Crazy Sex Toys Found On Etsy

Those of you familiar with Regretsy know that some of the craziest, strangest handcrafted oddities end up listed on Etsy. One day, in a fit of whimsy, I discovered that a strange, wonderful, and sometimes terrifying array of hand-made sex toys are also hidden in the depths of Etsy. I decided that I needed to immortalize a few of these gems...

Click each image to jump straight to the listing!

Frighteningly reminiscent of a propane torch. You light the fires of my passion, baby?

Declared a "Marital Aide." Because of course the only reason to use a dildo is to help save your marriage. (Otherwise kind of cool looking. How many bright yellow dildos are there, anyway?)

Brings a whole new meaning to "blue balls"...

Dildolls. Really. I... I don't even know where to begin.