Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Earn it!

For a long time, I didn't understand the appeal of luxury vibrators. I mean, come on, I can rip out a damn good orgasm with a $10 bullet, so why the heck should I pay more? Sure my bullets broke in a few months, but then I could buy a new one and not be upset that it broke. It was only $10 after all.

After a few weeks I decided that paying a little extra for water resistant toys would be a good idea. I live in a dorm, with a roommate. There is little privacy, so shower time became me time. I still didn't consider spending above $20 for a toy, though.

Then I started learning about material safety. I blew it off at first, because I wasn't sharing toys, and I'd been fine so far. Then, one of the problem substances came up in a class I was taking, Advanced Developmental Biology. We were studying Teratogens (substances that can cause developmental abnormalities in the embryo or fetus). Under the chemicals category, they covered phthalates. There was an example of what they could do, involving phthalates leeching out into water in quantities high enough to feminize a male frog embryo. I sat up and listened.

I didn't stop buying jelly toys, but I did start getting rid of them when they hit the 6 month mark (I've been told that this is when the material becomes even less safe and begins to break down). I started looking into safer materials, like silicone. Unfortunately, better materials means more expensive toys. It was a slippery slope from there to drooling over the pages of Lelo and Lovemoiselle. But for a long time, my wallet held me back from purchasing such an expensive toy.

Then, Lady Luck smiled at me. My summer research stipend was increased by $500 at the last minute. Of course, what was first in my mind? Sex toys! What could I buy myself, that had been out of my price range for so long? After scouring the reviews on EdenFantasys, I finally made my choice:

Lelo's Gigi

But I still couldn't bring myself to click the purchase button. All those years of having frugality drummed into me had unfortunately paid off. I couldn't do it. I'd only been able to bring myself to buy the Ideal because of the ridiculous sale it was on. But this? I couldn't do it, no matter how much I wanted the lovely Gigi.

Then, a few days later, inspiration struck as I worked in the lab. We reinforced our little rodent subjects on a variety of schedules, for various tasks, and they would (metaphorically) jump through hoops for a few drops of sugar water. Why couldn't I apply my work to my life? Why couldn't I set up the Gigi as a reward? I think I spent the next 2 hours working on a spreadsheet, setting up my program. I would reward myself for doing things I often procrastinate on with dollars toward sex toys! $3 dollars for reading all of my chapters before class, but only $1 if I waited until after. $2 for washing my dishes BEFORE I needed them. $2 for reading research papers for lab, $4 for every hour I spent studying for my summer class. It would add up slowly, but I was going to make myself work for that toy. I was going to earn from myself every penny I would have to pay for her.

And then, maybe then I would be able to buy myself a Gigi without shame or guilt.

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