It's strange what things can motivate us to great lengths, and what fails to even hit the radar. Take my extreme lack of libido as an example. I don't want to have sex anymore. Ever. However, I really, really want to want to have sex. Unfortunately, this was like wanting to not want sugary foods - desperately desired, but not forthcoming. I'm just not interested in sex. I'm not even interested in jacking off most of the time. Confession - as of today, I've had exactly 3 spontaneous jack-off sessions (i.e. not "ok, time to go review these toys" chore-turned-orgasm sessions) in the last two months... and two were in the last week. I just couldn't bring myself to "bother" to jack off.
I had a thousand good reasons that I should force myself to start masturbating again. First of all, I know very well that the more often I jerk off, the more I'll want to jerk off, and the better I'll feel. (actually, it's a lot like working out that way... but I digress) I knew that it would help with the stress, the anxiety attacks, the joint pain, the beginnings of what may be depression... It would be a damn good panacea for what ails me. I knew that when I jack off, I feel like a sexual being again, and that's an important first step.
And I just couldn't be bothered to give a damn. I wasn't having sex. So? I didn't have a sex drive, so it didn't bother me to go without sex. Once in a blue moon I'd manage to feel a twinge of arousal at the right time, and bam! We'd have sex, it would be awesome, I'd orgasm my brains out, we'd cuddle and kiss and reconnect and revitalize our relationship... and then we'd go another few months without sex.
What finally motivated me to start trying to get myself interested in jerking off again was not me - it was my boyfriend. While cuddling after some hardcore Mario Party, it came out that he almost never masturbates any more, either. He just doesn't want to, because it's not me, and he misses me so much that it's horribly unsatisfying. I wasn't just killing my sex drive, I was killing his. I had driven a 2-3 times a day tantric multiple orgasms jack-off guy down to a once a week, maybe. I was shredding him to pieces inside bit by bit while I sat there and ignored my lady bits.
And so, I started on a new plan. I didn't tell my boyfriend, because I was afraid of how hurt he'd be if I failed. I decided to try to force myself to jack off once a day for a few weeks, hoping that this would lead to returned libido. As usual, I didn't stick to the ambitious "every day" agenda, but I still count this as a success thus far - I'm jerking off again, and enjoying it. I'm not staring at my crotch, wondering why I feel nothing more than if I shoved my Wahl against my forearm.
I have hope. I have motivation. I don't know how long either will last, but they're a start.
Honey, I know you feel bad about your low libido and how it affects your boyfriend, but you're stressing out about it too much. There are a number of factors that could be affecting your libido. As women age, our hormones change. That affects everything, including libido. Also take a look at your stress levels, emotions, how much sleep and exercise you've been getting, and what you've been eating and drinking. If any of that is off kilter, your libido will be, too. Jacking off more probably won't solve your low libido. You need to get to the root of the problem.
ReplyDeleteI hope things get better for you! And for now, just think about yourself, not how you're affecting your boyfriend. Feeling bad about that is only going to slow your journey back to libido land down. It's not selfish, it's just concentrating on yourself so you can get back quicker to giving yourself to him.
Best wishes! I'm rootin' for ya!
Good for you for taking your libido into your own hands rather than wait for the roller coaster to ride back up again.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your plans!
Thanks Naughty Student! So far, so good - I've managed to stick with my plans, and I seem to be getting some results. It's not over yet, but it give me hope.
ReplyDeleteTrue Pleasures, I'm sure your comment was written in the most loving way possible, but it was also unhelpful, and rather hurtful. This has been going on long enough that I've looked into far more potential libido crushers than you've mentioned. And no, they don't apply in this case, according to all the doctors I've seen.
If you've been following my blog for at least a few weeks, you'll know that I have an anxiety disorder. Telling a person with anxiety disorder to "just" not worry is like telling a drowning person not to gasp for air 20 ft beneath the surface - they know damn well that they'll never get any air down there, and they're fighting for their life to not "breathe" the water... but their body betrays them and does it anyway.
Thanks, but as I've mentioned in multiple previous posts, I HAVE gotten to the root of the problem. It's called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It's not going away any time soon, but making my boyfriend unhappy ratchets up my anxiety quickly. That kind of thing happens when you care about someone. Also? The research on the topic says that "fake it till you make it" works with getting your libido back. Ergo, jacking off more actually should help.
That said, thank you for the well wishes. I appreciate them, and I really do appreciate the spirit in which your comment was written, though the content was inadvertently hurtful.