"It could never happen to me" and a culture of Sanism

The more exposure I have to the field of mental health, the more I realize that a curious fallacy has taken hold in the minds of the general population. Mental illness has come to be seen as something that is either there, or is not. They see it as black and white, with raving psychotics and suicidal depressives on one side, and the rest of the world (themselves included, of course) on the other. In reality, it is a gradient, with very few people completely untouched by the slightest hint. It's hard to draw the line that says This is just normal variation and healthy, and This is mental illness. You simply can't arbitrarily draw a line in the sand and say below this point, you're perfectly mentally healthy, but the tiniest step beyond it and you're a lunatic.

And yet that is what society would have us do. It's an alluring proposition. Most people can look inside themselves and say, I am nothing like that screaming, thrashing creature. That, then, is mentally ill. Therefore, I could not possibly be mentally ill, because I'm nothing like that nut. It's an easy, though logically flawed way of reassuring ourselves that we are sane.

The world is a terrifyingly unpredictable place, so it is understandable that so much of our thought revolves around making ourselves feel safe. I couldn't possibly be crazy, look at that crazy person, I'm nothing like that! That poor nut, they must have been abused as a child; I was never abused, so I don't have to worry about ending up like that. What a shame, that person is crazy because his brain is broken somehow; thank goodness I have a healthy brain, I'll never have a mental illness. Being poor and homeless is terrible, lucky for me I work so hard, I couldn't ever end up that way, I'm not lazy. That poor rape victim must have done something to encourage the rapist, poor thing; I'd never do anything to put myself at risk or encourage a predator, so it couldn't possibly happen to me. Look at that kid getting such bad grades; he must be lazy, anyone can learn to be exemplary at anything if they just try hard enough.

These may seem extreme, but there are people who believe each and every word I wrote. It's a coping mechanism for dealing with the fears of our world, rationalizing why it couldn't possibly happen to you.When it comes to the many faces of mental illness, sanism has gone undercover and become a part of the fabric of our culture. Perhaps it's time to shock people awake to the knowledge that unbalanced brain chemistry or faulty wiring isn't an immutable sentence to mental illness, nor is a perfectly healthy brain a guarantee against the same. (aside from the fact that neuropsychiatric research is a field in its infancy, so we're not even sure if "unbalanced brain chemistry" or "faulty wiring" are causal elements in mental illness at all) Abuse is not a required prerequisite for instability, nor will it doom someone to craziness. There is no way of predicting for sure if someone will or will not have some form or level of mental illness. No way at all.

The scary truth is that it could happen to anyone, no matter what you do, no matter what happens to you. The reassuring truth is that for most people, the monster never does more than peak around the closet door or send a tail swishing out from under the bed. Most people never see the monster come charging down on them to devour their lives. And for those who do have to face the monsters which lurk at the edges of our vision, may there always be those who will join them in battle, lend them a sword or protect them with their shield or bind their wounds so they can continue to fight and keep from being devoured. You may call them damn shrinks, mucking around in peoples heads with shoddy guesswork, or you can call them meddling bleeding hearts who won't make people take responsibility for their lives. We call them doctors, teachers, therapists, psychiatrists, priests, councilors, parents, lovers, children, friends. And without them, few of us would be here.

As a wise professor of mine once said, when asked if psychiatric patients should be allowed to become doctors:
"Just about every human being who has walked this earth could've used some psychiatric help at some point. You should be more worried about those that don't get it than those of us that do."

Review: Chocolate Massage and Body Oil

I am a chocolate snob. I when I can get it, I prefer my chocolate to be very high quality. Give me single origin, give me perfectly blended, give me Fair Trade (I swear, these companies have some of the best chocolate around!), give me that perfect smooth blend just light enough to really appreciate the notes of berries, citrus, rum, nuts, and leather. Give me chocolate that is so delightfully complex that a little bite will have me floating on clouds of bliss for an hour.

Sweet Beauty has brought to life a wonderful dream I never knew I had - they've made a chocolate massage oil so decadent that it fulfills my chocolate cravings without a single calorie. How is this possible? They used real, honest-to-goodness cocoa nibs to scent the oil.

Pause for a moment. Let that sink in.

A massage oil made with real chocolate.

From the very first moment I opened the bottle of Chocolate Massage and Body Oil that Babeland had sent me, I was in love. I wouldn't have cared if it had otherwise been the crappiest massage oil on the planet, sticky and gunky and unusable for massage. I would have been perfectly content to just sniff the stuff.

When I got the pump going (which can take quite a few pumps the first time, don't give up!), I got another surprise -  it was very runny. I discovered that day that yes, this stuff will leave permanent oil stains on sheets. However, once I was prepared, I came to like the low viscosity. A single pump leaves a nice-sized puddle in the hand, which warms very quickly and spreads oh so easily.

