Snowed in again

The last vehicle to make it up my street before the snow made it impassible was the USPS guy, delivering a box of sex toys for me to play with. I think this is a good sign.

I'm snowed in with new toys. Let the fun begin!

Review: Incognito

I'm usually not much of one for watch battery bullets or sex toys that masquerade as something innocuous. I mean, why try to explain a giant plastic sunflower when you can leave a big honkin' back massager on your desk with no one the wiser?

However, said big honkin' massagers aren't the most portable of devices. For one thing, they're big. For another, they're usually tethered to a wall by that pesky power cord, and/or they're really, really loud. This is where small, quiet, portable, discrete toys come in. I figured it could be fun to have the thrill of walking around with a vibrator in my purse that no one would recognize. I wanted to be able to grab a quick orgasm between classes.

The Incognito is one such discrete toy. Designed to look like a bottle of nail polish, it hides a secret - removing the lid reveals not a pot of lacquer, but a small bullet vibrator. To turn on the bullet, you simply twist the business end. This is very easy to do, so make sure you take out the batteries when not in use unless you want your purse to start vibrating randomly.

The power is quite respectable for something that runs on (included!) button cell batteries, but there is only so much they can do. Its strength is about on par with your average 1-AAA vibrator, and quite buzzy. However, the trade-off is that the Incognito is comparatively quiet - not quiet enough to use in a bathroom if no one else is there, but quiet enough to be covered by a little background noise, like a fan or air conditioner. The bullet easily lifts out of the bottle for cleaning, and there is plenty of space below in the bottle to hold the batteries or even a small foil packet of lube when not in use.

The biggest downfall of the Incognito as a discrete toy for tossing in your purse or leaving on a nightstand is that it simply fails to pass as a nail polish bottle, except for the quickest of glances while it's half-buried in the deepest, darkest recesses of a purse. To be brutally honest, it looks like a small child's toy makeup. Its presence could easily be explained away by caretakers for feminine children under the age of around 6-7, but the rest of us are going to get some rather strange looks for carrying what appears to be a child's toy in our purses.

Is it worth it? Maybe. Buyers with a little more money to toss around and a little less need for toys that don't look like toys would do better with something that runs on AA or AAA batteries, like a pocket rocket or larger corded bullet. If you absolutely must have discretion, but want a higher quality toy, the Lelo Mia is the way to go. However, at only $10, the Incognito would make a nice toy for a beginner to start testing the waters. While the quality is not as high as other, more expensive toys, beginners are often afraid to spend too much at the outset. The Incognito is non-threatening, the appearance isn't as likely to get them "caught" as a cheap jelly dildo, and for a toy in this price range, it packs some serious punch. For such people, this could make a good "gateway" toy, or a fun gag gift.


This product was provided to me free of charge by MyPleasure in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Review: Lelo Ina

I like pressure with my clit stimulation. A lot. I'm what you might call a pressure junkie - I actually have a hard time getting off at all without pressure. Confession time: on two separate occasions, I have actually left visible bruises on my poor crotch in my, ahem, enthusiasm.

So when people started griping about how Lelo's first dual stimulator, the Ina, pressed down on their clits WAY too hard, my ears perked up. I might even have done a little happy dance. Epic pressure, without hurting my wrist or worrying about breaking the toy.

Bottom line? I adore it. It is the first and only dual stimulator I've ever tried that gave me the kind of vibration and pressure I wanted, without me needing to get another hand down there manipulating things. The inner portion was shaped just right to make it to my g-spot every time. It's no Pure Wand, but it does well enough. The motors are definitely stronger and are felt more deeply than the earlier motors.

Yes, motors. The Ina has not one, but two motors - one in the clit portion, and one up in the shaft. The vibration patterns let you choose between steady with both on, or with just one or the other, then patterns that include both. My favorite? When the vibration switches back and forth between the two motors. Some people have described it as almost feeling like thrusting; I'm not sure I feel that, but it's very, very fun.

