Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Wicked Faire 2011

This weekend, I went to the wonderfully crazy event known as Wicked Faire. To make a long explanation short, Wicked Faire is a little bit of Renn Faire, combined with a Con, mixed with a hefty dose of the local (and not so local) kink and pagan communities. It's an absolutely epic blast. For my boyfriend and I, our second year going was even better than our first. No, we weren't able to go to many of the performances (and I'm PISSED that I completely missed seeing White Elephant Burlesque perform, they're a wonderful group) but we still had a really good time.

We did our first pass of the vendors Friday night, a few hours in when everyone was set up and stuff had really gotten going. Between fondling silk and leather and oggling gorgeous hardware, we caught an amazing fire-spinning performance by Hubris. While their flaming stunts were wicked cool, the weather had also gotten wicked cold, so after their main performance was done we ran back inside, missing the encore and extras.

After watching the fire, we spent a while at a fun display by The Bee Folks. They had a mind-boggling array of handmade beeswax candles, from simple tapers to ornately carved dragons and puppies and flowers and Greenmen and... penises and boobs. Yes, really. The line was called "Mother's Special Candles," and they were hidden under a cloth so that those who didn't want to see naughty wax wouldn't have to. They were very well done, and absolutely hilarious. They also had a whole line of hand creams and lip balms made from beeswax and/or honey, which were quite decadent. The crowning jewel of their display, however, was their array of varietal honey. There was honey from bees fed from only blueberry bushes, and from almond trees, and on bamboo and buckwheat and radishes, and my new absolute favorite, from avocado trees. It's richly flavored, yet mellow. There is little to none of the dry aftertaste that some honey gets, and no bitterness, yet it isn't too sweet, either. I usually don't gush about honey, but this stuff is crazy good. (unfortunately, they don't seem to have it on their website right now. I has a sad.)

Later that night, we ended up at the ginormous display of Red Falcon Armories. I cannot say enough good things about these people. Seriously. First of all, they make wonderful, cool, amazing stuff. (check out their site: they may not be good at the whole "making a website" thing, but they know their leather!) My boyfriend got a flask and leather belt case for it, and a fun "mana potion" bottle with belt case. And me? I ended up spending FAR more than I planned on a fantastic lamb leather corset vest. It is worth every penny I paid, though. It's incredibly comfortable, the craftsmanship is superb, and it looks amazing. Plus, between the high-quality leather and the styling, I could use it for some kinds of everyday wear. Paired with a light blouse and a blazer? I could totally wear this thing to a job interview, then ditch the blazer and go dancing in it, then go home and Domme it up a little with my boyfriend. Their customer service is also fantastic - about two hours after I purchased it, the busk had a catastrophic mechanical failure. I sat down, and suddenly one of the closure posts parted company with the busk, and flew across the room, almost taking someone's eye out! I quickly unlaced and removed the dangerous garment and went back to Red Falcon, where they immediately replaced the corset with effusive apologies... then started digging around for the number of their busk provider, muttering dark imprecations upon the people who provided such a dangerously sub-par busk. No such issues occurred with the second corset, I'm happy to say, and I'm happily looking for any and every excuse to wear it.

The last thing we did before leaving was spend almost an hour chatting with Dr. Clockwork about his stock in trade, Violet Wands. My boyfriend got to feel what they can do for the first time, after hearing me talk about them for a year. All I can say is, it is now certain that when we can finally afford one, we will acquire a Violet Wand. Somehow. Because I rarely see that expression on my boyfriend's face when he tries something new, and I love it.

Saturday was long, and wonderful. To make a long story short (or an already long story not quite so endless), our shopping loot from the rest of the Faire included 15' of bright teal hemp rope (recommended by our friend the Wiccan Shibari Boy), a one-hand set of eagle talons (metal talons that attach to the tips of your fingers, for sharp sensation play or electro play), a pretty suede pouch for me to wear at Renn Faires, a stunning hand-dyed silk scarf/shawl/veil (5'x2.5' of sheer, multi-shaded purple silk. I'm in heaven.), and a lot of fantastic memories. I met new friends, reconnected with old ones, and spent time with friends I didn't even know were interested in faires/steampunk/kink/any of this crazy stuff. I was invited to an absinthe party by a close friend (which I missed due to my body deciding to start getting sick), and I saw some of the most amazing costumes.

