trying not to damage it! He really liked the texture, and being able to feel both his hand and the sleeve, because it gave him an endless variety of sensations if he changed his use just a little bit.

I absolutely adored the Tenga Egg as a cap for my wand massagers. It makes them feel like a totally new toy, and I can't wait to try other the other designs. The boyfriend also endorses them, especially for trips when you want to pack lightly. Because of the stretching factor, your mileage may vary for number of uses. Using it to jack off a penis definitely puts more wear and tear on the Egg, so you may only get 1-3 used out of it even with care. If you are just wrapping it around a massager, the minimal stretching means you may get as many as 6-8 uses, possibly more.

Thank you, Babeland!

This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Review: Mystic Wand Attachment

2010-09-22T16:00:00.002-04:00

Like the Mystic Wand for which it was designed, the boringly named Mystic Wand Attachment is a stunning example of Vibratex listening to our gripes, listening to what we want, and then making it happen. If it fits your body, this sex toy totally rocks.

Made of fully sanitizeable silicone? Check. Grippy silicone so it stays put on the wand? Check. Enough texture on the cup to stimulate, without making it a bitch to clean? Check. Odd yet wildly successful g-spot-targetting shape (as also seen on the much beloved Fun Factory Gigolo and Lelo Gigi)? Double check. Short enough not to sail on past the average g-spot? Check!

Seriously, the Mystic Wand Attachment has some really awesome stuff going on. On top of all of this, they finally managed to find a way to get the attachment to transmit most of those powerful vibrations up into the shaft of the attachment. Almost every single massager attachment I've ever tried has failed miserably in this department. Most lose 3/4 of their power at the junction where the shaft sprouts from the head of the massager. In such cases, you're better off with a good dildo or g-spot vibe for internal play. Between the higher-than-average density of the silicone and the quite thick shaft-base, this gets the vibrations over to the business end of the attachment. And that? Makes all the difference in the world.

I have just one gripe with this otherwise fantastic attachment. There is a point that juts up to make contact with the clit; if it worked, this would suddenly be an epic dual-stimulation attachment. Unfortunately for me, the distance between the base of the shaft and the clitoral nub is simply too short. It ends up jabbing my labia instead. It's not a deal-breaker, but it would have made an already amazing attachment truly stellar.

Is this worth buying? Heck yes. Even if the clit point is in the wrong place for you? Yes. The only users I'd warn off from this are those who already know that they do not like the oddly flattened shape of the head. While it's just soft enough not to catch on the pubic bone, it's not a universally adored shape. Otherwise? It's an awesome little addition to your Mystic Wand.

Thanks Babeland!

If you don't already have the Mystic Wand,

you can buy both wand and attachment here!

This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Crazy Twitter Followers

2010-09-21T17:46:00.000-04:00

Sometimes my twitter account gets followed by the most random folks. I can understand when a makeup blogger follows me after I tweet about lipstick. I can understand when a Medical Supply store's twitter follows me after I gripe about my back or my mom's diabetes. Heck, while it makes me giggle, I can even understand how SFW Mommy Bloggers can end up following me after I tweet about "toys!"

There are some, though, that I just don't understand.

Today, a forklift company's twitter followed me. Forklifts! I kid you not. Looking back at my tweets, I can't for the life of me figure out what made them think that following me was a good idea. I can't say it better than I did when I shared this bit of insanity with the twitterverse -

A forklift store is following me. I don't have THAT many toys, honest!

Review: Mystic Wand

2010-09-21T17:00:00.000-04:00

I've played with a few different wand style massagers/vibrators in my time as a reviewer, and I have to say that the Mystic Wand by Vibratex truly deserves the title of Really Frickin Awesome. It's proof that some designers really are listening to what we say about our sex toys.

"I love the Hitachi, but I wish the head was sterilizeable." Silicone head, check
"I love my Wahl, but I wish I could take it in the shower" Waterproof design, check
"I love my massager, but it's so big that it's hard to use during sex" Smaller shape, check
"I love the power, but I can't deal with how buzzy and loud some massagers are" Deep vibrations and modest noise level motor, check
"I love my massager, but I wish there were patterns of vibration instead of just 2 or 3 solid speeds" And also check.

The Mystic Wand fills a niche that we've been demanding be filled for years. This little powerhouse is small enough to toss in an overnight bag, or even a large purse. It's lighter than many massagers, so your hand doesn't get tired after the first few minutes. The velvety covering of the handle means it doesn't get as slippery. It's got a dedicated on/off switch. The head is made of fully sterilizable silicone, which by itself would have made this a good buy. (you're going to have to work to get gunk out of the grooved head, though) It's waterproof, too, if it wasn't already awesome enough.

When it comes down to it, though, what really makes or breaks a massager is the motor. Is it strong enough to compare to that benchmark of massagers-turned-vibrators, the Hitachi?

No, the Mystic Wand is not quite as powerful as the Hitachi, nor Wahl. However, it's the closest I've ever seen a battery powered toy get to such power. The vibrations are much deeper than the Hitachi, so you numb up much less quickly. Though lacking a little of the sheer power, its serious advantage is that it was designed from the very beginning to be a sex toy. They made it sterilizable, water-safe, and practical for maneuvering during sex. They made it run on the omnipresent AA batteries - while a rechargeable toy is nice, that would have seriously driven up the price.

And, shock of shocks, this toy is actually attractive! The Hitachi is an old looking, clunky beast. The Wahl is just plain ugly, much beloved though it is. The Ideal just looks plain strange. The Mystic Wand doesn't look out of place in a bag of sex toys, but you could leave it on your desk and pass it off as an honest back massager.

At the end of the day, is the Mystic Wand worth buying? Even if you already have one of the classic powerhouse beasts? Yes, definitely. There are some situations where a corded toy just isn't practical or discrete enough. I can wholeheartedly say that this is a toy I can stand behind as worth going out and buying.

Thank you, Babeland!

This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Wanton Wednesday: Rope Harness

2010-08-31T22:45:00.000-04:00

So, I've seen people doing Wanton Wednesday for a while now. It sounds like fun. It sounds more... decadent and artsy than HNT tends to be. And it's done by a group of people I know and love. I can dig that.

And so, for this very Wanton Wednesday, I'll share my one of my first attempts at rope play. It was too hot out to wear clothing, so of course I figured it was a good time to experiment with some basic ties. On a whim, I rigged together a dildo harness.

It was actually quite sturdy, especially given the sheer weight of the dildo attached to it. (For those curious, that is the Tantus Captain. Marvelous toy, but as of this posting it had been discontinued because it's a niche toy that doesn't sell well. More's the pity.) While I haven't tried it with full on pegging, I was still surprised that it was so sturdy.