For me, the icing on the cake was the pressure. The clit arm isn't rigidly attached to the shaft, as a solid piece of underlying plastic. Both the shaft and clit arm are solid under the pure silicone coating, but the attachment point is flexible. However, it is also quite stiff. You have to push it a bit to open it up for use, and once it's in place, it clamps down. The majority of reviewers have described it as pinching, painful, even torturous. Personally, I found it enjoyable and not at all painful, but I love pressure on my clitoris. Be warned - if you aren't a diehard clit-pressure fan, (or a masochist who's into clit torture) this toy may hurt!

I had very few gripes about the Ina. Sure, I would have liked a wee bit more power, but I'm a power queen. It was more than enough to get me off multiple times in a reasonable amount of time. I'd love to see them do a variation with the Gigi's head on a dual stimulator, because I still love that shape. As always, I wish it was waterproof, or at least splashproof - dorm-dwelling college students get most of their private time in the shower, ya know? It would make cleanup easier, too. (Since I received my Ina, Lelo has come out with the Soraya in their Insignia line, which appears to be functionally identical, just waterproof. Huzzah!) Otherwise, I'm happy as a geek in a gadget shop. This toy  has lived in my bedside drawer, charged, at all times since I got it months ago.

And? It's bright lime green. LIME. FREAKING. GREEN. Why don't more companies make toys in such wonderful colors?

Review: Vibrating Dilator Set

The Vibrating Dilator Set is an interesting answer to a common need. Whether vaginally or anally, many people have wanted to work their way up to insertion of something larger, be it flesh or sex toy. However, how many people want to buy a dildo in every half or quarter inch increment between their start and their goal, when they just want to play AT said goal?

That's where this vibrator comes in. With a single sex toy, you have four different sizes to play with, ranging from 7/8" in diameter and 3.5" long to 1.5" in diameter and 6.25" long. (the image above shows the smallest of the three shells already attached to the base over the smallest size) All four sizes are shaped like a basic "stick" style vibrator. The smallest size is built onto the handle and houses the motor. The other three nest around it and lock into the handle, like a set of kinky Russian Dolls. I'm serious when I say they lock in place - they give a firm click when you twist them in, and if they're wet or covered in lube, you are not going to be able to get them back off without hilarity and embarrassment. When you're working your way up, just leave the smaller ones in place and attach the big ones around them. Trust me. Do as I say, not as I do. You can avoid much frustration.

It may only run on two AA batteries, but the motor on this toy is STRONG. I'm talking stronger than Wahl-on-low strong, but incredibly buzzy. As you start adding shells to the dilator, the power damps down considerably, and the vibrations get much less buzzy; with the final shell in place, it starts to move into deep vibe territory. If very strong, buzzy vibrations bug you, make sure to turn the little power dial on the handle way down until you have a shell or two in place. The advantage of this motor is that there is still some power left when it gets all the way out to the last shell, so it's a worthy trade-off. Those vibrations can go a long way for getting either the vaginal or anal muscles to relax, which speeds up the dilation process.

The set comes with a ridiculously large lavender organza drawstring bag. I'm assuming it's there to store the set, but the size is just comical. With everything inside, I was able to roll the excess around the contents three times. The bag also easily fits three netbooks, or five water bottles, or a pair of shoes, or a small pillow. Seriously, they went a little overboard on this one. There is also a clear, nubby silicone blend sleeve included in the kit, which fits over all but the largest shell. You have to like large, squishy nubs for this to do anything for you, though. We never use it, because without it the Dilator is completely waterproof and sanitizable - wash it with soap and water when I'm the only one using it (anal only), or wipe it down with bleach when we want to share. That sleeve is not sterilizeable, so it's a one orifice toy. Share between vaginas if you're fluid bonded, but otherwise you're going to need condoms.

Whether you're working through them in quick succession in preparation for penetration, or slowly, gently teaching your body to accept increasingly larger insertions, this is a good, solid choice. It's not fancy, it has no bells and whistles. It's innovative, and it just works.

Thanks to Good Vibrations Sex Toys for sending me the Vibrating Dilator Set!

This product was provided to me free of charge by GoodVibrations in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Review: Club Vibe

Confession time: I'm a gadget girl. A serious gadget lover. Put a new geeky electronic in front of me, and I'll disappear for hours learning everything I can about it, and just fiddling around with it. Phone? Ebook reader? Camera? Game system? Little whosit no one can figure out? I'm there. For me, a vibrator is just another kind of gadget, so an innovative, cool, and functional looking gadget of a vibrator? The Club Vibe was right up my alley.