I adored it all. It was a wonderful weekend, and I wish I didn't have to wait a whole year for the next Wicked Faire!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Seller Shout-Out: TheDominaesWorkshop

I usually don't hype sellers here on my blog; it's just not my thing. However, once in a while I stumble across something so beautiful, so wonderful, so unique, or so incredibly epic that I have to share with all of you.

Today, in my internet meanderings I ended up in TheDominaesWorkshop, a store on Etsy. While occasionally other items show up, the primary fare for this little shop, run by "two slaves and their domina," is paddles.

And oh, what marvelous paddles they are! They come in a variety of woods and shapes, from red oak to basswood to poplar, frat paddles and round paddles and fat paddles and skinny paddles. However, it is what the artist puts on the paddles that make them such unique works of art. Each paddle has an image lovingly burned into the surface. My favorite is a pegasus on pine, titled Volatus. Each feather in the wings is delicately detailed, the hairs of the mane seem to curl in the wind, and there's even a twinkle in the pegasus' eye. It's a truly beautiful piece, worthy of hanging on a wall to display for the world to admire. (and discretion be damned!)

Those of you with more disposable income than this poor college student should really go check this shop out. Their work is beautiful, like nothing else I've ever seen.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Crazy Sex Toys Found on Etsy

Those of you familiar with Regretsy know that some of the craziest, strangest handcrafted oddities end up listed on Etsy. One day, in a fit of whimsy, I discovered that a strange, wonderful, and sometimes terrifying array of hand-made sex toys are also hidden in the depths of Etsy. I decided that I needed to immortalize a few of these gems...

Click each image to jump straight to the listing!

A knitted bamboo/silk vibrator bag. I was going to make fun of this concept, but then I realized how awesome it was. I can totally see myself storing Lelo or Njoy toys in something like this. Or glass toys that need a bit more padding.

Again, I was going to make fun of this one, until I realized that it was such a great idea. A tube full of water will hold its temperature much longer than a hunk of solid ceramic - basic thermodynamics.

It's a fish. Carved out of holly wood. For your vagina.

I know it's just the glaze job, but this thing looks like it's filthy and covered in mold. Even if I bleached and boiled it myself, I'm not sure I could ever get over the squik factor enough to introduce it to my vagina.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


Following a woman around, listing off characteristics about her and trying to guess things about her, loudly, is assanine. It is not flattering, it is not cool, it is not funny, and it sure as hell is not going to earn you points with her.

"Look, there, no, her over there. The hot one with the ponytail. Yeah, I see her walking along here every week. I know it's her because she always wears the same coat and pants" (Which I don't, I just happen to prefer dark denim, and it's been cold so I wear my parka most days.) "She's got to be somewhere between 18 and 19. I'm betting... she's got to be 17 3/4. Don't worry man, she'll be 19 soon. *lecherous chuckle" (I'm 23.) "But she's definitely a sophomore, definitely man, so you're good." (I'm a 5th year "super-senior.") "That hair is probably dyed, too." (No, I'm just the first natural blond you've seen this side of the Atlantic.) "Yeah, she's DEFINITELY possible. Dude, totally! *laughter* *mutter mutter* ask her *mutter mutter* See ya later, man!" (No. Hell fucking no. I am not even a remote possibility for you assholes.)

Seriously? Do parents teach their children no manners anymore? Thank goodness I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now, because I might be tempted to stab my eyes out in frustration at the 3rd grade social tactics of the testosterone-drenched sex.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


It's strange what things can motivate us to great lengths, and what fails to even hit the radar. Take my extreme lack of libido as an example. I don't want to have sex anymore. Ever. However, I really, really want to want to have sex. Unfortunately, this was like wanting to not want sugary foods - desperately desired, but not forthcoming. I'm just not interested in sex. I'm not even interested in jacking off most of the time. Confession - as of today, I've had exactly 3 spontaneous jack-off sessions (i.e. not "ok, time to go review these toys" chore-turned-orgasm sessions) in the last two months... and two were in the last week. I just couldn't bring myself to "bother" to jack off.