I have more rope coming in later this week to experiment with. Depending on how frequently my boyfriend reads my blog, I may have just blown a surprise, or he may not know until I've practiced enough that I'm ready to share my rope. We shall see. ;)

Returning to Dorm Life

2010-08-27T13:41:00.000-04:00

This weekend, I move back into my college dorm. Unlike many years, this is a joyful occasion for me. I'm going back to what looks like it will be a really cool, fun semester of classes. I'm getting OUT of my family's house. I'm getting my privacy back. I'll be able to masturbate whenever I want, have sex whenever I can get my boyfriend there, have him sleep over, share showers again... all sorts of wonderful things. I get to see my friends again (those who didn't just graduate and scatter to the corners of the globe). I get to go have Indian food again! (there aren't any good places in my hometown) I get to swap stuff again, and ramp up my reviewing because I don't have to worry about my mail getting opened.

I? Am really excited about moving back to school. I'm just not looking forward to the whole packing and unpacking thing, and missing my dog. *sigh* I guess I can't have everything, now can I?

I am an Outlier

2010-08-26T13:00:00.001-04:00

I am an outlier.

I do not fit the all of the statistical norms for a 22-year-old white American middle class female.

I have had exactly one sexual partner, and exactly one romantic relationship.

Though a college student, I do not "party," nor do I enjoy being drunk.

I enjoy reading technical material.

I am differently-abled due to medical issues.

I'm a woman getting a college degree in a hard science.

I have a transgendered parent.

I am kinky, as far as the statistical average is concerned.

I am a sex toy reviewer. I receive more sex toys in a month than most women in my statistical set get in their whole lives.

I always orgasm when I have sex.

I have natural G-cup boobs on an otherwise slightly built body.

I am very smart, and dedicated to learning as much as I possibly can.

I enjoy classical music. And broccoli. And brussel sprouts.

I don't mind the feeling of sex with condoms, as long as said condom is not textured and is well lubricated.

I go to great lengths to avoid getting a tan, even though I love lying in the sun. (glory be to SPF 60!)

Someday, I will probably be the major breadwinner in my marriage.

I feel no desire to have children of my own. I do not find children or babies inherently cute. Actually, most babies are pretty strange looking, if you ask me.

Though a Christian, I do not follow traditional, accepted "Christian beliefs."

I am not a devoted member of any political party, and I rarely vote along party lines.

I have a blog; while standard in this community, in my "set" at large it is uncommon.

I am an outlier. This does not make me better or worse than any other person. It does not mean I am defective, or maladjusted, or broken. It does not make me a strange, inhuman creature. Being different makes me human. Being different makes me normal, because no one is statistically average in every aspect of their lives and selves. It takes many values to make an average, and an average is representative of the group, not the individual. We all contribute to the average in some way, and like the quantum states of electrons around a nucleus, no two of us contribute the same set of values.

I am different. I am an outlier. I am proud. I am myself, and that is all.

Sluthood

2010-08-25T02:42:00.000-04:00

There's been a heck of a lot bouncing around certain corners of the blog-o-sphere recently about sluthood. Some are talking about how wonderful it's been for them, while others are spouting fire and brimstone about how terrible it is, and how it's damaging a girl and ruining her for life. It's made me take a closer look at the way I look at the matter.

My views and feelings on sluthood are actually quite similar to my views and feelings about transgender. I understand them both at an intellectual level; I empathize with the struggles, and cheer on the successes and joys; I support those for whom this is their path (in the case of sluthood) or their identity (in the case of transgender); however, I know that I will never truly "get it" for either one on a deep level, because they are not experiences I have had. I may never know what it is like to be a person for whom sluthood is a joyful, healing, liberating state of mind, and I will never know what it is like to not be cis-gendered, just as "healthy" people don't really know what it is like to live with pain, every moment of every day.

I may not "get" on a visceral level what is appealing about sluthood, because it doesn't appeal to me outside of the realm of fantasy. But you know what? That doesn't matter. What matters is that I respect these people for knowing themselves and finding the path that's right for them right now. What matters is the acceptance, the support that we give each other.

Ain't Fair

2010-08-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

To my readers -

I went on this vacation full of enthusiasm and ideas for all the posts I would get written whilst lounging by the pool. I even worked on a review while flying down to Disney World. Then, when I arrived in our hotel, I discovered the awful, ugly truth:

Disney Hotels do not have free internet.

They do not even have cheap internet.

They do not even have slow, glitchy free wireless in the lobby.

They make you pay $10 per day for use of the internet. Per day! That adds up to $70 for a week's vacation if you want to be able to use the internet for the duration of your stay. When you've budgeted everything carefully, that's a bit of a shock. (and don't get me started on the $120 bill for a continental breakfast buffet for 4. Sheesh!)

It kills me, because every time I open my laptop, anywhere on the hotel grounds, I find at least 3 out of 5 bars of signal strength for their wireless. I could be surfing from the pool. From my room. From the waiting line at the restaurant. From the sport courts. From the jacuzzi. From the laundry room. From the roof. Anywhere!

For someone who is bona fide addicted to the internet, this has been tough. I go into withdrawal at least once a day. It's not bad enough to ruin my vacation (usually when we get back to the hotel I'm too tired to do anything but play solitaire and stare at the ceiling), but I keep thinking about all the ways we could enhance our vacation experience with a little internet access. Example: finding out which Disney World Park opens early which day takes almost half an hour of calling around or searching through pamphlets; google can tell me in under 30 seconds. Which restaurants do we really need reservations for? I can't Barista that, we have to hope the concierge will actually tell us the truth instead of the line they're supposed to give us about every restaurant having reasonable wait times before 6pm. Want something from a giftshop, but don't have the room in your bags to take it home? Check and see if you can order it from the website, and have it shipped home.

Et cetera.

Et cetera.

Et cetera.

(cue Broadway music)

Long story short, I haven't posted because I have been completely without internet. My MTF trans-parent has a tetherable Blackberry she can use to get internet on her netbook, but it's for her work only. I am surrounded by an aether of internet, but I cannot touch it.

Life just ain't fair, ya know?

Thank you sex bloggers

2010-08-13T02:00:00.001-04:00

I have a confession to make.

Almost a year ago, I created a twitter account for my reviewer persona because I'd heard that that's where the "in crowd" hung out. That's where the "cool reviewers" chatted and such. I was desperate for a community where I could be honest about loving sex and sex toys, so I timidly dipped my toes into the vast ocean that is twitter.

I expected to see a large group of cliques I'd never break into, groups I could watch from the outside and learn from. There were a handful of bloggers I'd idolized since I entered the reviewing world; I've told some of you who you are, so I won't embarrass you by saying it here.

What I found was very different. Yes, there are groups of friends and acquaintances, but it was a very welcoming atmosphere. All sorts of people welcomed me, chatted with me, offered suggestions and advice and laughed at the craziness of life with me. Suddenly, I was able to call some of those idols... friends. They weren't just brilliant reviewers whose blogs I followed, they were people, with lives and personalities and crazy experiences to share. They were people who comforted me when shit went wrong in my life. They were people who laughed at my stupid jokes. They were people who cheered me on when I started to break into the bigger world of blogging and reviewing.

My idols became my friends. That's one of the most amazing feelings in the world, realizing that you have become someone good enough for your idols to respect. These people, and you, my readers, have done wonderful things for my self-image. For once, I'm good enough. I'm worth following, worth hanging out with, worth being called a friend and equal. And for that, I am grateful. Thank you, to the sex blogging community, for welcoming me and making me feel at home.

