Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Levaquin is a hell of a drug

I absolutely love Levaquin (the antibiotic, for those of you who have never been sick enough to use it). Why, do you ask? Masturbation, of course!

Let me break this down for you. First of all, being on Levaquin means that I'm way too sick to, you know, actually be able to do real work. I can't study, can't work in my lab, and can barely tpye straight. (you know, I think I'll just leave that typo in place, because it looks funny. I wonder how you would pronounce that, anyway...) That means lots of time to jack off and catch up on porn!

Secondly, being on Levaquin generally means that I have bronchitis, so I'm coughing all the time. Generally this is a bad thing, but I discovered that the cough reflex includes tensing the PC muscles. Slip in my favorite Xhale kegel egg, and suddenly my g-spot is loving this whole sick shindig.

Third, and best, this crazy antibiotic sets of a crazy sympathetic system response (for the non-bio-geeks in the crowd, that's the one that turns on your fight-or-flight reaction). Again, sounds awful, but think about it: my heart is racing... like I'm aroused. I'm breathing fast... like I'm aroused. I'm already halfway to convincing my body that it's sexy time! Plus, and this is the bestest of them all, Levaquin makes my hands shake. All I have to do to jack off is hold my hand in the general vacinity of my clit, and the shaking does the rest! Talk about the epic pinnacle of lazy masturbation!

Damn, I need to get horrendously sick more often. I have a lot of porn to catch up on!

"Miss, we're going to have to ask you to step away from the internet, very slowly... keep your hands away from the keyboard where we can see them..."

1 comment:

  1. Never thought about how good being sick could feel! LOL