Sunday, May 8, 2011

Updated update

Studying for my last final as an undergraduate. YAY.

Staying up WAY too late at night to do so. Not so yay.

Trying to convince my body that it doesn't need to consume its weight in sugar to stay awake, just because I'm not allowed much caffeine... body isn't listening to me. Body is going to be in a world of hurts when I start forcing the weight off come summer.

Trying not to be resentful that boyfriend's family took him out of the country to visit family during my graduation. Because they forgot I was graduating this year. And it didn't occur to them that being gone the whole middle of May meant missing that.

Grateful that the way-too-freakin-long rocky patch with the boyfriend finally seems to be smoothing over. The bad shit just isn't happening any more. We're having sex again. We're telling stories and laughing and having tickle fights again. We're sharing fantasies (sexual and otherwise) again. I don't dread the thought of him visiting, and me having to hide that I just want to be alone, anymore. But now I'm clingy, and I need him... and they took him away for 3 weeks. Assholes.

Failing at the whole not-being-resentful thing.

Slapping self upside the head for being a bitch.

Trying to figure out if there was going to be a point to this post, or if it's just a gramatically impaired braindump.


I got nothin.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Quick Update

Just a quick update - I haven't been around because I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I graduate in 2 weeks (OMG when the heck did that get here?!), I have medical school applications to work on (OMG I'm gonna be a doctor!), and my health's been kind of shitty (OMG I pulled a muscle coughing, yay for two months of bronchitis). So, I will be back, but things may be a bit sparse for a few more weeks.

Friday, April 22, 2011




I am a happy Lily. And a sore Lily (in a good way). And a Lily that has to get up for work in a few hours, so doesn't have time to freak out all over her blog about how awesome and wonderful and loving and wonderful it was, because she needs sleep.

That is all.

PS - For those wondering why this is such a big deal, this is the first time we've successfully had full-on PIV mutually enjoyable sex in a whole pile of months. So yeah, it's kind of a big deal. ;)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Bronchitis and Getting Ready for Medical School Applications

I've spent 8 of the past 10 weeks keeled over with Bronchitis. I do have more posts and reviews (including my first porn/educational vid review!) in the pipeline, but they're going to have to wait a few days while I retrieve the lung I just coughed out.

In other news, I got my MCAT scores back, and the news is VERY good - my shiny 35 means I can apply to any medical school in the US, and have a good shot at getting in. That puts me one huge step closer to my dream school. I'm super excited; now I just have to get and stay healthy enough to get all my paperwork together to apply in time!

It's really hitting me - some day, it'll be Dr. Lily, MD. For years I've imagined growing up to be Dr. Lily, Ph.D, and it's taken a long time for my subconscious to really wrap itself around the idea of OMFG LILY'S GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!!!

And with this collection of fever-addled thoughts I bid you good night.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Moving Home after Graduation

In almost exactly 6 weeks, I will graduate. After 5 long years, my undergraduate schooling will be over (and then... helloooooo years upon years of medical training!) I'm looking forward to being able to get a bit of rest, and to breaking away from endless academic deadlines for a year.

What I'm not looking forward to is moving home. While I love my family, I'm not looking forward to losing the autonomy and privacy I've gotten used to here at school. The ability to close my door and disappear for a day or two to recharge, not interacting with anyone, is kind of nice. Having the privacy and autonomy to jerk off whenever I feel like it, to watch porn without fear, to have my boyfriend sleep over and to have sex, to play my music without worrying about disturbing my family, to eat my meals in peace without anyone judging my attempts to lose weight or to self-medicate with food, to set the thermostat to a temperature where I don't have blue fingers, all this means a lot to me. All the little things that I've come to take for granted about living alone. All of the things I won't even realize are important till they're gone.

There's also the whole thing my therapist said about how moving home right now would be one of the worst possible things I could do to my mind at the moment, but when has that ever stopped me?

Then there's the problem of all of my good friends being here around my school (or way, way, WAY out of state). I have no close friends at home. The only person from my hometown that I still talk to on a regular basis is my boyfriend. Huzzah for going in blind.

And damn, I'm going to miss the unlimited jack-off opportunities.