Review: Pink Unity

2010-08-12T01:00:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, I loved a hybrid lube called Liquid Silk. It was a wonderful lube, but our affair was short-lived, for I am hideously sensitive to the parabens it contains. Ever since, I've been trying to find a lube that had the same qualities: the staying power of silicone lube without my lady bits feeling coated for days. When Fascinations offered to let me review Pink's new hybrid lube Pink Unity, I was definitely interested.
Let me get this out there right out front. Pink Unity is a nice lube. It's not great, it's not amazing, it's not a game-changer, but it's nice. It's thicker than your average water-based lube. It's got decent cushioning - it should, since it's one of the thickest water-based lubes I've tried. It's got passable staying power compared to other water-based lubes. It's far better than going lube-less if you need the extra lubrication. Unfortunately, it's far from the fantastic product I was expecting after all the hype I've heard surrounding Pink's label.

The packaging is nice. The bottle is pretty, sturdy, and practical, though it's not something you could just leave on your dresser. The pump locks in two ways: turn it 90 degrees clockwise, and mine could not be pumped. A little plastic sleeve also fit over the pump and neck, preventing the pump from being pressed. With both these in place, I never had an issue with spilling in a bag.

Perhaps I was expecting too much from Pink Unity. It's one of the only hybrid lubes I've seen that doesn't contain glycerin or parabens (known irritants). From the feel of the lubricant, the silicones are present in a much smaller proportion than the water and propylene glycol (a common, ridiculously safe lube and food thickener). Silicones have a very recognizable feel to them when rubbed between fingers - they are basically undetectable in this lube until the rest of the lube evaporates. They give you a bit of extra slick time after the lube goes dry, but not much. It just sticks around and feels funky until you scrub it off.

Pink Unity worked passably well for ye olde quicky penis-in-vagina sex and dildo play, but wasn't enough for extended sessions or anal. It lasted a few minutes longer in the shower than water-based lubes, but it was no marathon runner.

In the end, it all comes down to purpose. Hybrid lubes are supposed to combine the best of both worlds, and be an improvement on both. They are supposed to be lubes you can use for anything. Unfortunately, Pink Unity isn't any better than a "pure" lube. Its staying power isn't all that much better than water-based lubes. Its ability to mimic a natural feel (and ease of clean-up) isn't much better than silicone lubes. While it's a nice lube, there are much better options out there for better prices, even if you have to avoid parabens and glycerin.

Ingredients: propylene glycol, water, cyclopentasiloxane, butylene glycol, dimethicone/vinyl dimethicone crosspolymer, hydroxyethyl acrylate/sodium acryloyldimethyl taurate copolymer

This product was provided to me free of charge by Fascinations in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Orgasmic Issues

2010-08-07T16:00:00.000-04:00

Something is wrong.

Usually, it's quite easy for me to come. Getting turned on is hard, but once I'm going I can usually have a rip-raorin' clitoral orgasm without much trouble. Heck, I could orgasm on command if I had some modest clit stimulation going on. I'd perfected the art of the 2-minute shower orgasm.

Something has been different for the past few months. Sometimes, pressing a vibrator to my crotch has been like pressing it against my stomach: not at all sexually stimulating, but not a turn-off or relaxing massage, either. The vibrator was just... there. Same with the fingers. Ooh, yay, it's like I'm kneading my elbow. I could poke my clit directly, and while it wasn't numb, I could feel my finger, there wasn't a single twinge of pleasure.

I figured, maybe I need more stimulation than I used to. So, I reached for a more powerful toy. I pulled out my Wahl and FairyMini (on a very low setting, through fabric... that thing is strong!). They had been my go-to toys when I wanted a fast, effortless, no-fuss-no-frills orgasm. I could lightly hold them against my clit, and in less than five minutes I'd have blasted through at least one or two orgasms.

Imagine my shock when not only did it take me half an hour to come with my Wahl, but the orgasm was definitely unsatisfying. It was the kind of wimpy orgasms I usually have to coax out of cheap, weak, or poorly made vibrators I try to review.

The weeks progress. I essentially stop masturbating more than one attempt a week, for reviewing. It's not satisfying even if I manage to wring an orgasm out of it, and it's a hell of a lot of work either way for something that should be a de-stressing tool. I figure, if nothing else, a break from regular masturbating should bring back my sensitivity, right?

Last week, I convinced myself to try to get started again. I needed all the help relieving stress I could get.

I bruised my crotch pretty badly, applying pressure to try to get enough stimulation to orgasm. I almost broke one of my Wahl attachments, but I managed to orgasm. And the next day I could barely stand discomfort of my jeans seam rubbing against the bruise. I tried again a few days later, trying to be careful not to apply so much pressure. I ended up having to throw caution to the wind to get a single orgasm out of the mess. Getting desperate, I reached for the Pure Wand, the only toy that can make me orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

It hurt.

It found my g-spot, it cuddled up for some lovin, and it hurt.

As long as I'm careful (which I was), the Pure Wand never hurts, to me. This time, though, my vagina basically told it to fuck off.

Finally, in a bit of a Hail Mary pass, I turned the FairyMini all the way up, and applied atomic-missile-grade-vibration to clit. I orgasmed, but got no post-orgasmic bliss. Nothing aside for the usual panting from exertion.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like my sexuality is broken. I can get all hot and bothered by porn or erotica, but I can't do anything about it. I don't want to have sex, but if I manage to get going I can enjoy it... for a few minutes.

Something is wrong, and I don't know how to fix it.

A Dream

2010-08-06T16:36:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had a dream so wonderful that it made your soul ache when you woke up? So real you would have sworn you were awake? Of a believable life with just as many flaws as the current life, but you didn't care because all the right things were wonderful? A dream that made you truly want to say "fuck the world, I really never want to wake up"? A dream that you can never have, but would seriously consider abandoning all other dreams for? A dream that flays your soul with longing every time you stir the memory?

This dream is going to haunt me for a long, long time.

Medical Issues Interfere With Sex Life

2010-08-04T17:36:00.000-04:00

Breaking News: Medical Issues Interfere With Sex Life

Yet again, a problem of medical origin is standing between me and sex. Between me and hot, crazy, wild, possibly kinky, definitely life- and love-affirming sex. For once, my joints are under control. For once, my back has decided to shut the hell up for a while. My birthcontrol isn't mucking with my hormones. My pain meds aren't fucking with my brain. I don't even have bronchitis, which is a shock in and of itself. So what on earth is standing between me and HAWT SECKS?

Strep throat.

Seriously.

Think about that for a moment.

Somehow, in August, I've managed to find the one lonely strain of Strep Throat that's still wandering around this neck of the woods, and catch it.

It doesn't even seem to be very contagious. I was making out with my boyfriend hours before I started showing symptoms, and he hasn't caught it. I shared a waterbottle with my sister and mom that day, and they didn't catch it. I hugged half a dozen people at rehearsal that day, AND NONE OF THEM CAUGHT IT. Seriously, what the heck? Did I conjure this thing out of some alternate dimension into my throat? Did I somehow pick up a non-contagious version of this bug? (Then how did I catch it? Random superpower?)