There is a lot to love about the Club Vibe. First of all, it's a sex toy that is designed to be taken out and about in your outside-the-bedroom life. That is totally hot. Second, this bullet responds to your environment, vibrating along with the noises you hear. That's where its name comes from - when you wear this vibrator to a club, your clit gets to thump along with the music.

The controls are wonderfully intuitive, and simple (they sound more complicated than they are). One edge of the control box has a slide switch allowing you to choose between Off, On - built in functions mode, and On - Ambient mode. The bottom edge has the audio in jack (cord provided) and the volume roller. The top edge is where the bullet plugs in. The front has two fingertip-sized buttons flush with the control box. When the Club Vibe is set to Ambient, these buttons do nothing. When it is set in Function mode, the circle button turns on the vibrations and switches between functions, and the X shaped button is an instant-off. (I love this one, as I'm always bitching about wanting to be able to turn off my vibes in a hurry. This toy is wonderfully easy to use, with all its clearly labeled buttons.

The thong that came with the Club Vibe was ok. It wasn't amazing, but it wasn't a total loss, either. The fabric is soft, the scalloped edging is annoying, the stretch lace waistband is comfortable. It's supposed to be one size fits most; it fit well in some areas, and gapped in others, so it wasn't something I'd wear to feel sexy. It would work better for someone with the right body shape, but I'll be darned if I can figure out what that is supposed to be. It didn't have a pocket to put the velvety micro bullet in, so I just did what I always do when I don't want to hold a bullet - tuck it between my labia right where I want it. They hold it in place just fine, especially once I put my pants on. You could tuck it inside the vagina (though I'd recommend a condom, since it's not waterproof), in front of or behind the scrotum, or just loose in the underwear to roam where it will, but don't stick it up your butt. This is not anal-safe, and the bullet might decide to go on an unauthorized adventure!

There is a definitely learning curve with taking this toy to a noisy event. I had to fiddle with the volume quite a bit, because on Ambient, the higher the volume setting, the stronger the vibrations for the ambient noise level. I discovered a flaw in use, however. For discretion, I tucked the controller in my pocket, but the fabric muffled the sound. I was vibrating to the sound of my jeans rubbing against the microphone, not the explosions in the movie. I did eventually clip it to my waistband, and hoped that no one would wonder what the heck it was. Problem solved; it picked up the sound effects quite well, and those dramatic explosions suddenly got a lot more exciting!

Where I really ran into issues with this was when I tried to use the Club Vibe while watching porn. I love listening to all the moans and sexy vocals in porn, so vibrating that hit me in time with the moans? Should have been perfect. The Club Vibe comes with a neat little cable: it plugs into your headphone jack, you plug it into your Club Vibe, then you plug your headphones into the split second end of the cable. I found that if I kept the sound low enough that it wasn't physically hurting my ears, I got very little vibration out of the club vibe, no matter how high I turned the control pack's volume. It may have been my nice (but not uber-good) headphones; it might have been my sensitive, musician-trained ears. Either way, I couldn't get vibrations and hear the porn at the same time, which kind of defeated the point.

The Club Vibe can pack a punch. When set to its functions mode, the highest setting is quite strong, but very buzzy. It's about on par with your average 2-3 AA powered bullet. It has some fun patterns, but as usual I found myself going back to the steady settings to get off.

Even though it isn't water resistant, the Club Vibe is pretty easy to care for. The bullet, cord, and battery pack can be carefully wiped down with toy cleaning wipes or a damp cloth. Be careful to get the seam and connection point of the bullet clean, as those two spots like to collect junk. This toy is not sterilizeable, so use a condom to share. Between uses, pull out the batteries and store the whole set in the pretty included bag. OhMiBod gets major props for including this. It's a very sturdy drawstring bag made out of stretchy, almost sparkly black velvet, with OhMiBod embroidered on the front in white and pink. The control box, bullet, all cords, a set of batteries, and the thong all fit inside the bag easily, making it easy to keep track of all the pieces.

