Crazy Sex Toys Found on Etsy

Those of you familiar with Regretsy know that some of the craziest, strangest handcrafted oddities end up listed on Etsy. One day, in a fit of whimsy, I discovered that a strange, wonderful, and sometimes terrifying array of hand-made sex toys are also hidden in the depths of Etsy. I decided that I needed to immortalize a few of these gems...

Click each image to jump straight to the listing!

A knitted bamboo/silk vibrator bag. I was going to make fun of this concept, but then I realized how awesome it was. I can totally see myself storing Lelo or Njoy toys in something like this. Or glass toys that need a bit more padding.

Again, I was going to make fun of this one, until I realized that it was such a great idea. A tube full of water will hold its temperature much longer than a hunk of solid ceramic - basic thermodynamics.

It's a fish. Carved out of holly wood. For your vagina.

I know it's just the glaze job, but this thing looks like it's filthy and covered in mold. Even if I bleached and boiled it myself, I'm not sure I could ever get over the squik factor enough to introduce it to my vagina.

Crazy Sex Toys Found On Etsy

Those of you familiar with Regretsy know that some of the craziest, strangest handcrafted oddities end up listed on Etsy. One day, in a fit of whimsy, I discovered that a strange, wonderful, and sometimes terrifying array of hand-made sex toys are also hidden in the depths of Etsy. I decided that I needed to immortalize a few of these gems...

Click each image to jump straight to the listing!

Frighteningly reminiscent of a propane torch. You light the fires of my passion, baby?

Declared a "Marital Aide." Because of course the only reason to use a dildo is to help save your marriage. (Otherwise kind of cool looking. How many bright yellow dildos are there, anyway?)

Brings a whole new meaning to "blue balls"...

Dildolls. Really. I... I don't even know where to begin.