Oh, and it gave me an ear infection. Perfect conditions for sexin' it up, right?

So for the next few days, it will just be me, some erotica and porn, and a pile of sterilizable sex toys. Get your sexy steel self over here, Pure Wand...

Pleasurists #88

2010-07-28T23:47:00.000-04:00

Washed Up by bubs84
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #87? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #89? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday July 18th at 11:59pm PDT.
Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Kinky Bondage Gear Giveaway! Deadline: July 29th.
BonBon Vibe Contest Deadline: July 31st.
Fairy Pocket Mini Giveaway Deadline: August 1st.
Ask Amanda Anything! Deadline: August 1st.
Grab Yourself a Party Favor! Deadline: August 2nd @ 11am Central.
Special giveaway – Tenga Egg Deadline: August 8th.
Birthday Celebration Contest Deadline: August 14th.
Add Some Sizzle to Your Summer Win an Ophoria Combo Pleasure Pack Deadline: August 31st.

Editor
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?
e[lust] #17

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Racing Heart Ele by Jessie Beth
BonBon by buzzvibe
BonBon by Sammi
Sex A Peel by Red Vinyl Kitty
LELO Nea by Jessie Beth
Ophoria Bliss 2 by Jonsbabydoll
Tuyo by Jessie Beth
Vibratex Rabbit Habit by Rayne
Emotional Bliss Femblossom & Womolia Heat by Payton
Evolved Fleur de Lis Delight by Vanilla Kinks
Monica Mayhem’s Butterfly Buddy by buzzvibe
Lil Teaser Pixie by Jessie Beth
Lia Magic Wand by Rayne
SaSi by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
Lil Teaser Dotty by Mistress Kay
Love Lips by Elodie
Love Lips by Sleeping in the Wet Spot
Fun Factory Laya Spot by Sammi
Evolved Short & Sweet Spice by Missy

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Tenga Egg by Femenina Deliciosa

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Storage

Sex Furniture

Lingerie

Lacey Bra & Thong Set by Sea of Neptune

Miscellaneous

Transwomen are Real Women

2010-07-26T14:36:00.000-04:00

After reading a very painful passage in a book this morning that completely invalidated transwomen, I think I need to make something perfectly clear.

Transwomen are women. They are "real" women. They are not men who want to be women. They are not men who "think" they are women. They are not even men who identify as women. They are not delusional or liars about their womanhood. They are not frauds, or freaks, or fakes, or trying to destroy the feminist movement.

Transwomen are not "really men." They are women. Regardless of what genitalia are currently between their legs, they are women. A pre-transition transwoman is just as much a gal as I am, or as a post-transition woman is. The fact that they were born with a penis and a prostate instead of a vagina and a uterus doesn't make them less of a woman. More than once, when confronted, cis-women have told me that a transwoman can't be a "real" woman because, you know, she doesn't have a uterus or anything! She can't have kids, never could never will!

To that I have to cry bullshit. Lack of a uterus or inability to have children does not remove someone's womanhood. A childhood friend of mine had to have a hysterectomy at age 6 because of a rare cancer. She has no uterus, and is completely infertile. She can't have kids, never could never will. Does that make her something less than a woman? She sure as salt isn't a man, or a boi, or a grrl, or genderqueer. She's a woman, an ordinary cis-woman, but the rational that invalidates my trans-parent's womanhood would remove this girl's as well.

Please, think before you completely invalidate someone else's gender. Remember that, in our culture, we constantly and incorrectly use gender and biological sex terms interchangeably. A "male" is generally accepted to be a human with masculine secondary sexual characteristics, a penis, and usually XY chromosomes. That is biological sex, which can be greatly altered through surgery and hormone therapy. "Woman" refers to gender identity, which does not always match up with biological sex.

That's part of why it's called "transgender": because the gender does not match up with the biological sex. Transitioning refers to the process of fixing the sex part of the equation, because the research has shown that gender can't be changed. One of the most important things to remember is that the person's gender always trumps the biological markers. If a transperson tells you she's a woman, but she has a penis, she is a woman. A little voice in the back of your head may quip: "Oh, ok, she's a dude!" No. Reach back and correct the voice. She is a chick. She may have a dick, but she's still a chick. Respect that, even if it's not your cup of tea. You don't have to want to fuck a transgendered person to respect their gender. Respect that, and you'll earn the gratitude of a terribly marginalized community.

Review: Best Women's Erotica 2010

2010-07-25T22:03:00.000-04:00

I'll admit it: I love erotica. Absolutely, completely adore it. I could honestly give up porn forever if you promised me an endless supply of the kinds of erotica I love best. It's my guilty pleasure, and has been for years, even before I really understood why I liked it.

The problem is, I'm endlessly picky about my erotica. It has to be very well-written - nothing turns me off like poor grammar and incomprehensible spelling or chat-speak. I'm talking stuff that's just about literary quality, not something dashed off in a few minutes. I rarely find the quality of erotica I want. Then Babeland stepped in and offered me Violet Blue's Best Women's Erotica 2010 anthology.
This is easily my favorite of all the erotica anthologies I've ever read. The writing is superb. The stories are, without exception, smoking hot. Hands-in-the-panties after a few pages hot. Sexy and fresh enough that I've actually gone back and re-read my favorites over and over, which I almost never do with erotica. Violet Blue picked some real winners for this year's edition.

There are a wide variety of stories, all of them steamy, from a woman getting an orgasmic shoeshine in the middle of a crowded station, to being paid to transcribe sexy interludes, to voyeurism and a sexy little story on crossdressing. Personally, my favorite is a MMF threesome in a dojo called "Fuck the Fantasy." While none of the can be described as hardcore, many dip their toes into various fetishes and kinks. As long as you're not looking for anything really hardcore, there's something in here for everyone.

This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Review: Heart 2 Heart cuffs

2010-07-25T21:25:00.001-04:00

I'm generally underwhelmed by mass produced bondage gear. They're usually made of cheap, poor quality materials, with shoddy workmanship. If they're made for any use beyond merely decorative, they're often uncomfortable after ten seconds because they pinch or chafe or, toy gods forbid, break during use. They're mostly ugly or tacky; most of the ones that actually look really nice aren't up to even moderately hard play.

The Heart 2 Heart cuffs offered by Babeland break that mold in many ways. To start with, they're actually made of leather. Real, honest to goodness leather. Mind you, it's not the kind of soft, luscious, just-smells-right leather that drives some of us nuts, but even average leather is better than the imitations so often foisted off on the unwary. After the initial break-in period they became quite supple, conforming to both my bony little wrists and to his much larger, more generously padded wrists.

