Thursday, June 25, 2009

Orgasm: best pain-killer ever

Let's talk about pain.

Not the kinky kind, the spankings and floggings that make you quiver all over. Not the quick kind, like when you prick your finger or get a headache. The kind of pain that takes over your life.

At 21 I shouldn't feel the need to call myself a cripple. I'm young. I'm attractive. I'm dedicated. I'm smart. I'm sexy. I recently landed a position in an amazing lab. I've got a wonderful (if quirky) family, great (insane) friends, and an incredible (better than I could ever have hoped for) boyfriend. I've got everything going for me, and so much in my life is finally going RIGHT. But between a variety of medical problems, I'm restricted. Pain keeps me from doing the things I love. Pain steals my sleep, steals my chance to spontaneously go out and do things, steals some of my favorite sexual positions, hell it steals my ability to shave my own legs.

I can't remember what it feels like to be in no pain at all. And that scares me.

Nothing the doctors have tried has worked very well.

None of the extensive changes I've made in my lifestyle have significantly reduced the pain, just managed it a bit.

Nothing showed up on the tests and scans.

And now my doctor calls, telling me there was something in my most recent round of bloodwork that she needs to speak with me about.

I eat, breathe, and sleep in pain. All I want is for it to go away. I can deal with the other problems. Most of them are under control now. It's the pain that makes me miserable, that makes me feel burnt out when I'm getting 8 hours of sleep every night, that makes me feel like a cripple.

I want to be able to cuddle with my boyfriend again, without having to keep moving to find a position that doesn't hurt so much. Lying flat on my back holding hands because anything else puts more pressure on my spine sucks.

Enough self pity. I have a date with my Ideal, and enough orgasms to let me fall asleep.

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