Is the club vibe worth it? That really depends on what you want it for. If you've always wanted to have a toy that vibrated along with your porn or music, you may want to pass on this one and go for one of their other toys (the original OhMiBod absolutely shone here; I don't know about the more recent models). If you want a strong microvibe to wear that will pulse with the music or the movie, then this is it. This one rocks that niche.

Thanks to Good Vibrations Sex Toys for sending me the Club Vibe!

This product was provided to me free of charge by GoodVibrations in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Review: Tenga Egg - Spider

The Tenga Egg has been buzzed about for long enough to get me curious. At first, I figured that it was just another disposable masturbator; isn't that what Tenga was known for? Then, I started hearing the gals raving about it. I tried to wrap my mind around wrapping a masturbator around your Hitachi, and my brain ended up needing a hard reboot. I was seriously confused until I dug up some pictures on sex toy stores of what the heck this thing actually looked like. I was curious, but not desperately so.

Review: Mystic Wand Attachment

Like the Mystic Wand for which it was designed, the boringly named Mystic Wand Attachment is a stunning example of Vibratex listening to our gripes, listening to what we want, and then making it happen. If it fits your body, this sex toy totally rocks.

Crazy Twitter Followers

Sometimes my twitter account gets followed by the most random folks. I can understand when a makeup blogger follows me after I tweet about lipstick. I can understand when a Medical Supply store's twitter follows me after I gripe about my back or my mom's diabetes. Heck, while it makes me giggle, I can even understand how SFW Mommy Bloggers can end up following me after I tweet about "toys!"

There are some, though, that I just don't understand.

Today, a forklift company's twitter followed me. Forklifts! I kid you not. Looking back at my tweets, I can't for the life of me figure out what made them think that following me was a good idea. I can't say it better than I did when I shared this bit of insanity with the twitterverse -

A forklift store is following me. I don't have THAT many toys, honest!

Review: Mystic Wand

I've played with a few different wand style massagers/vibrators in my time as a reviewer, and I have to say that the Mystic Wand by Vibratex truly deserves the title of Really Frickin Awesome. It's proof that some designers really are listening to what we say about our sex toys.

Wanton Wednesday: Rope Harness

So, I've seen people doing Wanton Wednesday for a while now. It sounds like fun. It sounds more... decadent and artsy than HNT tends to be. And it's done by a group of people I know and love. I can dig that.

And so, for this very Wanton Wednesday, I'll share my one of my first attempts at rope play. It was too hot out to wear clothing, so of course I figured it was a good time to experiment with some basic ties. On a whim, I rigged together a dildo harness.

It was actually quite sturdy, especially given the sheer weight of the dildo attached to it. (For those curious, that is the Tantus Captain. Marvelous toy, but as of this posting it had been discontinued because it's a niche toy that doesn't sell well. More's the pity.) While I haven't tried it with full on pegging, I was still surprised that it was so sturdy.

I have more rope coming in later this week to experiment with. Depending on how frequently my boyfriend reads my blog, I may have just blown a surprise, or he may not know until I've practiced enough that I'm ready to share my rope. We shall see. ;)

I am an Outlier

I am an outlier.

I do not fit the all of the statistical norms for a 22-year-old white American middle class female.

I have had exactly one sexual partner, and exactly one romantic relationship.

Though a college student, I do not "party," nor do I enjoy being drunk.

I enjoy reading technical material.

I am differently-abled due to medical issues.

I'm a woman getting a college degree in a hard science.

I have a transgendered parent.

I am kinky, as far as the statistical average is concerned.

I am a sex toy reviewer. I receive more sex toys in a month than most women in my statistical set get in their whole lives.

I always orgasm when I have sex.

I have natural G-cup boobs on an otherwise slightly built body.

I am very smart, and dedicated to learning as much as I possibly can.

I enjoy classical music. And broccoli. And brussel sprouts.

I don't mind the feeling of sex with condoms, as long as said condom is not textured and is well lubricated.

I go to great lengths to avoid getting a tan, even though I love lying in the sun. (glory be to SPF 60!)

Someday, I will probably be the major breadwinner in my marriage.