Speaking of my wrists, this cuff set had a pleasant surprise for me. Like many cuffs, it advertises that it adjusts down to 6 inches. This is actually incorrect. Yes, it is six inches from the toggle to the smallest hole, measured flat along the back, but that has to wrap around the underlying band. When adjusted to fit my 5.5 inch wrists, there were still two adjustment holes to go. Unfortunately, this means that the measurements are off in the other direction as well. It will only fit up to an 8 inch wrist or ankle. While I like having cuffs that actually fit my wrists, they should have checked the in-use measurements of a prototype before putting this into production. That last small hole makes the cuff a perfect fit for a 4 inch wrist (that's about the size of a bottle of nail polish). I've never seen a wrist that small on anyone over age five; they would have been better off adding that hole to the other end for larger wristed and ankled users. For those who need it larger, a leather punch will add holes for you easily as there is an extra 2 inches of leather to work with in the adjustment strap. For many users, though, a range of 4"-8" will be just fine for wrist cuffs.

The cuffs are well made, with machine-perfect edges and stitching. Each piece is made of two layers of leather, glued and stitched together. Because nothing was said otherwise on the package, I assume the metal contains nickel. It seems to have some kind of coating over the alloy, so those with sensitive skin may be ok. Because these are made of leather, clean them with a damp cloth and dry them gently; store them in a dry place.

The Heart 2 Heart cuffs are very sturdy. None of our rough playing or my rougher tests has caused even the smallest of noticeable damage. So far they show no signs of wear - they're actually getting better with use. While not as comfortable as, say, my bullhide cuffs, not much can stand up to such comparison. In the end, I've had no complaints for these cuffs. And for only $35, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend them!

This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

This is a summer break?

2010-07-22T01:01:00.000-04:00

I have not had sex in almost three weeks. Though we're less than three miles apart, I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost a week (though not for lack of trying). I'm spending about 6 hours a day studying for the MCAT. I'm working out an hour to an hour and a half a day trying to get this weight off (because my body decided that 1400 calories a day wasn't enough of a cut back to drop a single pound). I'm sewing costumes for our theater production 3-4 hours a night to meet the deadlines of Directorzilla. And I'm cooking meals, cleaning the house, dealing with the dog, keeping my little sister on track, making sure my MTF parent gets off the conference calls with enough time to hit all those doctors appointments...

Somewhere in here I'm supposed to be resting and recovering from severe burnout this summer. Somewhere in here I'm supposed to be meditating for at least 15-20 minutes a day. Somewhere in here I need to find time to masturbate, or I'm going to go flipping insane!

Thank goodness for my boyfriend. Tomorrow is date night. He's taking me out for Thai, then we're going to go to his place to watch a movie and chill out. (because why go to a movie theater when he's got a nice TV and Netflix through his PS3? Given cash flow, saving money rocks. Besides, groping in a movie theater is generally frowned upon)

I promise myself...
I will try to make sure I get my workouts, because I always feel better after
I will try to make sure I get enough sleep, so the doc doesn't yell at me
I will try to make sure I make time to meditate, because it reduces my stress level and helps my acid reflux.
I will try to make time for masturbation more than once a week. Once a day would be nice, but we'll start with baby steps.
I will try not to throw a pile of fabric and pins at the director's head, even if he changes his mind about what he wants after I've cut it YET AGAIN. I won't even throw scissors.
I will make time for my boyfriend. Just because there simply aren't enough hours in a day to get everything done, doesn't mean that I should neglect our relationship. We both deserve better than that.

Family Wedding and such

2010-07-01T15:00:00.000-04:00

You'd think that now that the semester's over, I'd have a little free time. You'd think that in the summer I decided to take time off for my health, I'd have a little time to rest. Seriously! I'm starting to wonder if I just don't know how to not be busy. Frankly, having absolutely nothing I had to do would probably drive me completely insane within a few weeks.

Two and a half weeks ago, I shlepped out to a gorgeous piece of the middle of nowhere to help prepare for my cousin's wedding. I designed and organized the decorating of the church and reception hall, and helped them get stuff finished. (by this point, the bride and her mother were going nuts, as is the usual state of affairs right before a wedding) My wonderful boyfriend had volunteered to come along and help, so I had an extra strong back to carry things and set things up and move things around. Aren't guys wonderful to have around?

The wedding was wonderful. Everything went off perfectly, the weather was great, and the groom and father of the bride were crying as my cousin came down the aisle. I'll admit, I was crying, too. She and I had always been close. She was born only a few months before me, and until my sister was born almost a decade later, we were each other's only girl cousin. The wedding also drove home that we really were growing up, and that my wedding would probably be the next one in our part of the family.

You can learn a lot about a boyfriend by bringing him to a family wedding. Mine never looked uncomfortable, never tried to escape to run off and get drunk, never changed the subject when people nudged the wedding conversations our way, or did any of the things you'd expect a commitment-shy guy to do. He even sometimes started talking about specifics for our wedding someday, without any prompting. (We'll probably be having the no ice cream cakes argument right up until the moment I order our non-frozen wedding cake!) This is a long, long way from the guy who was so terribly commitment-shy in the beginning that he was afraid to even say "I love you."

I also learned a bit about myself. The week before the wedding, we were staying at my grandparents' house. There weren't enough rooms for my parents, my sister, my boyfriend, and me, so my boyfriend slept on the couch. He got to keep his suitcase in the room my sister and I shared, and he shared my closet. While I always have gotten a strong OCD twitch when I see his stuff strewn across my floor, making a mess and making it impossible for me to find my stuff easily, the closet was different. It was orderly, for one thing, but that wasn't what really got me. Clothes scattered around a suitcase taking up half my floor has a vibe of "I'm just here visiting." Seeing his clothes and mine lined up together in the same closet? I got this big, warm fuzzy feeling of permanence. I liked it. A lot.

There is one thing I need to figure out, though. Every time my boyfriend come with us to visit my family in the lovely mountains in the middle of nowhere, he acts differently. A good kind of differently. He's sweeter, gentler, more forgiving, less touchy, more understanding, more romantic... he's different. I'm not sure if it's because he's less stressed out because we're away from his family/friends/work stress, or if he's less stressed because we're out in the country or something. I'm not sure if he's just on his best behavior because so many of my family are around. I'm not sure if he's trying to butter me up into one of our rare, late-night sneak-some-nookie-without-the-grandparents-hearing escapades.

So that's what's been percolating in the back of my head for the past two weeks while I ran around shadowing doctors at a hospital here in the mountains of the middle of nowhere. That, and the MCATs I'm preparing for. Jeepers, those study books are huge.

Of Beauty and Blogging

2010-06-25T16:16:00.000-04:00

Recently, my friend Rockin' over at the Light Switch decided to give me the Beautiful Blogger award. It really touched me that I was one of the ones she thought of when she received it herself.

The rules of the Beautiful Blogger award are simple. Those who receive one shall pass it on to three other bloggers they think are beautiful in some way, and then share seven things about themselves that their readers may not know.