The first use it saw was as a body oil. Having never used one before, I wasn't sure what to expect. What I definitely wasn't expecting was for it to be so easy to apply, hydrate so well, and disappear so completely into my skin! If you have the 5-10 minutes to wait for it to dry, this oil hydrates as well as my go-to Gold Bond lotion, but doesn't leave a sheen of dimethicone hanging around to make it hard to pull on socks and pants. I did a comparison test deep in the depths of winter, one leg with the oil, one with my usual lotion. At first, they looked similar, but by mid-day the lotion leg was itchy from the cold, dry wind that cuts straight through clothing, while the oiled leg was still soft and supple. I later discovered that this oil is even gentle enough to use on my face! I have a face so picky that I can only use 2-3 different lotions or creams on the market, so this was a pleasant shock.

Verdict: As a body oil, this stuff ROCKS.

As far as massage went, I can happily say that this is by far and away the nicest massage oil I have ever used. The only massage product I like anywhere near as well is a massage bar I reviewed, but that's like comparing apples and salmon. As I said before, it warms quickly, and you don't have to fight to get it spread around. A single pump was enough for a 10-20 minute massage of the back, or a pair of aching legs. (How long it lasted depended on the dryness of the skin) As usual, nobody wanted to move for a while after the massages; by the time either of us were ready to get up and trade places, the oil had all but disappeared into the skin, leaving behind a hint of chocolate scent. There was a trace of greasiness on the hands of the massager, but a quick rub with a tissue or wipe was all it took to remove the feel.

Verdict: Best massage oil I've ever used.

I adore this oil. From the worry-free ingredient list, to the heavenly smell, to the way it makes my skin feel, I love it. The packaging is completely safe to leave out on a dresser, unlike many sensual massage oils. (yes, I'm looking at you Kama Sutra) The only flaw I could find was in the locking mechanism for the pump. It simply doesn't work for travel. Multiple times I've locked it and tossed it in a zip-top bag, only to reach my destination and discover that it unlocked itself and squirted precious oil all over the inside of the plastic bag. Frustrating, but not the end of the world - I just transferred some into a small pop-top bottle for when I'm on the go. ^[1]

I can't sing the praises of this product enough. It's wonderful. If you like chocolate and massages at all, you need some.

[1] - Since I received my bottle, Babeland seems to have switched over to selling only the pop-top bottles of this oil.


This product was provided to me free of charge by Babeland in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

PSA: Dating Rights

Public Service Announcement:

Neither I, nor anyone else, in any way "owes" it to humanity to "shop around" more on the dating scene to give them a "chance" at us. We are not National Parks, we are people.

Addendum:

This also applies to procreation. We do not "owe" society any copies of our supposedly wonderful DNA.

Assumptions and Shower Sex

My friend and fellow blogger Rockin' wrote a great post a while back about societal assumptions in sexual language. She does some really insightful deconstruction of some of the ways people talk about sex; you should take a look. It got me thinking about the way people think about certain, sometimes non-sexual activities.

Let's be honest here - how many people who have actually tried it think shower sex is a good idea? (I'm assuming that you are of average strength and flexibility, and don't own any of those "shower sex" handles and steps to make life easier) I've tried it at least a dozen times now, and it's difficult, it's often dangerous, and in most showers there isn't enough room to get in a pleasurable position anyway. When we take showers together now, we might cop a feel, or at most go down for a very quick bit of oral sex, but mostly we just... shower together. It's nice to have someone who can scrub your back for you, you know? And letting him shampoo my hair and massage my scalp is absolutely divine. I love to be able to reach over and get a naked hug while we're showering. Trying to kiss without drowning is silly and awesome.

But sex? We'll wait till we're out of the shower.

Just For Grins

It's amazing how the little things can do so much to brighten a day.

The first amaryllis poking its green head out of the icy ground.
Neon pink nail polish on sale at the drug store when you're picking up yet another round of antibiotics.
A random twitter follower checking in to make sure you're ok, and not ignoring a medical issue.
Your favorite candy being back in stock on campus.
A random patch of blue sky on a cloudy, cold, crappy day.
A random text from an old friend long lost touch with, asking how you've been.
Taking terrible-yet-funny pictures of stuffed animals with dildos, just for shits and giggles. (yes, really)

The little things are what remind us that all of life can be wonderful, beautiful, interesting, important. The little things are what remind us that just because we aren't having a peak moment of our lives, doesn't mean life sucks. They remind us to enjoy the day-to-day, the beauty that is all around us in the world, in our experiences, and in the people we rub shoulders with on the subway. They jolt us out of our gray little worlds, knock us off of autopilot for a moment, just long enough to think "Wow! That was awesome!" They give us a little smile in a world were so many of us seem to have forgotten how to smile just for the sake of doing so.