Weapons-Grade Awful

My evening on twitter started here:

Ugh. This flavored Motion Lotion from Doc Johnson is gawdawful. Seriously, weapons-grade awful. AVOID.

A perfectly honest statement of opinion. Somehow, over the next hour, it devolved from there. To be quite honest, I'm not sure how it happened.

@Epiphora My tongue threatened to sue, or at least get a restraining order.

I blame my friends for goading me on.

I wonder if there are any lawyers who would take my case? "Um, you see, my tongue is trying to sue me, and I need your help..."

I really don't know how to explain this stuff.

I swore to my tongue that it would never happen again, that I would never subject her to such crappy flavors again. She doesn't believe me.

I wonder why?!

It's kinda hard to argue with one's tongue, though. They always get the last word. 

 I... um... hell, how does one apologize for puns? By asking that the punishment fit the crime?