I'd like to pass this award on to three bloggers I think are beautiful:
Backseat Boohoo at E.D.I.D.A.S.
Red at RedSneakerDiaries
Epiphora at HeyEpiphora

And now, seven things that you, my readers, may not have known about me:
1. I've owned Samoyeds all my life. (Samoyeds are a kind of sled dog with pure white fur and smiling faces)
2. I once helped Hackintosh a Dell Mini netbook.
3. I'm terribly body-shy. Those HNTs I sometimes post? They usually take me an hour or a day to get up the courage to post. It was almost six months after we started having sex before I finally let my boyfriend leave the light on when we had sex.
4. I'm a second-level Reiki student. I began learning it to help manage my back and joint pain with less medications. It may be real, it may be the placebo affect, but honestly? I don't much care which it is, because the end result is far less pain without the awful meds they'd had me on.
5. I was a mime.
6. I dual-booted Ubuntu and XP on my netbook for a while, just for kicks and giggles. Even though no Ubuntu drivers existed for my model of netbook. (pfft. This is linux. Ve hef vays to make it vork. Evin laugh.)
7. I'm a total theater geek in my spare time.

Review: Ophoria Bliss #8

2010-06-24T21:00:00.002-04:00

The Ophoria Bliss #8, sent to me by Fascinations, is a very well-made vibrator. At this price range, I was actually quite surprised by how well designed it is. The little things that make using and caring for a toy so much nicer are there, showing an attention to detail often overlooked in higher-priced designer brands.

It feels substantial, but it's not heavy enough that it will cause wrist strain in use. The cap and controls are sturdy and practical. The push-button is recessed but slightly textured, making it easy to find and use even when slick with lube, but it doesn't in the way and changing the settings when you least expect. The cap requires a little force to open and close, but is very easy to maneuver. The cap threads onto the body without the usual jiggling and rocking usually required to get a screw cap on straight, and it screws down smoothly and tightly. Between the tight cap and the rubber ring, it's definitely splashproof.

The rest of the toy is just as well built. The vibrations are deep, thrumming vibrations that seem to reverberate deep in your pelvis. They aren't the strongest vibrations in the world, but I found them great for longer, slower sessions; unlike many more moderately powered vibes, this one actually got me there, and well.

What really got me about this well-built toy, though, was the texture. Covered in rings that loop around like a fast game of ring-toss, it has a lot of texture. Those aren't sleek swirls, they are very pronounced ridges molded into the body of the toy. That body is a very dense, rather hard, slick silicone. They make an already slightly girthy toy feel ginormous, and they are intense. This is definitely a vibrator best suited for the texture fiends among us.

While it's designed to be a spin on the traditional insertable vibe, the Bliss #8 did quite well used as a clitoral toy. The vibrations at the tip aren't overly strong, and the slick silicone doesn't offer much of the friction I so often crave, but those ridges? They give a lot of stimulation.

The Bliss #8 is a very well-made toy. The designers have been listening: it takes into account many of the things we reviewers have been griping about for a long time. It's easy to open and close and load with batteries. The controls are easy to use, but don't get in the way. It's easy to use one-handed. It's pure silicone, making it easy to clean and sanitize. The motor provides a deep, yet quiet stimulation. The texture is intense, but not so funky that it's impossible to clean. Overall, it's a very solid toy at a quite reasonable price that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend to any of my texture-fiend friends. The one question that remains is this: do you like texture? Lots and lots of intense texture? Because that is what the Bliss #8 delivers in spades.

This product was provided to me free of charge by Fascinations iin exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Epiphora's Woodgasm Giveaway

2010-06-10T17:26:00.000-04:00

Epiphora holding an awesome contest to give away a beautiful Nobessence toy to a very lucky winner! How can you get in on the action, you ask? See below, the instructions straight from her giveaway entry. If you're super-curious, head over to her blog, Hey Epiphora!

The winner of this giveaway will get to choose whichever NobEssence toy they want from SheVibe — butt plug, dildo, cock ring, kegel exerciser, whichever they most desire. And this giveaway is open to my international readers!* Beautiful, yes?
Twitter trivia parties!
The most exciting way to enter this giveaway will be to attend one or both of the two Twitter parties I’ll be holding. YEAH, I’M GOING THERE. Com’n, it’ll be fun! We’ll use the hashtag #woodgasm, chat about sex toys, and each participant will earn an entry into the giveaway just for participating. I’ll also be asking trivia questions, and party-goers who are quickest to correctly answer these questions will get extra entries.
Party #1: Saturday, June 12th, 2010, 3 p.m. — 4 p.m. PST. (what time for you?)
Party #2: Wednesday, June 16th, 2010, 6 p.m. — 7 p.m. PST. (what time for you?)
Be sure to follow me on Twitter beforehand! Also, in preparation for the trivia questions, here are some study materials:
SheVibe’s NobEssence page
NobEssence’s website (poke around)
The Wikipedia article for “dildo”
Other ways to enter
Oh yes, there are always more…
5 entries: Write a blog post about this giveaway. Use my graphic, just host it yourself. Be sure to mention the Twitter parties!
3 entries: Comment on this post telling me which NobEssence piece you want the most and why.
3 entries: Subscribe to my RSS feed or subscribe via email.
Deadline: June 20th, 2010 at 11:59 p.m. PST.
* Fine print: This giveaway is open to everyone everywhere, but if you live outside the U.S., you will need to pay any customs taxes or tariffs levied by your country. Winner will be selected randomly from a list of entries.

Wishlist Wednesday: Elvis

2010-06-10T12:33:00.001-04:00

(I know it's no longer Wednesday. Play along, I saw the Elvis on Wednesday...)

I recently realized that somehow I've reached the point where I've tried enough toys that I rarely ever lust over a toy anymore. Mostly I just think "Huh. That looks interesting. But it probably won't get me off any better than what I already have, nor does it have better functions/materials/rechargeability/whatever. But it does look kinda cool. Can has?" Usually, it takes something I've never, ever tried before to really get me curious and lusting, since I have a serious thing for novelty. Wooden dildos? Perhaps hand carved? Steel butt plugs? Real electrosex toys? Wartenberg wheels? Crops? Elk floggers? Liquid latex? Those get me seriously lusting, simply because I've never gotten to play with them. I almost never list over a new vibrator, or a new dildo (or dong, if they INSIST on calling it that), or a new lube, or a new rabbit style toy. I guess I'm either jaded, or I've found toys that fill those niches for me nearly perfectly.

Thus, I was shocked and amazed when a new toy offering set my heart (and pussy) a-flutter. They're not new, but I'd somehow never seen them until SheVibe picked them up. I saw them, and a stab of lustful must have shot through me. What are they? Dildos by Vamp Silicone. These things are seriously wonderful looking. The red silicone is just gorgeous. And the designs look fantastic. Seriously, I'm lusting like hell after the Elvis softskin like nobody's business. I have this funny feeling that I'd be petting the soft silicone for an hour or two, then wandering around the house wearing it in my Joque harness all day. Then pegging the boyfriend. Then re-condoming up so I can give it a test drive. Suddenly I need to know if those "soft" balls really swing, because balls that feel realistic would rock so hardcore.

I do worry a bit about the thickness of the base - it looks like it might be a little too thin to be stable in a harness. But honestly, the cock part is everything I adore in a dildo: very slightly pronounced head, slightly curved, 1.5" shaft, otherwise almost completely smooth. A dildo I can really go to town with, without worrying if I'm going to end up sore and abraded from too much texture for fast thrusting. It looks perfect. Now I just have to dig through my budget and see if I can come up with enough to afford it...