I had a thousand good reasons that I should force myself to start masturbating again. First of all, I know very well that the more often I jerk off, the more I'll want to jerk off, and the better I'll feel. (actually, it's a lot like working out that way... but I digress) I knew that it would help with the stress, the anxiety attacks, the joint pain, the beginnings of what may be depression... It would be a damn good panacea for what ails me. I knew that when I jack off, I feel like a sexual being again, and that's an important first step.

And I just couldn't be bothered to give a damn. I wasn't having sex. So? I didn't have a sex drive, so it didn't bother me to go without sex. Once in a blue moon I'd manage to feel a twinge of arousal at the right time, and bam! We'd have sex, it would be awesome, I'd orgasm my brains out, we'd cuddle and kiss and reconnect and revitalize our relationship... and then we'd go another few months without sex.

What finally motivated me to start trying to get myself interested in jerking off again was not me - it was my boyfriend. While cuddling after some hardcore Mario Party, it came out that he almost never masturbates any more, either. He just doesn't want to, because it's not me, and he misses me so much that it's horribly unsatisfying. I wasn't just killing my sex drive, I was killing his. I had driven a 2-3 times a day tantric multiple orgasms jack-off guy down to a once a week, maybe. I was shredding him to pieces inside bit by bit while I sat there and ignored my lady bits.

And so, I started on a new plan. I didn't tell my boyfriend, because I was afraid of how hurt he'd be if I failed. I decided to try to force myself to jack off once a day for a few weeks, hoping that this would lead to returned libido. As usual, I didn't stick to the ambitious "every day" agenda, but I still count this as a success thus far - I'm jerking off again, and enjoying it. I'm not staring at my crotch, wondering why I feel nothing more than if I shoved my Wahl against my forearm.

I have hope. I have motivation. I don't know how long either will last, but they're a start.

Monday, February 7, 2011



Let it be known that any material known as Jelly, Jel-lee, Jellie, Gelly, etc, is NOT sterilizable, under any circumstances.1 Such materials are highly porous, and very unstable when subjected to high temperatures. They cannot be sterilized, or even sanitized, with boiling water, bleach, rubbing alcohol, UV wands, or antibacterial soap. Even medical grade Quatricide cannot sterilize a jelly toy.

You cannot sterilize jelly. Ever. Period.


(1) And oh, sprockets, I wish I was kidding when I tell you I've heard people claim this.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Post-MCAT Maunderings

And so she returns at long last, from the endless desert of studying for the MCAT exams. There is a heaviness in the air as our heroine pauses for a rest - is it the looming month before the scores will be released? Is it the mountain of the application process that looms before her? Is it the prospect of leaving her nice, comfortable lab to find a "real job" for the year between graduation and medical school? Or is it simply being unable to believe that the 8 months of frantic studying for the epic 5-hour exam are finally over?


Melodramatics aside, I can finally say I've done it: I've made it through the medical rite of passage that is the MCAT exam. Not only did I survive it, I left feeling very, very confident that I had done well. I'm amazed, elated, relieved, and exhausted. I've spent the last week doing a lot of sleeping and playing video games and staring at walls. Now, it's time to start picking up the pieces of my life and putting them back together.

Because honestly, completely changing your life plans this quickly does shatter your life. My friendships need mending, because I disappeared to study for so long. My academic relationships with professors and advisors need cultivating so that I can get good letters of recommendation soon. My networking needs help, so I can find the elusive medical-field-with-just-a-BS job for my gap year. My relationship with my boyfriend is in desperate trouble - we're working on it, and he's promised not to give up on me, and I'm still madly in love with him even when he's frustrating, so there's still hope. I just have to drag myself out of bed and get back to seeing my therapist, because anxiety disorders are hell on relationships.

Also, I'm going to be getting back to writing reviews. I sincerely apologize to both my readers and the companies I work with for falling so far behind in reviews. I have a whole pile in the works, so we'll be returning to our regularly scheduled reviews, rants, and ridiculousness soon.