I feel no desire to have children of my own. I do not find children or babies inherently cute. Actually, most babies are pretty strange looking, if you ask me.

Though a Christian, I do not follow traditional, accepted "Christian beliefs."

I am not a devoted member of any political party, and I rarely vote along party lines.

I have a blog; while standard in this community, in my "set" at large it is uncommon.

I am an outlier. This does not make me better or worse than any other person. It does not mean I am defective, or maladjusted, or broken. It does not make me a strange, inhuman creature. Being different makes me human. Being different makes me normal, because no one is statistically average in every aspect of their lives and selves. It takes many values to make an average, and an average is representative of the group, not the individual. We all contribute to the average in some way, and like the quantum states of electrons around a nucleus, no two of us contribute the same set of values.

I am different. I am an outlier. I am proud. I am myself, and that is all.

Review: Ophoria Bliss #8

The Ophoria Bliss #8, sent to me by Fascinations, is a very well-made vibrator. At this price range, I was actually quite surprised by how well designed it is. The little things that make using and caring for a toy so much nicer are there, showing an attention to detail often overlooked in higher-priced designer brands.

Review: Rose G-Spotter

I love glass. I adore firm, compact, pinpoint g-spot lovin'. When I saw the Rose G-Spotter over at Babeland, I knew I had to have it.

The Rose G-spotter is a lovely dildo. I'm not always picky about beauty in my sex toys, but with glass dildos it's virtually a requirement. The glass is a pretty shade of rosey pink, significantly brighter than it shows up in photos. When I first got it, I spent quite a while just turning it over in my hands, watching it catch the light. It was captivating.

Review: Underbed Restraint System

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Review: Pleasure Me Purse Kit

I adore a nice massage. Seriously, if the masseuse is any good, I completely melt away with bliss and relaxation. I like getting massages. I like giving massages. Massages are just a wonderful part of life.

So when Good Vibrations offered me a chance to review the Pleasure Me Purse Kit, I was more than game. I'd never tried a massage bar before; to be honest, I wasn't really sure what a massage bar was. I was skeptical of some of the rest of the kit, but I love trying samples. And Creme Brulee sounds like such a wonderful flavor. For anything.

Review: Bubbles

Ever since I first saw the new Fun Factory Click 'N' Charge vibrators announced, my inner geek has been itchy to get her hands on one.

When my inner geek saw how cute some of them were, she squealed with glee.

When Babeland offered her the Bubbles vibrator, she just about had a heart attack.

Because, seriously? The Bubbles g-spot vibrator from Fun Factory is all kinds of awesome.

Review: Tango III

I wanted to love the Tango, really I did. From the moment I pulled it out of its box, I was in love. The sleek lines, reminiscent of some interstellar spaceship. The soft, plush, pet-able silicone. The power. THE POWER.

Because man, oh, man, did that motor have power. It purred. It rumbled. It thrummed.

And if they'd bothered to put a motor in the actual clit stimulator itself, I might have absolutely adored this toy.

Review: Silk Medium

The Silk Medium by Tantus is a great little beginner dildo, for vaginal or anal play. Too bad they've discontinued my favorite color - I was lucky enough to get one of the last of the pearly mint green. Head over to EdenFantasys to read my review on this fun little dildo!

$33.99Silk medium Dildo by Tantus Material: Silicone Safety: Buy from EdenFantasys

Review: Shunga Chocolate Body Paint

For a long time, I didn't understand why on earth anyone would want to buy chocolate body paint. As far as I was concerned, there was decent chocolate sauce in the world that comes out of a squeeze-bottle if you need convenience, or you could melt up your own if you wanted a good, seriously decadent chocolate experience. Why on earth would someone pay an arm and a leg for chocolate body paint then? What was the big deal? I admit, it made me endlessly curious.

Review: Rock Chick

Ah, the Rock Chick. Rarely has there been a toy more polarizing. It's a great concept. A pure silicone toy designed to nestle in and stimulate both clitoris and g-spot, hands-free. A powerful bullet to run it, and soft ridges to rock against. A soft silicone joint so that the C shape can open as much or little as possible as necessary for comfort. It's a really, really good idea, but it needs to come in a variety of sizes, because it is not at all "one size fits all."