Pleasurists #81

2010-06-08T17:23:00.002-04:00

Sugarlight via ModelMayhem
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #80? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #82? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday June 13th at 11:59pm PDT.
Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Contest: Blue Swirl Real Tip Glass Dildo Deadline: June 10th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
Summer Splash Giveaway! Deadline: June 12th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
Who’s Your Daddy Fathers Day Giveaway! Deadline: June 19th.
Giveaway: Woodgasm Deadline: June 20th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Win Ophoria K-Balls Deadline: June 30th.
Win An Amazing Hot Heart Massager Deadline: June 30th.
June’s Sexy Contest: Explore Your Fantasies with KinkAcademy & Dr. Ruthie Deadline: June 30th.
Celebrate True’s 3 Years of Wedded Bliss and Get WET! Deadline: June 30th @ 11am Central.

Editor’s Pick

Wahl of Orgasms by Quizzical Pussy

People come up to me all the time and say, “Quizzical Pussy, I was so entirely sorry to learn of the demise of your Jack Rabbit.”At this point I always give my little funereal grimace/smile that I practiced when all my grandparents were dying off; I nod gravely. “Thank you for being here. It means so much to the family.”

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #14
On to the reviews…
Vibrators

Le Reve by Mistress Kay
Solar Bullet by Sammi
Super7 G-Pulse by Toys in Love
RO120mm by Darling Dove
Desire by Sammi
Wahl by Quizzical Pussy
Ophoria Beyond No 1 by Pretty Power Tools
Lia Magic Wand by Sarahbear
Vida Vanta by Juliettia
Hello Kitty Pocket Rocket by Sea of Neptune
Pirates Pendant by Missy
Turbo Glider by Epiphora
Fun Factory Spring by Dr. Ruthie
Sweet Dreams Desire by Pretty Power Tools

Dildos

Anal Toys

Nexus O & O Max by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
Nexus O by Toys in Love
Evolved Talon by Cooper
Tantus Infinity by Sammi

Toys for Cocks

Sex In a Can – Spread Eagle by Dr. Ruthie

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies & Porn

Sex Furnitre

Miscellaneous

On College Tuition Hikes

2010-06-06T14:00:00.003-04:00

I want to voice a few thoughts on college tuition, both as a current undergraduate student and as the child of a college professor. Recently, there have been huge, almost crippling cuts to the funding of my university. Rather logically, the university is considering turning to tuition to bridge the gap, so that they can cut as few programs and opportunities for the students as possible. There has been an uproar from portions of the student body over the proposed tuition hikes. They point to bloated sports programs and administrative salaries as problems that should be slashed to meet the deficit. What they fail to realize is that, at least in the case of our specific university, cutting these would only be a drop in the bucket compared to the shortfall. Huge cuts across the board and/or tuition hikes are some of the only options truly feasible at this point, to truly bridge the growing gap in funding.

One of the first places that the money will come from is the professors' pockets. Already a horribly underpaid profession, they stand to be hurt even farther. Ever heard of the parable of the cobbler whose children went barefoot? My mother is a professor at a certain private university. If my father didn't happen to be in a very lucrative position in his highly specialized field, if he had followed his dream of becoming a professor, there is no way I could have afforded to go to my current undergraduate university without a huge burden of debt... and I go to what is considered a (comparably) very affordable public university

I know that tuition hikes will hurt many people. I am among those who stand to be hurt, and hurt badly by tuition hikes at my college. I'm not saying "damn low tuition, screw those who can't afford it!" because I'm among those who would be hurt by this change. I'm just saying that, given the horrible financial situation that has very suddenly been dumped on our university by an awful governor (hey, I didn't vote for him) who thinks a good educational system is a waste of state money, there aren't many choices. I am unfortunately too aware of the other side of the story to join the hordes of idealists mobbing the doors of the administrative buildings, threatening violence if the proposed tuition hikes go through. I agree that the money should come from elsewhere first (hello, bloated sports and top-heavy administrative systems), but I can't ignore the facts. Too much state funding was ripped out from under us to make up for by paring sports or cutting superfluous administrators. They are going to have to raise our tuition costs.

Personally, I'd prefer, say, a 10% increase in tuition next year over not being able to complete my major because so many classes and sections were cut. I have friends who got slammed with that last time our state funding dropped. It took them an extra year to finish their degrees, which is a heck of a lot more than the cost of the tuition hike.

Let's Talk Religion

2010-06-05T01:00:00.000-04:00

No, really. Let's talk religion.

Run away if you want, I promise not to be offended. I also promise that this isn't about me trying to convert or un-convert people, or about getting up on my high horse, or preaching at you all. This is about me talking about how I fit into the jigsaw of our world. This is about me exploring, in words, how I feel about something that means a lot to me. It has little or nothing to do with sex, sexuality, or sex toys, so if that's what you're here for, try one of my other posts. The few who are still interested, follow me down the rabbit hole - I mean, follow me past the jump.

I've never been very comfortable with organized religion. I never thought it was wrong, or bad - it just wasn't for me. It didn't feel right. It didn't fit, for lack of a better term. And because my family was part of a church, to which I was brought every week, I got it drummed into my head that good people want to go to church, that if you're a good little girl and really love God, that you'll want to do everything possible to get closer to Him. Which, of course, included coming to church, and liking it.

I could read between the lines. I heard what they didn't say. Good people love church. Therefore, if you really, really feel uncomfortable during church, if you disliked church services no matter how hard you tried, you must be bad. You must be evil. Somewhere, deep down, you really rejected God.

That has always been deeply at odds with how I experienced my life. When no one was around, I would sometimes go sit in the sanctuary and listen to the silence. Oh, not in some mystical way. I wasn't listening for voices of angels or anything. It was just a beautiful space, and when no one was there it felt so peaceful, so safe. I could finally get away from the crowds of people that seemed so tightly crowded it was almost like they were inside my head.

(No, I'm not a big fan of large, noisy crowds. How could you tell...?)

I've always had a pretty good relationship with whatever is out there/up there/in here, or however you choose to put it. I've always talked to it; I may never have heard a voice answering back, but... hell, I'll admit it, I think I may have gotten guidance other ways a few times. Whatever name you choose to give it, I've talked to that benevolent higher power, or rather at it. And I've loved it and looked to it for protection and guidance when I wasn't going to get it anywhere else.

For a long time, I tried to be a good little Christian girl. I called it the Trinity, read the bible, and feared Satan. I'm too much of a scientist, though. I ask too many questions, and there are certain questions you just can't ask without getting thrown out of Sunday School. All were asked in innocent curiosity, but there were some things you just weren't supposed to question.

I can't quite remember when it happened, but eventually I decided that I couldn't be part of a religious denomination that demanded I set aside the divine's greatest gift to me - my mind. If it was given to me, and wasn't just the luck of the genetic draw, then I was meant to use it, not lock it away. And that's what the people of our corner of religion were trying to tell me to do.

Ever since, in the safety of my own mind I've referred to myself as more "spiritual" than "religious" because I just don't seem to mesh well with any one religion. If I feel the need for a ritualized worship like those I grew up with, I'm just as likely to take elements from other religions as the one I was raised to, if they touch me and make sense to me.

My Wiccan friends tell me that among them, I would be called a Solitary. I guess it's as good a term as any. I prefer to worship alone. A relationship to... whatever you choose to call that higher power is a deeply personal, intimate thing to me. It just feels wrong worshiping in a group. It feels... not dirty, not degrading, and I'm not even sure if sacrilegious is the right word, but... well, I would feel the same way if I were to get up in front of the congregation, strip naked, and masturbate in front of them. Neither masturbation nor worship is shameful, but they are very personal, intimate experiences that I am not, in any way, comfortable with sharing with the world that way.

As outgoing as I often seem, I'm a rather private person. I'm not really at home in crowds or in gossip. And even if I'll stay up all night with sharing our deepest secrets, I'm probably not going to masturbate in front of you, or really let myself go in worship in front of you. Ever.

Review: Rose G-Spotter

2010-06-03T15:22:00.000-04:00

I love glass. I adore firm, compact, pinpoint g-spot lovin'. When I saw the Rose G-Spotter over at Babeland, I knew I had to have it.

The Rose G-spotter is a lovely dildo. I'm not always picky about beauty in my sex toys, but with glass dildos it's virtually a requirement. The glass is a pretty shade of rosey pink, significantly brighter than it shows up in photos. When I first got it, I spent quite a while just turning it over in my hands, watching it catch the light. It was captivating.

It was all the turning it over in my hands that really drove home the size, though. This is a very small dildo. If you're looking for girth or length, or even just an average sized toy, this isn't it. However, if you're looking for a toy that lets you easily put loads of pinpoint pressure on your g-spot, this dildo is just the right shape. The curved end is actually very similar to the smaller side of the renowned Njoy Pure Wand, though slightly more pointy. The other end left me a little confused. It's too short for much more than very shallow vaginal penetration, though the stacked bubbles are very stimulating. It isn't really safe for anal use, because there is no flange and the curved end just isn't a secure enough handle. It can be used for clitoral and labia play. Honestly, though I found it was just a really comfortable, secure handle.

Because the curved end is so slim and smooth, it needs very little lube to get things going. A small dollop of water or silicone based lube was all I needed to get started. I was able to very quickly hone in on my g-spot and start going to town... and that's when I hit the one snag this toy has for me. I love the firm stimulation it gives, but for me, it's just too pointy. If I push hard enough to get the pressure I want, the point hurts my vaginal walls. If I ease back so it stops hurting, I'm not having enough fun to keep from getting bored. As lovely as this is, it doesn't work very well for me; I'll stick to my Pure Wand.

If the pointed head doesn't bother you, this is a fantastic toy. I never missed the girth with this one, because it let me zero in on exactly the spots I wanted to play with. The curve and handle made it easy to use without straining my wrists. Except for the grooves in the handle end, it's incredibly easy to clean by any method, even if you just want to grab a toy wipe and wipe it down. As long as you don't mind it taking up a bunch of space, storage is provided: the Rose G-Spotter comes with a big, poofy, heavily padded velvet drawstring bag to store it in. I could probably drop it onto a tile floor in that bag, and the dildo would never notice.

This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Review: Underbed Restraint System

2010-06-03T02:12:00.002-04:00

My boyfriend and I like to occasionally dabble in bondage and impact play. Unfortunately, as far as bondage goes, when your only options are linking cuffs together you're more than a little limited. We had no convenient bedposts, no spreader bars, no tethers. We'd been looking into various under-the-bed sets when Vibrator.com , purveyor of sex toys of a zillion varieties, offered to let us review the Under the Bed Restraint System.

The Underbed Restraint Set (also sold as the Manbound Underbed Restraint Gear) is a great idea, executed simply and effectively. This set of restraints consists of two main parts, the strap set-up and the cuffs. The strap set-up is simple, with five nylon webbing straps that are placed between the mattress and box springs (or simply placed under the mattress if that is what's available). One non-adjustable strap runs down the length of the bed, from head to foot. To the top and bottom of this strap are attached four more straps, two at the top for the arms, two at the bottom for the legs. These straps can be moved to either come out the sides of the mattress for a more traditional spread-eagle configuration, or out the top and bottom of the mattress or any combination thereof for more creative positions. Each of the four attachment straps can be adjusted with a slide similar to those found on backpacks. They are fast and easy to adjust, but secure once in place. The cuffs attach to the straps with small snap hooks.

The cuffs themselves were surprisingly comfortable. A bit utilitarian in looks, but comfortable. (And I? Am a tad obsessed with everything being comfortable) They are soft, and while not as thickly padded as other cuffs we've tried, they were quite comfortable. They fasten with long, wide velcro strips. While not as secure as the standard buckle closure found on many leather cuffs, the velcro is very strong. Struggling alone won't open them. If your scenes don't involve the restrainee actively trying to remove the cuffs, they'll probably be enough to hold them. What I like best about the velcro is the adjustability. I have small, bony wrists; with basic buckle closures, cuffs almost always either rub and chafe from being too loose or cut off circulation from being too tight. Like a bondage Goldilocks, these let me get the fit just right, either for me or for my boyfriend's much larger wrists.

This set performed well during actual use. We had already set it up around the mattress, so getting ready was very quick. When I was bound, I couldn't work my way out, and there was no chafing from the cuffs. As my back and joints started to complain, he was able to quickly adjust how far the tethers pulled me so I could safely keep playing. When it was my turn to tie him up, we really put the restraining power of the Underbed Set to the test. I told him to really try to get out, as if the house was on fire, and to thrash against them as hard as he could (and my little mosher man knows how to thrash).When he finally lay back, panting, he was still tightly bound. The only difference was that he'd managed to work a little bit of slack into the tethers, about an inch after all that thrashing. It's a sturdy set, and it takes a huge effort to force it to loosen at all.

My one worry about the durability of this set lies in the attachment rings on the tether strands of the set. They aren't solid rings. They aren't soldered rings, or even rings with the gap left in. They are the spiraled rings used in key chains. After putting this set through some heavy use, this is where I'd expect the wear to show first. One of ours distorted ever so slightly after the "thrash test." These will eventually bend, and possibly break. Otherwise, it's a pretty well-made set. While leather might have been a more aesthetically pleasing material, there are two huge advantages to the nylon used: 1) It's much less expensive, and 2) The whole set can be tossed in the washing machine with the clothes when you need to clean it.

For the price, the Underbed Restraint set is a really good set. The pricing makes it accessible to newcomers and to those with restricted incomes (i.e. college students). The compact, easy to hide design makes it great for travel and for living situations where discretion is a must (again, i.e. college students like myself). If you really don't like the cuffs, just use your own. And, when it comes right down to it? It works. And for something like this, that's what really matters.

This product was provided to me free of charge by Vibrator.com in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.